Ambassador Map

For the campaign to be successful, men must be seen to lead and actively support the kaupapa. Male ambassadors play a vital role in building support, visibility and developing a shared understanding of the campaign within their social groups, workplaces and communities. Ambassadors are chosen to embody the principles of the campaign, their willingness to challenge the behaviour of abusive men, and to convey key messages directly to their own communities.

We are looking to communities to nominate potential male ambassadors who are respected and influential role models in their workplaces, businesses, government departments, faith, cultural groups or wider communities. All nominees must be informed of the nomination and sign a statement that they are now living violence-free lives and will uphold the White Ribbon pledge not to commit, condone or remain silent about violence against women. Ambassadors will be provided with training, information packs and ongoing mentoring. Download your nomination forms from the website now!

Ambassador information and nomination form

Ambassador Page

This map gives you an indication of where Ambassadors are clustered. Not on the map – nominate a suitable ambassador.

CITY
Auckland x12
Christchurch
Gisborne x2
Kapiti x6
Lower Hutt
Manukau City
Masterton x2
Matamata
New Plymouth x3
North Shore
Tauranga
Upper Hutt
Wellington x10

Sexist and Misogynistic Adverts

Our babysitter in this day and age can often be the TV and there’s no escaping the fact that we’re exposed to more media than at any other point in human history. What we see teaches us how to view the world and while we have an ability to work out the fact from the fiction, the marketers try to make it harder to tell the silicone/airbrushed,/digitally-altered product from reality. In fact we’re so bombarded with these images the media we see creates the world we think we live in. This should be of concern, because so much of what we see is designed to create desires that influence how we think and what we crave.

From a White Ribbon perspective it’s concerning as women are often represented in adverts as objects We feel this leads to the continuing oppression of women, and the continued belief that they are objects to quench the ‘male desire’.

Some adverts achieve this with subtely and slip by unnoticed. Today we are looking at those images which push the boundaries too far. They’re easy to spot and hard to understand. But by looking at the extreme examples you can see the subtext of many more sophisticated and successful adverts.

Duncan Quinn USA

Lawyer-turned-designer Duncan Quinn tried to sell suits by dragging a dead-looking, underwear-clad model across the roof of a fancy car? As if that’s not enough, there’s blood next to the models head.

We put these images up on the White Ribbon Facebook site  and as suspected there was little support for these adverts. They try to sell a product by degrading women and portraying them as objects.

Perhaps the advertiser was trying to suggest a duncan quinn  suit equates to power and success.  Most would agree it’s an epic fail that generated comments on our site such as;

• I don’t think I’ll be buying
• I think this ad is insulting to men as well
• Most men would not want to be portrayed this way

To add to our dismay this advert was created in 2006 not 1956!

Advert for used BMWs.

Marketing as a profession long ago identified the ability of sex to sell. This next advert from BMW is horrifying in so many ways.

Marketing ‘used’ BMWs, the model who looks very young is saying “You know you’re not the first”. How does a family-friendly company does allow its products to be promoted like this?

Well it not the first from BMW. This is a car-maker that thinks its cars are sexy. They sell to the wealthy and supposedly the educated so why do they use marketing like this? At some point and in some demographic we have to assume it works. Whether it’s because the adverts create attention or play on the desire that men supposedly crave young women – the adverts are disgusting.

Love Cosmetics

Another advert that struck us as appalling with is sexual connotations and appalling message, was the Love Cosmetics advert for perfume.

Who is this advert aimed at – child molesters? The slogan of the ad, “because innocence is sexier than you think“, is not just disturbing, it walks past that boundary. As one blogger wrote, “to consider that once this was
considered appropriate advertising is astonishing”.

And it only gets worse in this next video advert where it’s easy to come to the conclusion that the writer has a very low opinion of women. Perhaps it’s that there is a market for this type of misogynistic material. Click to watch.

Which leads us to why we’re concerned with advertising. These images help create what we think of ourselves. In the case of young women, they are being bombarded with images of women that are unattainable. Where once it was just that the models were too young, too pretty and too thin – the models are now photo-shopped to create an image that is simply unattainable.

