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December 4, 2012
2012 White Ribbon Ride Poster
The White Ribbon Ride in 2012 visited some 80 communities with 96 events throughout New Zealand. Next year we will document the ride in detail, but check out these pictorial accounts. For more information about the ride click here.
December 4, 2012
Masculine Empires: How Men Use Violence to keep Women in Line
Launched as part of the White Ribbon Campaign at The University of Auckland, Masculine Empires: How Men Use Violence to keep Women in Line, takes an entirely new perspective on issues of violence towards women, and is therefore able to offer insights that many readers will not have encountered before.
The book is written by Associate Professor Peter Adams from the School of Population Health at The University of Auckland, published by Dunmore Publishing Ltd and supported by the White Ribbon Campaign, the National Network for Stopping Violence Services and Women’s Refuge.
Associate Professor Adams says his intention has been to examine the broader social underpinnings of men’s violence – to look at how a deeply-engrained belief in male superiority can drive a perception of male entitlement to power in the home: ‘It flips explanations for violence from what is happening in the minds of individual ‘bad’ men to a broader exploration of the social world and of ways in which men approach intimate relationships, and how male friendships help them maintain positions of power.
‘The book is unusual in two ways. One is its narrative structure which focuses on the conversation of five men who meet regularly in a bar, and talk about their lives and their relationships, allowing readers to gain an understanding of the assumptions men make about women, the influence of the history of men being in charge and various control strategies that men can use to perpetuate their dominance in the home.
‘The other unusual feature is the focus on colonisation as a way of understanding violence’, says Associate Professor Adams: ‘At an academic level I have set out to show how the oppressive dominance that men impose on women in violent and abusive relationships can be seen as paralleling the strategies used by one people in their colonisation of another… Indeed the alienation, loss of ownership and disempowerment experienced by those living in such colonies resembles in many ways the violations that women experience in oppressive intimacies.’
Each chapter of the book begins with a vignette focused on the voices of colonisers in New Zealand’s colonial history.
Masculine Empires was launched at 5.30pm on Tuesday 20 November as part of the Families Commission’s nation-wide White Ribbon Campaign, which aims to encourage men to stand up and be visible about men’s violence to women.
The launch included an acted scene from the book and readings of brief extracts.
Information on Peter
Peter Adams practised as a clinical psychologist from 1981 to 2002, working primarily with issues relating to addiction and violence. During this time he co-founded an organisation providing intervention services for violence, and initiated a specialist training programme on violence and trauma. He has been an investigator in a series of research projects looking at how men talk about their violence against women and is the author of two previous sole-authored books.
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Sharmian Firth (editor from Dunmore Publishing, behind desk) and Fiona Rossen and Robert Brown at the book launch
Peter Adams and Alison Towns (researcher)
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Peter J. Adams
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Characters:
The play has five characters who congregate regularly in a bar at a squash club. The book eaves-drops on their conversations about women and relationships. This scene involves three of the characters.
Descriptions
Bill: Late thirties to late forties. General labourer. In second marriage to Vera. They have two children. Bill speaks confidently and coursely. Dresses in rough jeans and teeshirt or jacket.
Gavin: Late thirties to late forties. Telecommunications technician. Heavy drinker. Married to Rose, with three children. Known Bill from childhood (went to same school). Dresses neatly but informally.
Aaron: Mid-late thirties. University educated, migrated from England 20 years ago. Employed as floor manager in home appliance store. Married to Lana with one pre-school child. Christian and avoids swearing. Dresses with work shirt, open collar.
Scene Description
A bare table with three chairs. Aaron arrives straight from work, walks across with a beer to find Gavin at the table by himself looking glumly down into his second glass of beer.
AARON What’s up?
GAVIN I’ve had a row with the missus. I’m in the dog-box again… she’s not talking to me.
AARON That’s no good, me ol’ mate. I was hoping after our last discussion things might’ve improved?
GAVIN Rose continues to get on her high horse about things.
Both pause to drink
AARON What sort of things? Is she talking of extending the house again?
GAVIN No, not that.
Gavin pauses and looks up quizzically at Aaron.
