Community Spirit

Dannevirke in the lower North Island has a population of just over 5000. Despite its relatively small size the White Ribbon Ambassadors and supporters in the area have created an impressive programme of regular events to help prevent men’s violence against women. White Ribbon Ambassador Tamai Nicholson leads the local Ambassador cluster and has been influential in raising the profile of White Ribbon in the Dannevirke community over the past few years.

Last year’s Dannevirke White Ribbon dinner catered to 83 guests! There was even a White Ribbon float in the local Christmas parade, featuring a black car decorated with White Ribbons. The local White Ribbon committee runs an annual programme, aiming to have regular quarterly events.

This year they have already been involved in a joint community event with Tararua Youth Services and Tararua REAP called “take it to the streets”, which aimed to connect with families that can be hard to reach in order to develop trust with the services available in the Tararua District. They set up a table with fruit so that people could make their own fruit kebabs, which was very successful with children and adults alike. They also handed out White Ribbon Tattoos, which proved very popular.

The first female White Ribbon Ambassador in the Tararua region Deanna Veerkamp, herself a survivor of domestic violence, has played a major role in organizing the events. She also found that men who had stood up and taken the pledge sometimes struggled to know what to do after that, so she started making up little packs that include all the services available in Dannevirke that can assist men who want to change.

The Dannevirke White Ribbon Committee are currently planning an event in August featuring White Ribbon Ambassador Jude Simpson, who is the Royal New Zealand Police College’s Victims Manager and a tireless advocate for violence prevention.

One key to the success of Dannevirke’s White Ribbon events in recent years is the relatively high number of Ambassadors in the area to spread the kaupapa and the workload. There are four Ambassadors in Dannevirke and three others in the wider region.

If you would consider being nominated or would like to nominate someone else in your community to become a White Ribbon Ambassador, please download the application form here or get in touch with the Campaign team (contact@whiteribbon.org.nz) for more information.

If you have any stories about White Ribbon events in your area, please get in touch. We would love to share them with the White Ribbon community.

Three generations of White Ribbon Ambassador Deanna Veerkamp’s family working together to prevent men’s violence against women. Deanna sewed cloth White Ribbons onto her daughter and granddaughters’ t-shirts for the event. Another daughter, who couldn’t be there on the day assisted in putting together over 500 packs for them to hand out on the day. They also had balloons and temporary tattoos for the children.

Honouring Grace Millane

White Ribbon New Zealand has just received an extremely generous donation of £768 from jewellery maker LL Loves in the UK. The tragic murder of British backpacker Grace Millane in New Zealand last December brought New Zealanders together in condemnation of this appalling act of violence and in sadness at the loss faced by her family and friends.

In the wake of their personal tragedy, Grace’s family and friends committed themselves to fundraising and awareness-raising events to honour her memory. They worked with LL Loves, one of Grace’s favourite jewellery makers, to produce a beautiful bracelet featuring an enamel White Ribbon. It is available in sterling silver or gold vermeil. Each comes in a white linen pouch designed by Grace’s family that has one of her favourite quotes on the front and is available here.

Anthea Sully, Chief Executive of White Ribbon UK commented:
“We have been deeply moved by the way in which Grace’s family and friends have worked with us to bring something good out of such a terrible loss by incorporating the white ribbon into their beautiful commemorative bracelet. We hope this collaboration means that part of Grace’s legacy is a world where male violence against women is ended once and for all”.

Initially twenty percent of the money from each bracelet was to be donated to White Ribbon UK. After a large number of New Zealanders ordered bracelets online, the family very generously asked LL Loves to donate the twenty percent from New Zealand orders to White Ribbon New Zealand.

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When Grace was murdered Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern highlighted our hurt and shame that it happened here saying “she should have been safe here and she wasn’t”. There are things we can all do to try to ensure we are all safer here. We all need to take responsibility for educating our young men. We have a series of toolboxes that provide advice on consent, respectful relationships and preventing violence.