Cindy Crawford had this to say about press adverts she appeared in “Even I don’t wake up looking like Cindy Crawford”. Says it all really!

What we know is that despite the unreality of the images, we try to reach for the unattainable. The effect this has on teenage girls can be a loss of esteem, feeling of inadequacy and this leads to depression. While it’s not just the media who are responsible for this chain of events, they are part of the problem.

And what of our young men. Well they grow up in a world where they are expected to also conform, take and not feel. Our masculinity is warped, our sense of entitlement enlarged and our expectations unreal.

So what’s the answer? There’re many things we can do. Here’s our starter for ten.

• Don’t buy the product being advertised. That’s a sure-fire way to make the company think about how they are being perceived.
• Object to the advertisement. Let organisations including White Ribbon know so we can profile the objectionable material. We can Facebook our objections and so can you. You can change public perception.
• Educate our children so they know what the adverts are doing – that they are not sources of information, rather they are trying to persuade you to purchase a product.
• Educate our children on how Photoshop is used to manipulate how we look in advertisements.
• Make a complaint to the Broadcasting Standards Authority.
• Try to break down the gender barriers with children. Try buying them both male and female oriented toys, read them stories with an equal number of heroes and heroines, and try to reinforce as much as possible that the child does not have to conform to the modern gender, but can be anything they want.

Got some other suggestions, email us. And if you’re still not sure this is a problem in NZ, a gourmet burger chain has publicly apologised for ‘poking fun’ at Chris Brown’s assault case against Rihanna as part of an online promotion. They believe they were only having fun! Read more here.

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the pixel project

The Pixel Project is a completely virtual, volunteer-led non-profit working to raise awareness, funds and volunteer power for the cause to end violence against women through innovative on-line campaigns at the intersection of social media, new technologies and popular culture.

This year, The Pixel Project launches their “30 For 30” Father’s Day campaign – a blogging campaign that gets 30 fathers from around the world to answer three questions about the joys of being a Dad and how Dads can help prevent and stop violence against women in positive ways.

These 30 interviews will be published throughout the month of June with one interview featured per day on The Pixel Project’s blog (http://www.thepixelproject.net/blog/) starting from 1 June 2012. New Zealand will be represented by White Ribbon New Zealand’s staff and ambassadors.

Other Pixel Project campaigns include the Celebrity Male Role Model Pixel Reveal campaign (http://reveal.thepixelproject.net); “Music For Pixels” (http://music4pixels.thepixelproject.net); “Portraits For Pixels” (http://portraits4pixels.thepixelproject.net) and “Paint It Purple” (http://paintitpurple.thepixelproject.net).

The second “30 For 30″ Dad is our very own David White.

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About David White:

David White was born in Pahiatua  in 1944 and attended school there and at Raumati, and was a founding student of Kapiti College in New Zealand . On leaving school, he took a temporary job at Whitcombe and Tombs (now Whitcoulls) and stayed with books, working for publishers and retail booksellers. He retired after selling the Highland Park Bookshop. He now lives in Matamata with his wife Pam. Until the death of his daughter Helen, his retirement consisted of driving a milk tanker for nine months of the year, and fulfilling dreams for the other three. Now responsible for his grandchildren, he is also actively involved in the prevention of violence towards women and is a White Ribbon Ambassador and author of HELEN: The Helen Meads Tragedy. Visit the White Ribbon New Zealand website at http://whiteribbon.org.nz/

David White with a photo of his daughter, Helen Meads

1. What is the best thing about being a Dad?

The gift of creating your own family. There was something quite unique in holding each of our three children for the first time, almost disbelief that Pam and I had been granted the privilege to have such a perfect baby each time.

For me the best time was while they were still young. Being able to play with them and watch them grow from dependant little beings to independent individuals. That stage of saying, “I can do it, Dad” while keeping them in sight in case help really was needed.