GAVIN Well, actually it’s all gone downhill ever since she started training as a teacher.
AARON As I remember, you sounded really pleased when she took that on.
GAVIN Well, I’m not so sure anymore… It was okay before, when she was at home bringing up the kids; back then we seemed to get along fine. But now, since she’s started studying, she’s coming home with all these fancy new ideas about how our family should operate. These ideas just keep leading us into all sorts of arguments.
AARON If you don’t mind me saying, you’re not a little threatened by her getting all that education?
GAVIN No, no. I don’t mind that. It’ll be good when she brings home another salary. No, it’s more to do with the ideas they’re putting into her head at college and the new people she’s hanging out with.
Both pause to drink.
GAVIN Now, I’m the first to say women need their independence; we’ve made a lot of progress with this over the last century…
AARON Hmmm, too right, as long as they don’t take over, eh?
GAVIN Hmm…. But this new bunch of college friends are stuffing all sorts of women’s libber ideas into her head. She keeps raising things we’ve never discussed before. She wants more say in how we spend our money, how we communicate, more time with her friends… all that sort of stuff.
AARON Yeah?
GAVIN Well, I reckon they’ve persuaded her that I’m a male chauvinist pig; that I’m trying to fuckin’ hold her back and control her.
AARON That’s so not true… I know you and Rose, and I know that there’s nothing stopping Rose from doing most the things she wants… No way have you held her back.
GAVIN Yes, mate; that’s how I see it… This all blew up because she’s opened up her own fuckin’ bank account. Imagine that! We’ve always operated off a joint account; I’ve always put all my earnings into that one account. Now that she’s heading for full time work, she wants one of her own. I tell you, it’s fuckin’ ripe if you ask me.
AARON We’ve got all our money in a joint account. I let Lana use it for most things, but I always check over the bank statements and ask her about anything I don’t understand.
GAVIN Yeah, that’s how we used to do it. It worked well.
Both look up to see Bill sauntering towards the table with two jugs of beer. He plonks them on the table.
BILL Here you guys, some more for your fuckin’ fuel tanks.
AARON Aw, thanks Bill… Gavin’s describing how women’s libbers are trying to influence his missus.
BILL Orrww that’s rough mate.
Bill sits down and pours himself a beer.
BILL Look I’m a feminist… I love women.
Bill watches the confused looks of the other men.
BILL I love to fuck women.
AARON Bill, you must be a feminist’s worst nightmare.
All three laugh.
BILL Nah mate, arsehole feminists; always trying to ruin things.
AARON So Gavin, where have you left it with the bank accounts?
Gavin pauses for a moment, looking down at his beer glass.
GAVIN I
said to her, if that’s what she wants, then I’m opening my own fuckin’ account and I’m going to put all my own earnings into it.
AARON Fair enough, mate. She can’t have it both ways. I bet she wasn’t pleased with that?
GAVIN Too right she wasn’t! I tell you, did she go fuckin’ ballistic; she started gibbering on accusing me of always trying to control the finances. What nonsense! All my wages go into that joint account, and she spends most of it. I don’t see fuck-all—except maybe the occasional bit I spend on clothes…
BILL Ah, and on fuckin’ booze, huh… I tell you, I don’t have anything to do with the money; Vera handles all of it. I just check it from time to time and give her arseholes if she’s fucked up or spent too much.
AARON Like an auditor, eh Bill? … She does all the work and you’re the authority who checks up on her?
Bill pauses briefly and glares at Aaron, then takes a large swig of his beer.
BILL Nah, I tell you guys, men are meant to be in charge. That’s the way it’s always been and that’s the way it’s gonna stay.
GAVIN Right-on Bill. The man has to wear the pants. You can’t possibly have women wearing the pants; everything would be chaos.
AARON I dunno Gavin. Couldn’t women share half the pants?
GAVIN No, mate, then the whole outfit would fall over… I mean, you look at how they’ve acted throughout history. Are there any women who’ve been great leaders or scientists, or writers? No, they’re all men. And you look at all the various tribes; they’ve had bugger all contact with each other and yet, no matter where in the world, it’s men who are in charge. It’s just a fact of life; men are natural-born leaders. That’s it, pure and simple, men are designed to rule.
