Māori Party Co-leader Dr Pita Sharples, a White Ribbon ambassador against male violence, has joined opposition to Mike Tyson’s visit to New Zealand to talk about his life story.
“The man is a convicted rapist, and it seems pretty clear that he has not accepted responsibility for his actions,” said Dr Sharples. “I do not want Mike Tyson telling our kids that the way he deals with his serious crime of sexual violence is by blaming the victim.”
“I have read reports of his presentation in the US, which are filled with sexist jokes and contempt for women. Clearly he has not turned his life around at all. Instead he is using his speaking tours and associated publicity to try to maintain his past reputation as a bad guy and to justify his views and behaviour.
“I totally disagree with Willie Jackson and the Manukau Urban Māori Authority that Mike Tyson is a good role model for young Māori and Pacific Island kids.
“Our kids need positive role models, not high-profile people like Mike Tyson reinforcing the worst attitudes towards violence against women. Popularity on the street does not make someone a good role model, and opinion leaders in our communities need to show judgement.
“Our kids do have fantastic role models here in New Zealand, who have amazing records of achievement in many fields. Look at our Olympic gold medallists, including Valerie Adams, Lisa Carrington and Sarah Walker. They have become champions through focus, discipline and hard work, not aggression and violence.
“There are dozens of sporting heroes, the Manu Vatuveis and Benji Marshalls of league, numbers of Māori and Pacific Island All Blacks and Silver Ferns, who are ideal mentors because they are already known to young people in Aotearoa.
“I think they offer a totally positive inspiration to our young people, and we can well do without Mike Tyson here spreading his toxic message.”
Brian Gardner – White Ribbon Chair and Te Kupenga – National Network of Stopping Violence CE
25 October 2012
Let’s put facts first – headlines second
The recent release by Family First purporting to uncover ‘inconvenient truths’ does not present all the facts. Media outlets reported that ‘nearly 50% of children who die as a result of family violence are killed by their mothers’ – a statement that includes deaths that are not usually included in family Violence Statistics.
The figures are inferred from the New Zealand Police Family violence Death review.
“All violence is not ok, however this interpretation of the numbers masks the real context”, says White Ribbon Chairperson Brian Gardner, “and context is very important when looking at family violence.
“While Family First is stating a fact, they are being irresponsible by not presenting the numbers with all the specifics.
“Only two out of the 15 deaths where mothers were responsible for the child, was physical assault the cause of death. Contrast this with the 10 out of 10 deaths where fathers and step-fathers were responsible for the death of a child and were caused by assault.
“To draw the conclusion that the focus of many organisations is wrongly concentrated on men’s violence is misleading.
Of the 15 out of 33 child victims killed by their mothers:
5 were infanticide (where babies and pregnancies were concealed )
6 were murder/suicides
2 drowned in the bath when children were not attended to
2 were physical assaults
“Of the 10 children killed by men, all were physical assaults and of the stepfathers involved, all had previous convictions.
“What we need to measure is like with like.
“To combat family violence and create change in our society, we need to look at the real figures and I believe that men are ready to face up to this inconvenient truth, that the most serious violence is perpetrated by men. It’s very sad when figures are being misused to undermine the work being undertaken in our communities,” said Mr Gardner.
For interviews contact Brian Gardner
Chairperson White Ribbon Committee
Cell 0274 529 556
News articles and press releases posted prior to this release:
Newstalk ZBNZ Herald StuffMenz WebsiteYahooNZ Police Radio NZInterview on Radio New Zealand Nine to Noon
Brian Gardner, manager of National Network of Stopping Violence Services and spokeperson for White Ribbon; and Professor David Fergusson of the Christchurch Health and Development study at the University of Otago, who has also been researching child abuse for more than forty years.
Last year saw a record number of events registered and a record number of items provided to communities. This year we are proud to announce a new addition – the White Ribbon Shop. Featuring some great new designs, theses items make fantastic presents, and by purchasing you are assisting the campaign to end men’s violence towards women. Check out the online shop and choose from t-shirts, wristbands, cufflinks, metal ribbons and cookie cutters. All profits go to ensuring White Ribbon NZ can continue campaigning on this important kaupapa.