Businesses also have a role to play in creating a culture where violence is not tolerated but where victims are given support and perpetrators are assisted in changing their behaviour. White Ribbon Business Accreditation is free and is suitable for organisations of any size. To find out more click here

We are extremely grateful for the Millane family’s generosity and their support for White Ribbon’s efforts to help prevent violence. Grace’s bracelets are an elegant daily reminder of a beautiful talented young woman, who should have been safe in our country. Now is the time to recommit to preventing future losses.

Business has a role preventing violence

“New Zealand Businesses are playing a significant role in supporting victims of domestic violence,” says White Ribbon Ambassador Anna Campbell, “but we need to do more.”

On Monday 1 April a new law comes into effect that allows for domestic violence leave of up to 10 working days.

“White Ribbon worked with The Warehouse to develop a business accreditation framework that ensures organisations have appropriate policy and training,” says Ms Campbell, “but we also need businesses to be involved in violence prevention.

“Our country has the highest rate of reported violence in the developed world. To change, this we need an all-of-society-approach. That is why White Ribbon supports and encourages businesses to prevent violence through education and awareness raising as part of our accreditation process.

“We’ve kept the process as simple as possible. Our team works with organisations to ensure their policies create a safe workspace. We’ve brought the best examples together so that organisations do not need to reinvent the wheel.

“We then train key staff so the organisation has the knowledge and skills to support victims and users of domestic abuse in the workplace and ultimately deliver the training themselves.

“Lastly we work with businesses to ensure they have violence prevention built into their yearly activities, and where possible, this includes both employees and to customers. This ensures that we are not just working with victims and survivors, but helping to break the cycle of family violence by supporting those who use violence to change” says Ms Campbell.

For more information about White Ribbon’s free Accreditation program contact White Ribbon contact@whiteribbon.org.nz

Law Commission Report could help family violence sexual victims

Let us renew our commitment to stand up and speak out.

New Zealand has been shaken by the tragedy in Christchurch. Our hearts go out to the families, friends and colleagues of those who have been hurt and to the many White Ribbon Ambassadors who are connected to the Muslim Community in New Zealand. You can donate to the families here.

Hate has no place in our country and our Prime Minister has categorically stated, this is not us.

It is my strong belief that many in our country will focus their attention on ensuring that the views that helped to fuel the murders are rejected publicly, and often.

While White Ribbon focuses on a different kind of violence, namely men’s violence towards women, this horrific event should remind us that allowing the extreme views of a minority to go unchallenged creates the opportunity for violence.

Sometimes we conflate freedom of speech and hate speech. Sometimes we don’t call out those who signal their despicable views because they are written on a t-shirt, hidden within jokes, within the lyrics of a song, in the images of a music video, or are simply part of the patriarchy that has been accepted for generations.

Words and actions matter, but so too does inaction. Not speaking to our young men about Respectful Relationships or Respectful Sexual Relationships allows others to fill in the gaps. It enables porn to become an educator and young men like the Rape Busters crew to exist and flourish.

So in the wake of this tragedy let us renew our commitment to stand up and speak out. For more information on how you can do this check out these Eight Actions That Can Reduce Violence.

Rob McCann
White Ribbon Manager

Listening and believing women.

Reflecting on and changing your behaviour.

Disrupting other men’s violence towards women.

Treating women as equals.

Choose how to be a man and how you will act.

Talk to a young man about breaking out of the ‘Man Box’.

Think about what media you watch

Talk with young men about respectful relationships and pornography.

Help us to take the next steps in your community by:

1. Nominating someone to become a White Ribbon Ambassador in your community. The form is here and it’s easy to nominate someone. Contact us to discuss if you have any questions. More information is here.

2. Getting a local business involved in violence prevention by undertaking White Ribbon Workplace Accreditation. More information here. Contact White Ribbon to discuss here.

3. Getting a Youth Ambassador Scheme up and running in your local schools. More info here or download the PDF. Contact us to discuss.

To read the full March Newsletter click here.

Raising Domestic Violence Awareness: IWD at Nielsen

This year our #InternationalWomensDay focus at #Nielsen was on raising domestic violence
awareness. We welcomed guest speakers from #WhiteRibbon to our local offices in Auckland,
Sydney, Wellington and Melbourne, where we were able to ask questions and learn more about
the harrowing effects of violence against women in our society. One week on from #IWD, we are
still blown away by the astounding statistics that, even as data experts, we struggle to grasp.
The impact to victims of domestic violence really do touch on people of every culture, age,
background, and socioeconomic status.