AARON Hmm Gavin, I’m not convinced. I think you need to provide us with more reasons why it’s like that.
GAVIN Yeah, but let’s face it. We go to work, we earn the money, we run the bloody place… Look, how many women have we had in charge of a corporation or a council, or even a country?
Gavin pauses to check they are following.
GAVIN Yes, hardly any… And that’s why they’re out of touch; they simply aren’t connected to how things operate in the wider world.
BILL That’s ‘cause their fuckin’ brains are wired up differently than our’s. Their heads are all full of fluff. That’s the way they are. You just look at their magazines: full of gossip and mindless rubbish.
AARON Oh come on Bill! Don’t exaggerate. They’re not morons; they’re capable of many of the same things as us.
Bill steers intensely at Aaron.
BILL Nah, listen Aaron. You think I’m fuckin’ stupid don’t you… I’ve read all about it. Women’s heads are full of fuckin’ girly crap.
AARON Bill, don’t be so gross.
Aaron turns to Gavin.
AARON But Gavin, you still haven’t given a reason for why men should be in charge?
GAVIN Ahh… well… men are natural bosses because that’s the way we’ve evolved. See, scientists have found out that those species which specialise in particular roles are more likely to survive. Sharks eat other fish, snapper eat shellfish, cod eat seaweed; you know, each animal fits in with each other in its own special way. It’s similar with humans; men specialize in certain tasks and women in other tasks. As they get better at these tasks, they work together more efficiently and then that contributes to our chances of survival. Men are stronger and more innovative so they have tended to take up roles involving leadership.
BILL Yeah, yeah, I agree with you there mate. Men have evolved to be in charge; they’re stronger and therefore they’re natural bosses.
AARON Look, I don’t think you need evolution to explain all this… I reckon it’s all laid out quite well in the Bible. The Holy Book makes it very clear what should happen regarding the relationship between men and women; it says that women are designed to be led by men.
Silence. Bill and Gavin exchange glances.
GAVIN Aw, you don’t really think that what’s written down in the Bible explains anything?
BILL Yeah, and all that fuckin’ crap about Adam and Eve; Bloody fairy-tales if you ask me.
AARON No, no, hold on guys. Our pastor has been talking to us over the last two weeks on just this issue. Look, in Saint Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians he talks about: ‘For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.’ I understand this as saying God not only intended but also created woman for the purpose of serving men.
BILL Aw, but what the fuck do pastors or priests or any of that lot know?
AARON See, when you think about it, God designed men to be stronger for a purpose… and the purpose He has in mind is for men to be in charge… and for men to plan and build up the world we live in to be prosperous and to be good and…
BILL Aw bullshit Aaron. You can’t tell me that book’s believable: men dying then rising from the dead, men being swallowed by whales, virgins giving birth and all that stuff. It’s just not fuckin’ believable!
AARON Well, hold on Bill. If you can’t call on the Bible to explain why men should be in charge then what are you going to base your claims on? It seems to me that all you have to offer is that men are in charge because they are in charge. That’s no defence; that’s just totally circular!
Bill is staring intensely at Aaron and moves his head forward.
BILL Nah, fuck all this bullshit. You just think you’re fuckin’ smarter than any of us because you’ve had more education.
Bill stands and leans forward more towards Aaron.
BILL Well you can just go fuck yourself.
Gavin stands up next to him and whispers
GAVIN Calm down, Bill. He’s not meaning anything by this.
Bill stands back and continues to glare.
BILL Look Aaron, you shit-head. You’re not fuckin’ better than any of us…
Bill glances at Gavin then back at Aaron.
BILL Fuck this, I’m out of here.
As Bill marches angrily away Gavin grabs his sports-bag and yells out.
GAVIN Wait for me mate… I need a lift
END OF SCENE
Associate Professor Peter Adams School of Population Health
The University of Auckland
p.adams@auckland.ac.nz
November 24, 2012
The White Ribbon Pledge will feature in the November 25 edition of the Sunday Star Times
Mayors throughout New Zealand have taken The Pledge ‘to never commit condone or remain silent about violence towards women’.