If you’re after the free resources, the ordering page is now live and just like last year, there’s a section to record information about your White Ribbon Event. This helps us promote all the activities and events throughout New Zealand and allows communities to share ideas. Get in quick as resources will be snapped up fast. Free items include fabric ribbons, A3 campaign posters, A3 White Ribbon Ride posters, window stickers, balloons and temporary tattoos.
FREE ITEMS IN 2012
Fabric ribbons, A3 campaign posters, A3 White Ribbon Ride posters, window stickers, balloons and temporary tattoos.
WHITE RIBBON SHOP
White Ribbon NZ now has a shop! Items include metal ribbons, t-shirts and three other exciting new items. White Ribbon NZ is in transition to becoming fully self-funded – all profits go to ensuring White Ribbon NZ can continue campaigning on this important kaupapa.
Killing me softly with his words poster from Dublin
When White Ribbon Facebook posted this image from an overseas anti-violence campaign, these were the responses and actions that followed:
A website called ‘Menz’ called upon their members to ‘post’ (express their disapproval) on our Facebook site
White Ribbon banned several people from the White Ribbon Facebook site because of inappropriate, aggressive and victim blaming language
A press release was issued by the (men’s lobby group) Ministry of Men’s Affairs accusing White Ribbon of stifling debate
A written complaint was delivered to Minister Bennett
A new Facebook site was set up by Menz members to continue the online debate
So how did we get to this impasse? Let’s take a look at the history of the campaign.
White Ribbon is an anti-violence campaign that began in Canada in 1991 after 14 female students were murdered in cold blood at a polytechnic. The Canadian public were outraged and a number of men were determined to send a clear message that violence against women was unacceptable. Within six weeks they had mobilised 100,000 men, putting the country in no doubt that men were appalled at the violence.
From there the campaign was picked up by the United Nations and brought to New Zealand by UNIFEM in 2004. The Families Commission became the lead agency in 2006 and the campaign has grown from strength to strength, with hundreds of activities now taking place each year throughout November, across the whole of New Zealand.
Click on image to read post by an author on the Menz website
White Ribbon has always evoked a strong emotional reaction from some male members of our society. Men such as Michael Laws who represent a segment within our society who object vehemently to the very mention of White Ribbon. They argue that concentrating on men’s violence is sexist and more to the point, that women are as violent as men.
The reality is just so much more complex. Some men’s groups argue that women are just as violent, citing studies that measure instances of violence. The prevailing wisdom suggests that without context the numbers tell only a small part of the story.
Brian Gardner, National Manager of the Te Kaupenga/National Network of Stopping Violence Services (NNSVS) explains it this way. “When I work with men I ask them two simple questions. How frightened are you of her violence? How frightened is she of your violence?
Click on image to read a reply to the Menz post
If men are truly honest they will say that what she does might be upsetting or piss them off, but the reality around his violence is that it is really scary. Scary enough to make her do what he wants.”
In New Zealand the most serious violence, the hospitalisations, the assaults, the arrests and the deaths are predominately men’s violence towards women. The second highest number is men’s violence towards other men. But the groups who oppose White Ribbon refute this gender analysis pointing to international research that purports to show that women are more violent than men, such as the Dunedin Longitudinal Study. Such research utilises scales like the internationally recognised Conflict Tactics Scale (CTS).
The CTS measures violence through a series of questions and was designed to measure strategies for conflict resolution within ‘ordinary’ relationships, including instances of violence. What it does not measure, is the nature or consequences of that violence i.e. the frequency of injury or severity of injury.
Here’s an example of how the scale works: A man and a woman have a physical altercation. The woman hits the man. The man hits the woman. This is counted as one each. What is not measured is the effect of that violence. In this instance, the woman has barely created a bruise on the man, while the man has shattered the women’s eye socket. She then kicks him and he breaks her nose.