Now we have a broken grandchild to bring up. Our eldest daughter, Helen, was murdered by her husband, and her youngest is in our care. She was only nine when her mother’s life ended. We had to become parents again, and to do it a second time around under these conditions was cruel. We were all broken people because of the tragedy and we all had a massive readjustment in our lives.

Now we are two and a half years down the track and several milestones easily come to mind: there was the  first time she laughed again; the first time we heard her singing while climbing a tree in the backyard; the first time she wanted a school friend to come home to play.

These are the rewards of being a Dad.

2. A dad is usually the first male role model in a person’s life and fathers do have a significant impact on their sons’ attitude towards women and girls. How has your father influenced the way you see and treat women and girls?

My father a a role model. He was an unassuming man; he wanted no fuss made of him, no fuss when he died too young, and no flashy headstone. But the crowds came to his funeral, to pay their respects as he had treated all of them with respect.

“Treat no one with less dignity than how you want them to treat you,” was what he told me from an early age. He practised what he preached and he expected no less from me. I have three older sisters and it was with them that the standard was set from my youngest memories.

He was never one to raise his voice, rarely even to show anger, and he abhorred violence.

The war showed him enough of that. He was a loving man, a gentleman in the true sense of the word. It was as though he found a reason to put each woman he met on a pedestal, each to be respected for their own reason.

I am now 67 and Dad died more than 40 years ago, but I still stand when a woman enters the room and give up my seat on public transport for a woman who is standing. I can hear his disappointment if I didn’t.

3. Communities and activists worldwide are starting to recognise that violence against women is not a “women’s issue” but a human rights issue and that men play a role in stopping the violence. How do you think fathers and other male role models can help get young men and boys to take an interest in and step up to help prevent and stop violence against women?

I have to doubt that answering question 3 would have held much merit if Helen was still alive.

Having a daughter murdered changes many things in the way you think. It certainly changed my commitment to speaking out about stopping the violence towards women.

I became an Ambassador for the White Ribbon campaign because of it, and it was an easy choice to make. It gives me the opportunity and platform to take a stand and show that violence is the wrong path to go down, that the end result is always  a tragedy.

I tell young men and boys that it takes a level of bravery on their part to help prevent violence against women, a level that is far more important than the level of cowardliness of those who abuse women behind closed doors. They should help to stop that, as the result otherwise is that another father has to walk in my shoes, and that is where none should have to go.

The ninth “30 For 30″ Dad is Rob McCann from New Zealand.

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The Dad Bio (In His Own Words):

I am currently Campaign Manager at the Families Commission with specific responsibility for the White Ribbon Campaign in New Zealand. White Ribbon is a highly successful campaign led by men who condemn violence against women.  I have over ten year’s experience in marketing and event management, and have also spent time as a press secretary in Parliament.

Rob McCann and his sons (Robbie and Oliver)

1. What is the best thing about being a dad?

I think it’s watching an idea grow. Your children are constantly forming a world view, learning to comprehend what is around them and to understand how everything links together. In many cases you’re responsible for giving your kids the best opportunity to develop. Seeing my kids grow into individuals is awesome. After the serious stuff, I rate the hugs you get that are spontaneous, or the utterance ‘you’re the best dad in the world’ followed by a request for an ice block.

2. A dad is usually the first male role model in a person’s life and fathers do have a significant impact on their sons’ attitude towards women and girls. How has your father influenced the way you see and treat women and girls?

My dad was a very quiet man who was 59 when I was born. So in some ways he was a grandfather to me. He treated all people with respect, was slow to anger and despite being pro corporal punishment, he preferred a chat. This was his way and he treated women and men in the same manner. That rubs off on you, the idea of all people being equal and deserving respect.

3. Communities and activists worldwide are starting to recognise that violence against women is not a “women’s issue” but a human rights issue and that men play a role in stopping the violence. How do you think fathers and other male role models can help get young men and boys to take an interest in and step up to help prevent and stop violence against women?

In New Zealand, White Ribbon is a campaign with a mission to end men’s violence against women. I’m proud to be the Campaign Manager. It speaks to men in ways that men understand, using role models in the form of White Ribbon Ambassadors who are able to show that being a real man is not about using violence on anyone. By talking openly about the issue and motivating others to join White Ribbon, we are creating a new norm in New Zealand.