We were joined by Stephanie Callanan, Manager of the Australian White Ribbon Workplace
Program for four years in the Sydney office, Richie Hardcore who is a Public Speaker, Educator
and MC for Domestic Violence and on the Board of the White Ribbon in NZ who spoke in the
Auckland office, Rob McCann, who has worked for White Ribbon for over 10 years and is
currently the Manager for the New Zealand organisation, in the Wellington office, and Sunila
Kotwal, the Diversity and Inclusion Manager for White Ribbon AUS, in Melbourne.

Those who attended these events learned more about the issue of men’s violence against
women and many felt more empowered to play a part in driving awareness and contributing
towards taking a stand against this type of violence. It was great to hear feedback, from the
events that people’s perceptions and misconceptions had been altered –

“ Stephanie spoke about some very eye opening stats, and spoke very honestly about her own
experiences with domestic violence from a recent relationship. As an associate who is not
originally from Australia, I had the misconception that domestic violence doesn’t happen here. I
was shocked to find that it does, and in several different ways.”

“It was an intense session where we got to discuss and hear more about the violence against
women in different ways, making the topic feel closer to our own reality. The statistics were
shocking and it changed my mindset in regards to how much can I contribute to making an
impact against this.”

“It was a breath of fresh air to hear Richie talk so passionately and openly about ‘masculinity’
and how it can become ‘toxic,’ affecting relationships with women.I hope it made everyone think
about how they can shape societies future by providing our young men with better, more varied
role models.”

We continue to be committed to supporting any of our Pacific associates experiencing domestic
violence through our new Domestic Violence Family Leave policy. Launched on White Ribbon
Day in 2018, the policy seeks to support associates who may be experiencing the effects of
violence at home with up to 10 days paid leave.

Harm Ends Futures Begin with David White

HARM ENDS, FUTURES BEGIN! Working for Safe Communities.

Keep an eye out for David White as he tours New Zealand advocating for safe communities and get along to his presentation if you can. You will not be disappointed by this lovely man and his powerful journey.

You can watch David’s message here.

Each one of us has a responsibility to ensure our community is a safe place. Support the kaupapa!

Grace Millane

Our thoughts go out to the Millane family whose grief will be unimaginable. Their message to New Zealand is here.

So many New Zealanders have been horrified as this story has unfolded. This is a time to stand together, share that pain and show our compassion for Grace and her family. Thank you for honouring her contribution to the world and and saying time’s up on the violence, intimidation and the senseless waste of lives all around the world.

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While this story has touched all of us, the wider story often goes untold. As a country we need to wake up and recognise that as many as 14 women are killed in domestic violence each year. Many more pass through our hospitals with serious injuries. Police investigate over 118,000 family violence incidents every year. That amounts to 41% of a front line officer’s time.

White Ribbon believes attitudes have to change, and over the last few days Mark Longley, Richie Hardcore, Rob McCann and Anna Campbell have all spoken to a wide range of media saying the same thing: that something good must come out of this tragedy; that men’s attitudes towards women need to change; and that we all need to play a role in ending family violence.

Please take the White Ribbon Pledge to ‘stand up, speak out and act against men’s violence towards women’ at whiteribbon.org.nz and when you do, choose from one of eight actions that help to reduce men’s violence towards women.

That’s our challenge to you. If you haven’t taken The Pledge, do it now and encourage others to do the same. Let’s get people active now because there should not need to be another death to make us care.