One of the offending posts on our White Ribbon Facebook site
The scale counts this as two each. If the man were to on another occasion, rape the woman and then murder her, it still remains two each as the questionnaire used by the interviewer does not include these options as types of violence!
That’s an extreme example, but the scale was never meant to measure the level of violence between men and women. The author (Murray A Straus) of the scale himself acknowledged its limitations, saying: “the statistics are likely to be used by misogynists and apologists for male violence”.[i]
The use of research based on such scales is also unlikely to unearth whether men’s violence and women’s violence is equal. Here’s what prominent Auckland researcher Janice Giles had to say on the subject.
Edited post by Menz Editor
In studies of couples that are likely to include more violence and abuse (such as younger couples),[ii] it is useful to consider gendered dynamics of blame and self-blame that are at their most extreme in abusive relationships. Abusive men commonly minimise and deny their own abuse and violence in relationships, or define their actions as justified responses to some perceived transgression of their partner.[iii],[iv],[v] But in a relationship with an abusive man, women are blamed and take responsibility for any conflict, perceiving their own actions as ‘causing’ their partner’s behaviour.
They excuse the abuse, minimise his violence, and focus attention on trying to make themselves better partners.[vi] An abusive male partner acknowledges less of his violence while his partner is likely to acknowledge every act of hers;[vii] and he exaggerates her violence to justify his own. This is particularly likely when women partners are young as well as earlier in the relationship.[viii] Such distortions may explain reported study outcomes that find couple agreement on undifferentiated scale measures but not on specific acts[ix] and may undermine accurate reporting even if both partners participate. You can find the whole article here.
The Tactics Scale and the cohort study (Dunedin Longitudinal Study) are repeated in some form every time someone in New Zealand claims that violence between men and women is equal.
So how do we communicate to these groups? It’s a question that is often posed and never answered satisfactorily. We have to wonder what has occurred to many of these men to see how their ‘world view’ has evolved. One generalisation is that many of these men have been through a separation and then had to work through the judicial system to try and obtain custody and other arrangements.
If you work in the violence prevention sector, you’ll have met men who use power and control in their relationships and sometimes physical violence as well. When the issues come to a head through separation, the police, courts and sometimes Child Youth and Family, their worlds
can fall apart, leading to isolation (and sometimes) suicide. As violent and oppressive as undoubtedly some of these men have been, it’s sad to know that while White Ribbon challenges their world view, they reject the White Ribbon Campaign out of hand and revert to calling it an attempt by women to further dominate the world.
The White Ribbon Facebook site is a place where like-minded people can debate and inspire each other. It is a place where many feel safe from the abuse they suffered at the hands of perpetrators. It is a place where former perpetrators engage in discussions about how they can help make the world a better place. The difference between these men and the ones ‘flaming’ (hostile and insulting interaction between Internet users) the site, is the recognition of the role they played in the breakdown and violence in their relationships or the role that other men play in that breakdown. Before you heal you have to acknowledge your past.
And that’s where this this discussion ends. The Michael Laws of this world blame women and the feminist movement for the ills of our society. By encouraging disagreeable posts, the Menz website helped to create an environment where the mitigation of rape and blaming of women occurred. Ironically, as I write this, the very website which encouraged what is known as ‘flaming’ has had to douse the ugliness on its own site, and cleanse some of the comments so as to appear moderate.
Are we inflaming the argument? Probably. But we’re also not backing down. For too long people have been intimidated by these men and many of those intimidated have contacted White Ribbon to thank us for our stand. We’re going to call out violence against women, whether it is physical or non-physical. To stand by and say nothing is an abdication of our pledge – to never commit or condone violence against women.
[i] Straus MA. Physical assaults by women partners: A major social problem. In Walsh MR, editor. Women, men and gender: Ongoing debates. New Haven: Yale University Press; 1997, p210–21.
[ii] Straus MA. Measuring family conflict and violence: The Conflict Tactics Scales. J Marriage Fam. 1979;41:75–88.
[iii] McMaster K. Feeling angry playing fair: Breaking the cycle of abuse. Auckland: Reed; 1992/1998.