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Click here to find out more:

To learn more about The Pixel Project’s work:

Giant White Ribbon

The Ribbon was signed by all age groups

The Giant Ribbon Project was born of a desire to weave together the many voices supporting White Ribbon throughout the country, and present them in a unique way – as a collective outcry for change.

Sixty panels measuring 0.5 metres by 2 metres were sent to all corners of the mōtu. Each panel was then taken on a journey – through schools, police stations, boardrooms, council chambers, rugby games, work places, parliament, on the back of Harleys…and more. Thousands signed their name under the words ‘we’re against violence towards women’.

Media throughout the country took the opportunity to create stories showcasing the commitment of their communities to end violence against women. The images of local men and women signing the pledge appeared all over the country, helping the campaign to spread the anti violence message through both words and images.

The panels were returned after the climax of White Ribbon Day 2010, full of signatures, handprints and messages of support for the kaupapa. In a moment of enthusiasm, Assistant Campaign Manager Vanessa stuck her hand up to act as weaver and sew the panels together. Unsurprisingly, she learnt that attempting to wrangle 30 metres of fabric is a very cumbersome task, and she regretted not leaving it to the professionals! [image]

In the end, the finished project emerged and it was a truly impressive sight to behold. The Giant Ribbon was whisked up to Auckland DHB to be installed in its first home – the atrium of Auckland Hospital. Maintenance staff at the hospital had a challenging task arranging the cloth into a perfect ribbon shape – but if you can organise a hospital, you can hang a ribbon and the result was an impressive tribute to all the White Ribbon supporters across New Zealand.  [image]

The campaign team received so much positive feedback, that the project was rolled out again in 2011. This time we encouraged participants to write the names of their town boldly – to highlight just how wide the support for change really is. This resulted in a very colourful Giant White Ribbon which has most recently been displayed in Paul’s Church in Kaikoura. [image]

If you’d like to host one of the two Giant Ribbons, contact us now.

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EthnicA Wellington

New ideas and action on ethnic diversity

Join us for an inspiring day of inspiring speakers and robust discussion

Workshops include:

• What makes family violence such a hard subject to talk about ?
• What impact does the media portrayal of family violence in ethnic communities have on attitudes and behaviour?
• Are there community based solutions to change attitudes and behaviours?

• Heather Henare, Chief Executive, Women’s Refuge
  Tau Haurima, Chief Executive (Strategic Relations), Jigsaw – working to stop child abuse and family violence
• Rob McCann, Families Commission White Ribbon Campaign Manager

• NZ’s immigration trends and their impact
• The ethnic community’s contribution to the creative sector

x

Register

Keynote speaker – Vicki Treadall, British High Commissioner to New Zealand

Talking about her work and personal experiences of Asia and her views on the importance of global connections.

Other workshops with leading experts on:

• Social enterprise
• International students and
• Ethical dilemmas

Programme details

Education can save lives

Nichole (Nicky) Barker

Nicole Barker was murdered by her violent partner who then committed suicide. The coroner Coroner Carla na Nagara released the report today noting there was a lack of understanding of domestic abuse. “Shedding light on cases like this will hopefully contribute to greater public awareness of the issues and risks,’’ she said.

Education can save lives

White Ribbon Ambassador David White

“Education can save lives”, says White Ribbon Ambassador and author David White. “I believe that educating men and women about the dangers women face when leaving violent relationships is vital”.

The coroners report into the murder suicide of Nicole Barker by her violent partner has drawn attention to the lack of understanding around domestic violence, including what to do when leaving a violent relationship. Something that David White is actively talking about as a White Ribbon Ambassador and author of Helen, The Helen Meads Tragedy, a book he wrote after his daughter was killed by a violent and controlling husband.

“A little bit of knowledge would have saved my daughter’s life. Too often women are not aware of the warning signs, and friends and/or family don’t know how to help. That Helen was killed so close to leaving and starting a new life is a tragedy. I want to make sure that no family has to go through what we are still going through,” says David.