The White Ribbon team appreciates all your support as we work together to end men’s violence towards women. It’s been a fantastic campaign with hundreds of thousands of New Zealanders participating . Now as we celebrate White Ribbon Day on November 25 – let’s not for one moment believe the mission is completed.
This year an average of 14 women will die, while over 3,500 convictions will be recorded against men for assaults on women while one in three women will experience partner violence at some point in their lives.
We must change the attitudes which allow this violence to continue and that means taking action if you know or suspect violence is occurring.
No longer can we say it’s ok when we know that violence taking place. The White Ribbon Pledge asks us ‘to never remain silent’, for silence breeds violence. As men please use your collective voices to make our message heard – that violence against women is not ok, and that we all have a collective responsibility.
This year we’ve asked if you’re ‘man enough’ because we believe that being a man has nothing to do with violence. The White Ribbon kaupapa encourages healthy relationships built on love and respect. We promote these beliefs through our White Ribbon Ambassadors, the White Ribbon Riders and through the support of you the public, whether by attending White Ribbon Events, wearing the ribbon or taking The Pledge.
Thank you for your support, but please don’t let this issue fall off the radar. Please wear your white ribbon not just today, but 365 days a year and live The Pledge.
Rob McCann White Ribbon Campaign ManagerNovember 17, 2012
Raj Bedi
Raj Bedi has a Masters in Sociology and LL.B. and migrated to New Zealand in 2002 from India. His professional journey in New Zealand includes fulfilling roles as a South Asian Life Style Coordinator-ProCare, Community Centre Manager YMCA Auckland and Programme Advisor Migrant/Adult Educator Ora Limited NZ. Currently he is a qualified interpreter with CMDHB, ADHB and DOL.
Raj believes that an effective way to change attitudes of men towards women is by educating and raising awareness through legal, cultural, spiritual and religious settings. He is well known for his commitment to raising awareness among the community.
His voluntary roles are: Assistant Secretary-NZ Indian Central Association since 2010, Secretary-Auckland Sikh Society Inc (2009-2012), past V-President and present Executive member NZ Punjabi Cultural Association (2006-2012), Past Secretary and present executive member Manukau Indian Association (2008-2012) and Member Lions Club Papatoetoe (2010-2012). Raj received a Volunteer award from the then Manukau Mayor His Worship Len Brown twice over the last ten years and has recently been appointed a Justice of the Peace in April 2012.
His other interests are travel, appearing in TV commercials, music and meeting people from various cultural backgrounds and ethnicities.
As an Ambassador, Raj intends to continue promoting the kaupapa at speaking engagements, community events, and motivating others to challenge the abusive behavior of men in the families.
November 16, 2012
Pete Hodkinson
Pete Hodkinson, President of the NZ Union of Students’ Associations (NZUSA), today became the latest Ambassador for the White Ribbon campaign on the eve of the White Ribbon Ride starting tomorrow Saturday 17 November.
The White Ribbon Day campaign raises awareness of men’s violence against women – which in New Zealand is generally directly at wives, girlfriends and other intimate partners. Ambassadors use their public profile to champion a violence free lifestyle to other men.
‘I’m honoured to be joining other White Ribbon Ambassadors in encouraging all men to exhibit zero tolerance for any form of violence towards women,’ says Pete Hodkinson.
‘As well as offering my personal support to the campaign I’m putting out a call to all male students to examine their behaviour and to commit to pushing back on all forms of violence – including psychological and emotional abuse – by taking the White Ribbon Pledge publicly via Facebook http://www.facebook.com/whiteribbonnz
‘This year’s focus on the amount of fear that is caused by violent verbal behaviour is a reminder of forms of abuse that are too often underestimated.
‘As students head into a break from their studies this is a good time to reflect on any negative behaviour they may have witnessed during the year. As they head into 2013 they should do so with a determination to make the places they live and study in, the safest possible environments for women, and to speak out against violence’.