Vigils Across New Zealand

There are a number of vigils planned for Grace. Please support them wherever you are. (Thanks to Newshub and NZ Herald for this information)
Queenstown, Tuesday 11th, 7pm, The Boatshed Cafe.
Auckland, Wednesday 12th, 6pm, St Patrick’s Cathedral Square
Auckland, Wednesday 12th, 7pm, Federal Street.
Hamilton, Wednesday 12th, 7pm, Location Memorial Park*
New Plymouth, Wednesday 12th, 7pm, Puki Ariki Landing.
Wellington, Wednesday 12th, 7pm, Civic Square.
Nelson, Wednesday 12th, 7pm, 1903 Square.
Christchurch, Wednesday 12th, 7pm, Cathedral Square.
Dunedin, Wednesday 12th, 7pm, Lower Octagon.
Memorial Cruise, Friday 14th, 10pm, Gather at Quay Street to cruise to Scenic Drive, Waitakere.
Auckland, Saturday 15th, 12pm, Auckland City.
Mount Manganui, Saturday 15th, 8pm Sunset vigil at Surf Club.
Blenheim, Wednesday 12th, 7pm, Taylor River Amphitheatre.
Rotorua, Wednesday Tutanekai and Hinemoa Sts,
Kapiti, Saturday 15th, 8:30pm, Paraparaumu Beach
Tauranga Friday 14th at the Waterfront on the Strand, 7pm

* Location to be confirmed

Anna Campbell on the AM Show

Mark Longley on The Project

Rob McCann on BBC World News

Mikaela aka Mouse performed an original song on the night re-writing the words to for Grace

Mikaela aka Mouse performed an original song on the night re-writing the words to for Grace.

I see a silhouette figure staring back at me
In the doorway or under the covers protecting me while I sleep
With the angel lights guiding me
I can finally tell her just what I mean

And I know that things have their time
But why’d you have to go before I finished mine

And I wish I could’ve said goodbye
I wish I could’ve told her, she’s always on my mind
This is my goodbye song
It’s what I’ve wanted to say all along
This is my goodbye song

There’s a million reasons why I could be missing you
From the way you look to all the little things you do
And I hope the world’s being good to you
That you’re looking down on me the way I’m looking up at you

And I know things happen for a reason
But is it too much to ask, for one more chance?

Just to say goodbye
Just to tell her, she’s always on my mind
This is my goodbye song
It’s what I’ve wanted to say all along
This is my goodbye song
And this is my goodbye song

Day will come and
Night will fall and
All the stars will align
Clouds will form and
Winter mornings
I’ll dream she’s right there by my side

Now’s my chance to say goodbye
Now’s my chance to tell her, she’s always on my mind
This is my goodbye song
It’s what I’ve wanted to say all along
This is my goodbye song

White Ribbon Day 25 Nov 2018

#StandupNZ

“White Ribbon is challenging non-violent men to stand up and take The Pledge,” says Rob McCann White Ribbon Manager. “Without the visible support of good men, we can’t hope to reduce men’s violence towards women.”

New Zealand has the highest rate of reported violence towards women in the developed world with 41% of front line Police Officers’ time spent on family harm. That’s over 118,000 family violence investigations in 2006, about one every five minutes!

“There are many reasons why men should help to end the violence,” says Mr McCann, “but the reality is that using violence in your life means everyone loses. White Ribbon promotes Respectful Relationships because it is a protection against violence and because it is good for men. Men are happier and have more meaningful lives when people love them, rather than fear them.”

Respectful relationships are based on:

• Equality between men and women. Gender equity in personal relationships, and all social spheres, reduces violence against women.
• Flexible gender behaviour for all. Having men break out of the Man Box and choosing their own masculine identity prevents their use of violence.
• Non-violent communication. Men being emotionally aware and expressive gives them alternatives to aggression.
• Enthusiastic consent for all sexual activities. Having willing participation is crucial to preventing sexual violence.

“This White Ribbon Day, as men we have an opportunity to make New Zealand a better place,” says Mr McCann. “Yes, ending men’s violence will help our mothers, our daughters and all the women in our lives, but it will also help men.”

“We need to live in a society where men are supported to be caring, express their emotions and give and receive love. The old stereotypes or the ‘man box’, where we’re told to harden up and don’t play like a girl, need to be rejected.”

When men take the online Pledge they will be asked to choose from one of eight actions which all support Respectful Relationships, and get men actively preventing men’s violence towards women. They will then receive information and a video about how to build that action into their lives.

“We can only achieve real change when good men stand up for what they believe,” says Mr McCann.

Take the Pledge at www.whiteribbon.org.nz