White Ribbon Campaign Manager Rob McCann

Families Commission White Ribbon Campaign Manager agrees, “Campaigns such as White Ribbon have a significant role to play in increasing awareness and getting facts into the public domain. Currently there’s a lack of understanding around what constitutes controlling behaviour and how that can lead to violence. If men are using fear to control a relationship such as always knowing where you are, who you’re with, what you’re doing – it’s important to understand that these behaviours indicate an unhealthy relationship, one that can potentially become fatal when the relationship ends,” says Mr McCann.

“When controlling behaviours fail, such as when a woman announces she is leaving, that is when escalation can and often does occur. In the worst cases this results in death. From 2002-2008 there were 186 family violence deaths of which 100 were partner homicides with 86% of those being perpetrated by men,” says Mr McCann. “A number that is just way too high.”

In 2012 the White Ribbon Campaign will focus on debunking the myth that violence is only physical.

“We hope to get our White Ribbon Ambassadors and White Ribbon Riders out in communities talking about what constitutes ‘healthy relationships’ and part of that is to expose behaviour that is controlling and constitutes violence.  We realise that this will be a challenge for some men, but as a campaign led by men, we want our mothers, daughters, sisters, partners and friends to be safe and live in a world free of violence.

“Women’s Refuge has put together 10 danger signs of a violent relationship. We want to help make sure New Zealanders understand and recognise these signs. At the same time we want to say that most men are not like this, and with just over 30 White Ribbon Ambassadors out talking about what constitutes a healthy relationship, we hope we can educate by demonstrating good relationships,” says Mr McCann.

10 danger signs of a violent relationship

(supplied by Women’s Refuge)

1. He wants to know where she is, what she is doing and who she is with.
2. He monitors her calls, texts and emails, checks receipts and car mileage
3. He controls her life and her choices even if no physical violence has taken place
4. He isolates her from her family and friends and/or displays jealous and possessive behaviour
5. He forces her to have sex, watch porn, or do things she doesn’t want to do
6. He threatens or physically harms her, the children or other family members
7. He has harmed animals as part of the abuse in the relationship
8. He has used a weapon, like a knife or firearm to hurt or threaten her
9. He has threatened to kill her, the children or himself if she leaves
10. He has tried to strangle her (this included any kind of hold to the throat)

Don’t forget, a dangerous time for a woman’s safety is when she is thinking about or preparing to leave the relationship or at a time when the perpetrator realises that she is not going to return.

Key advice for supporting someone who is experiencing domestic violence includes

(supplied by Women’s Refuge):

• take all violence seriously
• listen to her story  and do not judge her in any way
• be available to help her when she needs you and keep her information private and confidential
• don’t force her into making decisions she is not in control of
• suggest to her and/or support her if she wants to talk to a refuge advocate, access a safe house or contact any agency specialising in domestic violence
• help her find the ‘making a safety plan’ advice on the Women’s Refuge website
• tell a friend when preparing to leave a violent relationship but keep her plans secret from the perpetrator

 TVOne News coverage featuring Heather Henare

Women’s Refuge Press release for Nelson Coroners Report 28 April 2012

Heather Henare CE Women's Refuge

 “Everyone should learn the danger signs of violent relationships and know how to support and assist women when one ends,” says Women’s Refuge Chief Executive Heather Henare.

Ms Henare’s comments come in response to the release today of a Coroners Report into the death of Nicole Barker in Easter 2010 in a murder suicide from her estranged partner Thomas Hiki.

“Sadly, the Coroners report underscores the need for more to be done to raise awareness about what constitutes an unhealthy relationship,” says Ms Henare.  “While physical abuse is the most obvious sign, emotional, psychological, sexual and financial abuse are equally destructive,” she says.

Coroner Carla na Nagara noted that the case was an example of the “too frequently fatal nature of domestically violent and abusive relationships” and expressed her concern about how little is known about domestic violence “particularly when it doesn’t manifest physically.”