Notes: Pete Hodkinson will be serving his second term as President of NZUSA in 2013 after being re-elected in 2012. Through his involvement in the Student movement Pete has represented New Zealand students locally during his time at Unitec, nationally through NZUSA and is also actively engaged in working with the Pacific Students Association and Commonwealth Students Association. He represented New Zealand at the Global Student Leadership Summit held in London in September 2012. He is an accomplished public speaker, a musician and a Crossfit athlete.
November 9, 2012
Mayors throughout New Zealand have helped launch the White Ribbon Campaign by signing The Pledge to never commit, condone or remain silent about violence towards women.
The White Ribbon Pledge is one of a number of initiatives organised by the Families Commission-led White Ribbon Campaign. The pledge brings together New Zealanders throughout the country in a united show of support to end violence against women. As this support grows for a violence-free future, the White Ribbon Campaign hopes to encourage men to take a stand and show they’re man enough to end violence. To sign the pledge simply click here
The Pledge Sheet signed by NZ Mayors
November 4, 2012
Len Brown signs the White Ribbon Pledge
The White Ribbon Campaign to end men’s violence against women was today launched by Auckland Mayor and White Ribbon Ambassador Len Brown.
‘I’m proud to launch the 2012 White Ribbon Campaign’ says the Mayor. ‘Violence against women is unacceptable, and as a man I want to play my part in ending this violence.’
The 2012 White Ribbon Campaign was launched today with Mayors throughout New Zealand putting their signatures on a pledge to never commit or condone or remain silent about violence towards women. The signatures will be displayed on 25 November on the international White Ribbon Day.
‘On average, more than one woman dies and over 290 men are convicted for assaults on women every month. Those women are our mothers, daughters, sisters, female workmates and colleagues,’ says Len Brown. ‘As men, we must take responsibility to end this violence, and that is why I and many other community leaders are putting our names on the White Ribbon pledge.’
The White Ribbon Pledge is one of a number of initiatives organised by the Families Commission-led White Ribbon Campaign. The pledge brings together leaders from throughout the country in a united show of support to end violence against women. As support grows for a violence-free future, the White Ribbon Campaign hopes to encourage men to take a stand and show they’re man enough to end violence.
‘We want this campaign to talk to people that are outside the tent,’ says Chief Families Commissioner, Carl Davidson. ‘There are many passionate people throughout the country working to reduce violence, but we need to connect with the many good men that simply don’t believe this problem affects them.’
‘While there’s no violence in my family, I could easily say this issue doesn’t affect me. But I have two daughters, and one day, I might have grandchildren. I don’t need any other reason to make ending violence against women my responsibility. And that goes for nearly every man I know. We all have women in our lives, and to shrug our shoulders and say this violence only affects others is a cop out.’
‘By standing up and not remaining passive bystanders, we can influence our friends, our mates and work colleagues. Are we man enough to stop violence towards women – I’d like to think so,’ says Mr Davidson.
| Office of the Mayor: Glyn JonesChief Press Secretary 021-475897 glyn.jones@aucklandcouncil.govt.nz | White Ribbon Media Contact: Rob McCannFamilies Commission White Ribbon Campaign Manager 04 917 7045 or 029 917 7045 rob.mccann@nzfamilies.org.nz |
White Ribbon is an international campaign that asks men to show they won’t tolerate, condone or remain silent about violence towards women. It originated as a men’s movement in Canada and is now part of the United Nations annual calendar. The Families Commission took a leadership role in New Zealand in 2006 and the campaign now focuses on the whole of November, culminating on 25 November – White Ribbon Day.
White Ribbon is a campaign to change attitudes and behaviours around men’s violence towards women. This is led by men, for men. This isn’t about finger pointing and blame. It is about recognising that there is a serious problem, accepting the fact that abuse could be happening around each and every one of us, and that it’s critical to step from the side-line and take action. White Ribbon promotes a violence-free culture change in New Zealand and in order to facilitate this, organises nationally-led projects to support local initiatives.