[iv] McMaster K. Groupwork with men who abuse. In: McMaster K, Wells A, editors. :Innovative approaches to stopping family violence. Wellington: Steele Roberts; 2003, p112–27.
[v] Trute B, Connolly M. Couple therapy in conjugal violence: Assessing safety and readiness for conjoint treatment. In McMaster K, Wells A. Innovative approaches to stopping family violence. Wellington: Steele Roberts; 2003, p144–60.
[vi] Giles JR. Growing through adversity: Becoming women who live without partner abuse. A grounded theory study. Auckland: School of Psychotherapy, Auckland University of Technology; 2004.
[vii] Dobash RP, Dobash RE. Women’s violence to men in intimate relationships: Working on a puzzle. Brit J Criminol. 2004;44:324–49.
[viii] Giles JR. Growing through adversity: Becoming women who live without partner abuse. A grounded theory study. Auckland: School of Psychotherapy, Auckland University of Technology; 2004.
[ix] Moffitt TE, Caspi A, Krueger RF et al. Do partners agree about abuse in their relationships? A psychometric evaluation of interpartner agreement. Psychol Assess. 1997;9:47–56.
Here are a number of images from around the world.
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Thank You Hater Song (Content may offend)
Throughout the world Facebook and websites are ‘flamed’. The often obnoxious and hateful comments reverberate across the globe and do affect people. This song was put together in Britain as a reaction to this phenomenon and bulling in general. This song was written for all the anonymous flamers and all profits from its download go to http://www.beatbullying.org. The ‘Thank You Hater’ song is now available: on itunes
The song is dedicated to hard working internet trolls everywhere.Love ya, keep on trollin’! X Isabel & all the Clever Pies
American rap artist Lupe Fiasco needs your help. He’s starting a revolution, and it’s for women’s rights.
As a role model and a performer, he’s part of a future where youth are taught to question labels.
But it’s an uphill battle against well-settled influences, engrained deep in popular culture psyche. It’s a paradox of demand and supply. The mainstream rap and hip hop industry fuels the norm and the norm dictates the lyrics and music.
In that pop culture world, women are objects. They look, act, and speak in orbit of the male ego. And often that’s an understatement. The catch is this: no-one speaks out about it. In fact, many artists disguise the issue by distancing themselves personally from the domain of commercial music.
Lil Wayne
Dwayne Carter (Lil Wayne), an American artist, recently told MTV: “I don’t know what anyone else believes, but I believe females deserve the ultimate respect at all times no matter when, or where, or how.”
Does he really believe that? How does that message stack up against the content he broadcasts to his tens of millions of fans? A Slate Magazine review of Lil Wayne’s music said that it “recreates in pornographic detail what are presumably his daily dalliances with all different kinds of [women]”, and discusses “his nether regions quite a bit, as well as the many women who have apparently been in contact with them.” The short answer would seem to be no.
Dwayne is typical of a generation of artists in his genre. Media interviews are graced media-friendly sound bites that most self-respecting adults would approve of. It’s too bad that the music they produce remains a thicket of disrespect towards women. Admittedly, that’s a strong assertion but the music’s content genuinely leaves little room for other opinions.
Nicki Minaj
What about female artists? The uptake of female artists in the genre should lead to a more balanced outlook, except it hasn’t. Nicki Minaj is a popular female artist. While some of her music is harmless, pointing out that star ships were meant to fly, other compositions are dangerous for women. One song is entitled “You a stupid hoe”, a phrase that repeats 14 times as the chorus. Yes, I counted that unfortunately. All of her songs to a greater or lesser extent share the same vernacular as her male colleagues. She even describes herself as a “bad bitch”, which is intended to be a compliment.
That is a short but not exhaustive summary of the inheritance many artists are passing on to the future generation.
Lupe Fiasco won’t be. He’s a circuit breaker. What makes him so different?