The Coroner hopes the case will raise public awareness around domestic violence and the danger victims face when they move to end the relationship.  She referred members of the public to the Women’s Refuge website www.womensrefuge.org.nz and it’s free 0800 REFUGE (733 843) phone line.

“With the benefit of hindsight, the actions of Mr Hiki in the weeks and months leading up to Ms Barker’s death is like watching a car crash in slow motion,” says Ms Henare.  “This man attempted suicide, his victim knew he had a gun, the violence escalated physically, he verbally threatened the life of Ms Barker and he was depressed, all key signs that the woman involved was at grave risk of being killed by her partner.  What saddens me even more is there were several opportunities for some agencies to carry out a risk assessment with her, and this did not happen.”

She said Ms Barker showed she was aware of a potential risk to her daughter by ensuring she remained with her father.  “In this way she may very well have prevented her daughter from becoming a victim, sadly she underestimated the risk to herself.”

The Coroners report coincides with the launch of a Women’s Refuge ‘Be a Shero’ campaign.  This campaign is aimed at educating the public about 10 danger signs of domestic violence and how to help.

“People who want to help their friends, daughters or mothers in violent relationships must not blame them for the violence they are experiencing and in instead show their support and availability to help when she makes a decision to get help.  They can remind her that every main centre in New Zealand has a Women’s Refuge ready to provide professional advice and our website is full of information for helpers and victims,” says Ms Henare.

Two very dangerous times for women in violent relationships are when a woman makes the choice to leave or when the perpetrator recognises the relationship has finally ended.  “There are times in a violent relationship, when a woman needs to know the risks to her own safety, learn how to make a safety plan and take confidential and necessary steps to be safe when she breaks free,” says Ms Henare.

Contact Media Liaison Sue Lytollis  027 322 4688 sue@refuge.org.nz

What the White Ribbon Ride meant to me

Some of my favourite moments of the 2011 White Ribbon Ride were experienced in the small rural towns of heartlandNew Zealand– the Te Kuiti’s, the Otaki’s, the Hawera’s. I loved the reactions of people as we rolled past them down the main street, seeing barefoot children waving, guys fist-pumping, elderly folk smiling and giving a thumbs up. It was a privilege to be welcomed into the midst of these communities where hospitality was never in short supply, nor the warm welcome or gracious thanks for standing up against violence.

White Ribbon Riders in Te Kuiti

One of my favourite events was organised by REAP in Taihape. The event was held at Winiata Marae on SH1 and involved a whole day of activities including stalls, an art competition and a panel discussion. The White Ribbon Riders were to lead the panel and so lined up across the front of the room on a long table. Each rider took it in turn to stand up and explain why they were on the Ride. It had the feeling of sharing testimony – every one of them had a reason and a story for being involved. They were powerful moments, eye opening, and a reminder that you can never tell a person’s history by what they look like or how they present themselves.

Leaving Waitohu School in Otaki

Palmerston North event team

The floor was then opened to those gathered and two locals stood up and shared their story. One middle-aged man told how he had witnessed a murder at a young age, and shared how far-reaching the effects of that had been on his life. A woman shared her experience of being trapped in a violent relationship for many years. The two both expressed their deep thanks to the Riders for the comfort their presence had given them, and for their efforts to make it so others would never have to experience what they went through. We left Taihape reassured of our mission.

At McD's in New Plymouth!

The time on the road between events is what allows the Riders to keep going day after day. It is the time to contemplate, to digest and process the conversations and emotions that are inevitably sparked by the subject matter. The camaraderie on the ride is exceptional. As one rider put it after the 2010 Ride:

Te Ahi Kikoha riders

Everyone has a different story, and a different reason for being involved. Within days there is that school camp feeling of being on a team where everyone takes on a role and supports each other.

It was fantastic to see a tangible increase in support for the Ride during the 2011 run. Over 60 motorbikes turned out in Levin, and in Taupo, over 70 motorbikes rolled onto the Tongariro Domain – a truly impressive sight. Thanks are due to the Waikato HOG group and independent riders for turning out in force to show their support.