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Key Messages
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This year the campaign will include messages on non-physical violence, an area that is little understood, and very commonly experienced by women. Many women say it is the worst kind of abuse, and often underestimated. It is about manipulation, intimidation and coercion – using fear to get what you want. It’s often not recognised because it can be subtle and hidden. Survivors say psychological abuse attacks their spirit and self-esteem, and its effects can last the longest. Key Messages here.
There are now 49 Ambassadors who are men from all walks of life that are willing to stand up and support the campaign. Ambassadors include: sports stars Ruben Wiki and Harry Ngata; politicians Prime Minister John Key and Hon Pita Sharples; community leaders Auckland Mayor Len Brown and former Mayor Bob Harvey; sector leaders Tau Huirama and Brian Gardner, Judges Peter Boshier and Ajit Singh; entertainers Stan Walker and Billy TK Jnr and many more. See the full list here.
The White Ribbon Ride is an exciting initiative to promote a violence-free culture change. The week-long motorcycle tour takes place every November with a lead group of riders steering three convoys through 80 towns in the North and South Islands, picking up support riders in every region. Events are organised in every town, from school and prison visits, marches and breakfasts, to fashion parades, quiz nights and Dads and Lads days. Download the itinerary here.
White Ribbon has an active Facebook presence with multiple posts each day designed to provoke discussion, raise awareness and share success stories. With a viral reach that can exceed a quarter of a million people, this is a unique medium to join the conversation about ending men’s violence towards women Visit our Facebook page.
Over 600,000 free resource items are distributed annually to assist communities with local promotion of the White Ribbon kaupapa. In September 2012, the campaign launched a new online shop where supporters can purchase branded merchandise to help support the campaigns three-year plan to become self-funding. Resources and Shop.
The White Ribbon Committee, made up of government departments and NGOs, provides strategic advice to the Campaign, and increasingly, prominent organisations such as NZ Football are promoting White Ribbon as their cause of choice. The campaign is funded and led by the Families Commission with support from Ministry of Social Development and Te Puni Kōkiri. Further information can be found here.
November 1, 2012
The White Ribbon Campaign welcomes Martin Sloman as a White Ribbon Ambassador.
Martin Sloman is a counsellor working in Primary Mental Health and in private practice. Originally from Wales, Martin arrived in New Zealand from the UK in 2009. He has a wife and two children and lives on the Kapiti Coast.
In his career history Martin has been a senior IT Manager in the UK, before eventually changing career direction to work as a therapist. He has a particular interest in men’s mental health and together with Kapiti musician Ryan Edwards formed “Whirlwind” (www.whirlwindstories.com), which endeavours to encourage men to tell and share their stories about surviving the tough stuff, and not to rely on negative coping strategies which can often include abuse or violence. The postcards from the project contain stark quotes from famous and ordinary men and have been circulated NZ wide. They have a particular presence in “living without violence” organisations.
There is much synergy between Whirlwind’s story and the role of a White Ribbon Ambassador. Martin regards it as an honour to be in this role, that it brings together his “professional ethos as a therapist, his desire to be a support for men and their whanau and his own personal experience as father, husband, friend and as a man”.
October 25, 2012
A DIVERSE group of men took part in the White Ribbon Men’s Hui recently. Over 40 men, from a variety of roles and experiences connected to family violence, travelling from all over the north island, to meet and discuss ways to build a more connected approach to engaging men as part of the solution.
The weekend began with a White Ribbon breakfast, featuring speeches from ambassadors Alfred Ngaro and retiring Chief Family Court Judge Peter Boshier. The 50 breakfast guests were also treated to entertainment from the Gisborne Boys High School choir.
In his welcome, Mayor Meng Foon congratulated the white ribbon message. It was a necessary thing for men across the region, country and world to stand up together and admit first of all that there was a problem, he said. “And secondly to do something about it. It’s not OK to you know what. I’ll say it — it’s not OK to hit our women.”
“DAD, it’s me”, were three words that stopped Alfred Ngaro from hitting his eldest son over the loss of a pair of shoes. As a graduate of Bible College, Mr Ngaro said his reaction to the situation was a shock as he was supposed to be “one of the good guys”.
Many men had not had the positive male role model of a father in their lives but that did not stop them from being one themselves, said Mr Ngaro as he recounted the story of pinning his son up against a wall.