Some of Lupe’s key aims are an end to the media glamorising negativity, status symbols dictating our individual worth, the divide between wealth, race, and class. He attached these with his 2007 album
Lupe Fiasco ‘Bad Bitch’
On June 26, Lupe stood up for women’s rights. His single, “Bitch Bad”, has a simple message:
Bitch bad, woman good, lady better
By focusing on the labels and the underlying stereotypes, Lupe hopes to effect change. The song seeks to address the “fruit of confusion” for youth: “bitch” is a “psychological weapon”. It goes further too, recognising that youth have easy access to uncensored musical videos and readily mimic the behaviour of role models, like their parents.
GQ/BMW magazine interviewed Lupe and he reflected on his fame. It is “an opportunity to dwell in the popular culture world,” he said, while his allegiances remain to “counter culture” or the non-popular culture sphere.
The influence of music artists should not be underestimated. It should be encouraged, but on terms that speak to values we want to see reflected in society. Sometimes artists like Lupe do the hard work for us, and when they do, we need to become part of the demand for more music like it. The ideals of the White Ribbon Campaign are founded on the brave actions of people like Lupe, who stand up for what they believe in: non-violence and respect towards women.
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A nine-year-old and a 10-year-old who call themselves Watoto From The Nile wrote and performed a hip-hop song about rapper Lil Wayne’s derogatory and sexist lyrics.
These are the initial t-shirt designs. We’d love to hear what you have to say and whether you have any great ideas for designs. Shirts will be on sale in October and when you wear one – you’re getting the non violence message out.
Violence never solves anything
If I need a punching bag I hit the gym
These shirts fits the campaign theme for this November. And that is around non-physical violence. This is something we know that many men do not understand, so we hope people will support the campaign by getting these messages into their communities.
Real me use their words for good
Sticks and stones may break my (your) bones but words can also scar me (you)
People have been asking us for ages for t-short for their kids. So here they are. Colorful and positive in their messaging. Let us know what you think.
I’m from a no hitting family
My dad’s superhero because he respects my mum
Love feels warm and fuzzy
Simply email us and let us know what you think. We will let you know when ordering begins in the next newsletter.
T-Shirts have been designed by Emily. To see her other work click here
Hui to inspire and train men who want to end violence in their communities.
Organised by the Te Kupenga/National Network Stopping Violence Services, Tauawhi Men’s Centre, Tairawhiti Men Against Violence and Ngati Porou Hauora.
Sam Chapman
Join us for a Men’s Hui to end violence that includes a breakfast with Chief Family Court Judge Peter Boshier and Alfred Ngaro – White Ribbon Ambassador and Member of Parliament, key note addresses from Sam Chapman – Winner of the Local Hero Award at the New Zealander of the Year Awards, presentations from the White Ribbon and It’s Not OK Campaigns, and Jude Simpson – Family Violence Advocate for Presbyterian Support Northern, and Kristen Dunne-Powell (Family Violence survivor and Sophie Elliott Foundation Trust member ) and many many more.
The hui (held on the East Coast) will also provide a fantastic platform for stimulating discussion and activities such as traditional Maori food gathering and preparation designed to help men think about the multiple roles they have in supporting and role modelling healthy and respectful relationships in their whanau.
Cost
$90
community agencies
$145
government agencies
This registration fee covers food, accommodation (Friday and Saturday), speakers, activities and free resources. This low cost is only made possible through the support of the local community, Te Kupenga/National Network Stopping Violence, Tauawhi Men’s Centre, Tairawhiti Men Against Violence, Ngati Porou Hauora, White Ribbon and It’s Not OK.
We will be updating this site regularly and including further information about speakers and the programme.
Book now if you want to:
Click here to download programme
Build connections and support networks
Build men’s knowledge of the impacts of violence on women
Identify and share effective practice
Look at social change campaigns such as “White Ribbon” and “It’s not Ok” and how as men we can understand, inform, and champion these approaches
Explore different cultural paradigms that can support our work, with a key focus on working with Maori and cross culturally
Challenge constructions of masculinity that underpin men’s violence such as entitlement and privilege
Explore cultural knowledges, values, beliefs and practices that build respectful and enhancing relationships with the women, children and men in our lives.