Along with the increase in numbers, it was brilliant to see corporates getting behind the kaupapa. In New Plymouth, a giant White Ribbon banner was hung high above one of the town’s busiest intersections, nestled right underneath a giant yellow ‘M’. Not only this, but the New Plymouth event was held in the McDonalds carpark early the following morning. It is really satisfying to witness this development, that businesses realise they can be comfortable and proud to support initiatives to end violence in their local communities.

Cinderella with adoring kids in Whanganui

School visits were always a highlight. The motorbikes always brought a squeal and a grin and some excitement to go with the serious message that was being delivered. One of the Riders who was particularly great with kids started the White Ribbon chant. He would divide the group into two and get one half to yell “White!”, then the other “Ribbon!” He would egg them on and get them to a fever pitch, even the early teens at the high schools participated. This game was accompanied by the various White Ribbon messages. Depending on the age, kids were told to “be awesome to your mum”, “be nice to your teacher” and that bullying was not cool. The kids would generally hang off every word, fascinated by these large leathered-up men and women.

Locals checking out the bikes in Te Kuiti

I can honestly say that I’ve travelled the world, but the journey throughout theNorth Islandwas one of the most rewarding I have ever experienced. To see the ride connect with people of all ages and hear stories of change, and actually see the spark of hope rekindled in world weary eyes is something I will treasure.

Response to Michael Laws

Sunday Star Times piece

Real change occurs when as a society, we reach a tipping point, where men are no longer willing to commit or condone violence to women;  when men reject the concept of using violence to get what they want, and exercise a choice, to lead violence-free lives.

There will always be voices of dissent as evidenced recently by Michael Laws in both his column and radio show. And it is with reference to Mr Laws’ attempt to shift the blame for men’s violence from the perpetrator to the victim that we have to draw the line and say, we as men can no longer be silent.

A recent study by the SPCA and Women’s Refuge highlighted a link between pets, and women staying in violent relationships and incurred the wrath of Mr Laws.

While it’s convenient to keep facts out of a good story, women stay in violent relationships for a number of reasons. These include lack of money to find alternative accommodation, lack of confidence, fear of increased violence, fear for the children, and as the study pointed out, fear of what will occur to the pets. Ending a relationship is difficult at the best of times, but walking away from a controlling and violent relationship is far from easy

To suggest that women in violent relationships have themselves to blame for the violence they endure is at best misguided;  at worst leaves women stuck in relationships of violence and abuse. Suggesting that personal responsibility is the prerogative of the abused women, and they should ‘either stop being so weak or stop complaining’, underlines a severe lack of empathy and/or understanding.

Recently, one of our White Ribbon Ambassadors, David White, wrote a book Helen, the Helen Meads Tragedy which tells how his daughter was murdered by a so-called ‘respected’ horse breeder. His defence team tried to downplay the murder suggesting that the loaded shotgun being fired was merely an accident, and further, that Helen had brought this violence upon herself.

The very defence of provocation has been removed from the statute books after the horrific murder of Sophie Elliott who was stabbed over 200 hundred times, and yet the ‘she asked for it’ suggestion continues to find voice.

So why is it ok for a media commentator and radio show host to push a repetitive line that somehow violence against women is the fault of abused women? These women are killed, raped, assaulted, hospitalised and terrorised.  They are not the abusers and they and their families deserve respect, not to be used as fodder for increasing ratings and readership. In short, your comments are not OK.

The second issue that requires some fairness inserted into the debate is the continued misrepresentation and attack on the White Ribbon Campaign.

White Ribbon is an international campaign that aims to end men’s violence against women. It is a campaign that forms part of a suite of work by the Families Commission (It’s not OK, Family Violence Statistics, Family Violence Clearinghouse and Taskforce for Family Violence). It talks directly to men and asks men to be part of the solution by showing leadership in the area of family violence.

It does not, as Mr Laws suggests, paint all men as violent.  However, it is a fact that the most serious family violence is perpetrated by men, with hospitalisations, serious assaults and murders committed overwhelmingly by men. The campaign recognises that as men, we can change the statistics by having men speak to men.