“Something was wrong with that picture. I was a contributing citizen, I had been an electrician, I had even gone to Bible College where supposedly you were meant to learn about giving people good news.
“Yet to my own son, instead of giving him love and care and a sense of discernment, I gave him my judgement and was about to give him my pain.” The first thing his wife said to him after the incident was, “you need to go back and see your dad”.
That began his journey to restore the relationship with his father. “I had to forgive my dad because he didn’t have what he could give to me. His dad died when he was young so he didn’t have a father figure.”
Although it was like “preaching to the converted”, he wanted to share the message with the practitioners who did the mahi, that to be champions of change the challenge was you had to be a champion of change yourself.
Introduced as a dad, a “sparky” and a Member of Parliament, Mr Ngaro was a handy man who knew how to make a difference and the power of change when people got together. Family violence had been around since the world began and human beings were there, he said.
“This is nothing new, but what are we going to do about this issue?” A face of the It’s not OK family violence campaign and a White Ribbon Ambassador, Alfred is spreading the message in Parliament as a National Party list MP.
The Gisborne Boys’ High School choir sang three songs and were acknowledged by the speakers as the future generation to carry on the message of anti-violence.
New White Ribbon ambassador, Gisborne District Councillor and TMAV co-founder Manu Caddie, with Judge Boshier, Alfred Ngaro and Brian Gardner
Former Boys’ High student, Judge Peter Boshier, said he was always very proud to return home. Pausing before you engaged was the simple message the Principal Family Court Judge wanted the participants at the men’s hui to take back to their communities.
Judge Boshier said New Zealand was still too much of an impulsive nation for contact. Combining the recent re-think of how the rugby scrum was played was a useful analogy that could be applied to road rage and family violence, he said.
“One of the huge powerful forces of any rugby team is that scrum. And yet things have changed a bit with the concept of what a scrum is and what its purpose is.”
It had moved from the “crunching terrible exercise” to “crouch, pause and engage”.
“I want to seize on that. Why we wanted to change that part of the scrum is because it pays to settle what it is that you are going to do before you do it. “I would like us to pause before we engage and it’s my sort of rearrangement of the new scrum.”
New Zealand’s attitude had changed with smoking and drink-driving but there was still too much violence, he said.
“There’s still too much of an impulsive nature; we are still going for contact before we think. “What if in all the instances of family violence someone had just paused and thought before they engaged. A split second later it might not have seemed like a good idea.
“I would really like us men in Gisborne, which is a leader in this field, to begin the attitude to change.”
A slight change in the programme, resulting from the unavailability of Whānau of the late Dr Pat Ngata, saw the hui move to Tauawhi Men’s Centre for a presentation from counsellor Tangi Hepi. It was also an opportunity for Co-ordinator Tim Marshall to share the journey that had resulted in the establishment of Tauawhi.
Tangi presented a simplified form of transactional analysis he uses, in which each person is made to act out of either the role of parent, adult or child. The behaviour of a drunk man can be likened to a child, therefore bringing “parent” out in his partner who may have to look after him. The key is about them relating as adult to adult. This simplified approach to the dynamics of family relationships, is regularly used in the weekly Tauawhi men’s group – which often involves conversations about family violence.
Tangi Hepi explains his models to a group participants at Tauawhi.
The hui continued at Rahui marae in Tikitiki where the first speaker was Kristin Dunne-Powell, a trustee of the Sophie Elliot Foundation and victim of family violence. Mrs Dunne-Powell told the room full of men – many of whom had perpetrated abuse themselves — of her own experience.
Before telling her story, Mrs Dunne-Powell asked the room of men in the wharenui to think of her as their daughter or niece. “By pledging to the white ribbon, you stand up for me and for women like me. Whatever role you take, you are protecting your daughter, wife, mother. By pledging, you educate others. “You are brave to stand up and say ‘it’s not OK’.
“You will not only not commit violence against women, but you will also not condone, or stay silent, about it.”