Here’s a great video to get you thinking: Tony Porter makes a call to men everywhere: Don’t “act like a man.” Telling powerful stories from his own life, he shows how this mentality, drummed into so many men and boys, can lead men to disrespect, mistreat and abuse women and each other. His solution: Break free of the “man box.” Tony Porter is an educator and activist who is internationally recognized for his effort to end violence against women.
The Matariki event opened with the Hon Dr Pita Sharples who acknowledged more than 100 men, women and children who have died over a five year period through domestic violence or child abuse. These names included the likes of Helen Meads murdered by her husband, Bronwyn Sadler from Christchurch and 2 month old Tahi Elvis Edwards who was suffocated in the back of a car.
New White Ribbon Ambassador Dr Pita Sharples
Superintendent John Tims of Counties Manukau Police and Auckland Regional Director of Child Youth and Family, Grant Bennett spoke about the role of their agencies in supporting the families through these tragedies.
The most moving part of this event was when the names of the 100 or more people were read out said SAFVPN Co-Chair and newly appointed White Ribbon Ambassador George Ngatai. This was followed by the presentation of fellow White Ribbon Ambassador David White whose daughter Helen Mead was murdered by her husband in 2009.
“We need to stand up to abuse against women and go one step further against children and families as well. I am honored to be part of this campaign and I thought about it, what it would be like if it was my family, my wife, my 2 year old son who was killed and tears well up inside me. If I can help stop this abuse and stop one more life being taken by being a White Ribbon Ambassador I’m happy” George said.
SAFVPN Co-Chair and newly appointed White Ribbon Ambassador George Ngata
The White Ribbon Day campaign raises awareness of men’s violence against women – which in New Zealand is generally directed at wives, girlfriends and other intimate partners. White Ribbon Ambassadors encourage men to get involved by helping to challenge and change men’s abusive behaviour and attitudes towards women.
White Ribbon Ambassadors are chosen for their passion and commitment to ending violence towards women. There are now 43 ambassadors who use their public profile to champion a violence-free lifestyle to other men. Dr Sharples has co-chaired the Waitakere Task Force on Family Violence for many years, initially with former mayor Bob Harvey.
‘I’m honoured to have been nominated as a White Ribbon Ambassador,’ says Dr Sharples. ‘I have worn a White Ribbon for many years as a symbol of non-violence, and now to be asked to take a leadership role is very humbling.
‘I believe that our tamariki are our future and they deserve to grow up in homes that are violence-free, and I want to encourage young men to build relationships based on love and respect’ says Dr Sharples.
Check out this great fundraiser in Christchurch being organised for our friends the Sophie Elliott Foundation.
Their vision is to raise the awareness of young woman, as well as those of their family and friends to the dangers of unsafe and/or violent relationships. The Sophie Elliott Foundation is a legacy to a very special 22 year old, Sophie Elliott. Sophie’s life was tragically and brutally taken from her by her ex-boyfriend. They had dated for just five months. It is these 15-24 year olds that are the age group most at risk of physical, psychological and sexual victimisation from current and ex-partners, those known to them including boyfriend/girlfriends
The Sophie Elliott Foundation says ‘enough and we agree. Help support the foundation to raise funds to continue to promote safe and healthy relationships, and raise awareness about the signs of abuse in dating relationships.
Wenesday 25th July
Riccarton Park Showgate Room, 6:30pm
Christchurch
Featuring Lesley Elliott as she tells Sophie’s Story, What we missed
Carl Davidson (Chief Commissioner, Families Commission)
Bill OBrien (co author of Sophie’s Legacy and former Police Officer) and MC for the night
For tickets contact:
Daniel on 03 332 9654 or 2274 693 500 or dtovenspecialists@hotmail.co.nz
Cost – $85
Includes 3 course set menu and drinks
For more information about the Sophie Elliott Foundation www.sophieelliottfoundation.co.nz
Tyson’s visit to New Zealand to talk about his life story. 
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