It is this idea that men can talk to other men that is so powerful and forms the central idea of White Ribbon in our country. The popular White Ribbon Motorcycle Ride visited over 80 communities in November last year, speaking to thousands of New Zealanders from school kids to some of our most violent criminals in prisons. Many of the men who spoke were Patriots whose members were former or current members of the services. Men like the fallen SAS hero Duggy Grant. They had rough exteriors but they all rejected violence within relationships.

The White Ribbon is a symbol of non-violence in our country, and the campaign empowers communities to speak out. Last year alone, over 510,000 white ribbons were worn by New Zealanders from a wide range of ethnic and cultural identities, with nearly 200 White Ribbon events held in November and over 410 press articles around November.

The campaign represents all New Zealanders and operates six key projects that aim to inform, educate and encourage men to take action. We believe that this campaign and other family violence initiatives are having a significant effect as indicated in the latest statistics collected by Police. Surveys show that attitudes have changed and more people are willing to take action, but we have a long way to go to reduce what are unacceptable statistics

There is no membership fee to join White Ribbon, just a requirement that people pledge never to commit or condone violence against women. We take that pledge seriously and could not allow Mr Laws to condone explicitly or by implication, violence against women. We do, however, believe that change is possible, so Mr Laws, why not join us and make a difference.

Anti violence voices should not be silenced

Pam Bassett

The Families Commission is appalled to learn that Hawera Rape Crisis manager Pam Bassett has received death threats after voicing her concerns about family violence in her community. Ms Bassett, a long term advocate to prevent family violence is also involved in the White Ribbon campaign, which visited the Hawera community last November with the White Ribbon Riders.

“What makes this most abhorrent is the fact that Ms Bassett is being threatened with violence, the very issue she is trying to stop’, says Paul Curry Chief Executive of the Families Commission.

“People should be able to stand up and say that family violence is Not Okay without fear and intimidation.  Perpetrators use intimidation to ensure that family violence remains hidden. The more it remains a hidden issue the more it will exist. We applaud Ms Bassett’s courage in making sure that family violence does not remain a silent issue within the Hawera community.”

The Families Commission works on a suite of family violence prevention initiatives including the White Ribbon campaign, the Its not OK campaign is a member on the Family Violence Taskforce, manages the Family Violence Clearinghouse and produces the Family Violence Statistics report.

“Underpinning all our work is a strong commitment to a culture in our communities that does not tolerate violence.  This story is an unfortunate indication of the work we have yet to do to change society’s attitudes towards violence” says Mr Curry.

Team Wellington victorious

Team Wellington celebrate (Photo by Grant Stantiall)

The first ever White Ribbon Cup has been won by Team Wellington 5-1 in an exciting match in Hamilton.  Striker Ethan Galbraith (No 12) scored 3 goals in the 2012 White Ribbon Cup Final against Waikato FC.  The final result was 5-1.

The competition was introduced this season to provide meaningful competition to ASB Premiership sides not involved in OFC Champions League football and supports White Ribbon, a campaign to raise awareness of men’s violence against women – which in New Zealand is generally directed at wives, girlfriends and other intimate partners.

“Hosting the White Ribbon Cup final in Hamilton is a another opportunity to take a football event around the country,” said Grant McKavanagh, “and a chance to raise awareness of the White Ribbon campaign and the powerful work it does in helping men put an end to domestic violence.”

“It was a hard fought match,” said Rob McCann, Families Commission White Ribbon Manager, “and just as it should be. Players were aggressive on the ball, but showed sportsmanship throughout, and the lived up to the football slogan, there no room for violence on or off the feild.

“The White Ribbon Cup has been a terrific competition that has spread the anti violence message up and down the country with both players and supporters being exposed to the messages. It’s essential that the kaupapa is shared with as many men (and women) as possible if we’re to change people’s perceptions about violence.

“I’d like to thank Football NZ for their wonderful support and of course the players and their supporters, who’ve made the inaugural White Ribbon Cup such a success,” said Mr McCann