The hui participants were inspired and enlightened by her story and courage to share her experience. This also encouraged one of the local women to share her own story and Dale Ferris, from the National Network, to talk about women taking a stand.
Vic Tamati then led his “roll call” activity, talked about his violent past and his involvement with the “it’s not OK” campaign. The contrast between Vic’s background and upbringing couldn’t be more different from Kristin’s and was a clear reminder that family violence knows no boundaries in terms of ethnicity, background or social standing.
Mr Tamati also promoted the “Safe man, Safe family” project he has initiated. It is about supporting men and their families and long-term intervention and an alternative to spending huge amounts of money on putting men in prison. Safe man, Safe family is a comprehensive, community-based, prevention strategy that holds men accountable and works to keep them and their families safe.”
The guys prepare for the morning’s activities
On Saturday, group activities included a trip up Ngati Porou’s sacred maunga, Mount Hikurangi, fishing at Hicks Bay and learning about Maara Kai – traditional food cultivation and preparation. Strangely enough, no fish were caught, but the men attending the Maara Kai session, dined out on crayfish, kina and smoked fish!
These activities and the time we spent together allowed for a significant amount of space to connect and share experiences, stories and knowledge about the kaupapa. One man with links to the Coast plans to bring his boys back to climb the mountain and another man plans to return to the Coast to live after his experience over the weekend.
The activities were supported by the Ruatoria and Tikitiki-based Mana Tane groups, who are examples of a positive and proactive way for men to engage with each other in the context of activity.
The Hikurangi Maunga men, standing beneath the carved pou o Maui-tikitiki-a-Taranga, te Takapau – o – Maui, Mt Hikurangi.
Awhi Foundation co-founder Sam Chapman told the men his philosophy was not about change, it was about exchange. He made a connection with many of the men because of his background. His message was that in terms of change, we need to support men and their whānau to focus on what is OK, not just what’s not OK’.
The remainder of the weekend was spent sharing stories and experiences, some of which were extremely personal and recounted difficult life-experiences. It was testimony to the atmosphere, environment and the trust established in the group, that men felt safe to share
There was also discussion of next steps as the question was asked, where to from here? It was agreed that while the experience of coming together was a positive one, that we needed to make use of the opportunity and build on these connections. Most of the men agreed that it would be good to come together again and encourage other men to join in.
It was hoped that the weekend was a good starting point from wich these conversations and networking will continue. We have received great feedback from the men on their experiences and already we have set up an email network and ideas are being shared about possible ways forward.
“By our powers combined!” – It’s not OK and White Ribbon Champions re-group for the kaupapa.
October 25, 2012
The All White’s match against Tahiti was a big event in Christchurch with a huge crowd in attendance cheering the All Whites to victory. Check out the photo’s from the match highlighting the White Ribbon activities.
A special thank you to the White Ribbon volunteers and Barnados for their help handing out the thousands of ribbons, face painting a placing the signage.
History
New Zealand Football and the New Zealand Professional Footballers Association (NZPFA) partnered with White Ribbon as the All Whites official cause in 2011 and have put together a number of initiatives to profile ending men’s violence towards women.
‘Sometimes being tough gets confused with being violent but as a team we demonstrate that that both on and off the field violence is not ok,’ Ivan Vicelich, All White and father of one said. ‘Most of us have wives now, some have daughters. But all of us, and in fact all men have women in their lives – a friend, a sister, their mother – that they wouldn’t want to see in harm’s way. Signing up for White Ribbon is a way we can publically show that men are the solution.’
All Whites games have been used to raise awareness of the White Ribbon with on field messaging from the ground announcers, key messages delivered by the Sky TV commentators, signage, thousands of ribbons distributed to the fans, White Ribbon Riders and rides around the ground, white ribbon tattoos on children, press releases, cross promotion utilising each organisations media channels, ribbons on the players training gear and full page testimonials about White Ribbon in the match programmes.
The All Whites also produced their own poster, while team members took the pledge to never commit, condone or remain silent about violence towards women. Former All White Harry Ngata became a White Ribbon Ambassador and the Football Association created the White Ribbon Cup in 2012 enabling the White Ribbon message to be spread throughout communities.
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