Key Messages

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VIOLENCE TOWARDS WOMEN IS NEVER ACCEPTABLE

• It’s OK to ask for or offer help
• No violence is tolerable.  If you know someone who is being frightened or intimidated by the behaviour of someone else, it is not OK.
• Violence isn’t just physical.  It’s also emotional or verbal behaviour used to control someone through fear.

VIOLENCE IS NOT JUST PHYSICAL

• Psychological/emotional violence is a very common form of violence experienced by women and children. Many women say it is the worst kind of abuse.Psychological/emotional abuse is about manipulation and coercion, and affects your emotions and personality, rather than your body. Victims of emotional abuse can feel like they are going mad, are very frightened, and feel like they have no choices and are often made to feel like it’s their fault.This form of abuse is often underestimated. It’s not recognised by many people because it can be subtle and hidden. Survivors say psychological abuse attacks their spirit and self-esteem and its effects can last the longest.

MEN ARE PART OF THE SOLUTION

• Whether you are a husband, father, son, brother, uncle or granddad – we all have women in our lives that we love and wouldn’t want to see subjected to violence.
• The campaign aims to change men’s attitudes and behaviours, predominantly through men talking to men.  Men are role models for our children.  We need to nurture a culture that encourages respect and rejects violence.
• Like our White Ribbon Ambassador, Ruben Wiki, we can play sports and engage in physical activities with controlled aggression, but we must not bring violence into our homes.
• By wearing a White Ribbon, you can make it clear to other men that you do not tolerate violence towards women. White Ribbon Day is the international day when people, particularly men, wear a White Ribbon to show they won’t tolerate, condone or remain silent about violence towards women.
• You can also make sure your home, business, sports club is a safe environment where abusive behaviour is not tolerated.
• You can break the silence around domestic violence by challenging comments, statement and actions that are abusive, and supporting those who wish to change their abusive behaviour.

YOU CAN HELP FIX THIS PROBLEM

• Check that your actions and those of your mates are OK.  Be man enough to make a call on inappropriate behaviour.
• Make sure the women you know are OK.  If not, start a conversation with them, with their partners, or with someone who can help.
• For advice, call the helplines It’s Not Ok 0800 456 450 or Women’s Refuge 0800 733 843 or visit www.nnsvs.org.nz
• Wear a white ribbon every day, join a White Ribbon project or activity and show your support!

KEY STATISTICS

• One in three women will experience partner violence at some point in their lives[i]
• On average, 14 women are killed by their partners or ex partners in New Zealand each year.[ii]
• Over 3,500 convictions are recorded against men each year for assaults on women[iii]
• Only 20% of abuse cases are reported[iv]

The Families Commission and White Ribbon Committee works with multiple agencies and NGOs to coordinate the national campaign.  The White Ribbon campaign compliments but is separate to the family violence It’s Not OK campaign.

FACT SHEET ON GENDER AND FAMILY VIOLENCE

For more information click here 

NON PHYSICAL VIOLENCE

• Psychological/emotional violence is a very common form of violence experienced by women and children. Many women say it is the worst kind of abuse.Psychological/emotional abuse is about manipulation and coercion, and affects your emotions and personality, rather than your body. Victims of emotional abuse can feel like they are going mad, are very frightened, and feel like they have no choices and are often made to feel like it’s their fault.This form of abuse is often underestimated. It’s not recognised by many people because it can be subtle and hidden. Survivors say psychological abuse attacks their spirit and self-esteem and its effects can last the longest.
  

  Psychological Violence includes:

          Threats to take the kids/hurt the kids
          Threats to hurt pets
          Damaging property/walls/possessions to scare you
          Stalking, following, checking up on you, possessiveness, excessive jealousness
          Making you isolated and alone
          Blaming everything on you, making you feel everything you do is wrong
          Name calling and put downs, e.g. humiliating you in front of friends
          Isolating you from family and friends
          Using unsafe driving to frighten you
          Making you feel scared
          Controlling what you do, how you spend money (controlling your choices)

  Effects of psychological/emotional violence include:

          Physical injury
          Living in constant fear
          Feeling worthless
          Low self-esteem and loss of confidence
          Depression
          Feeling out of control
          A distorted sense of reality
          Feeling suicidal/committing suicide/self-harm
          Violent thoughts or actions
          Alcohol and drug abuse
          Mental illness
          Anxiety and worry
          Inability to hold down work
          Feeling whakama/shame, guilt or embarrassment
          Withdrawing from family and friends
          Bad relationships between you and your children
          Eating and sleeping problems
          Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (ptsd)
          Loss of energy, feeling apathetic
          Loss of community and culture
          Self-blame
          Hurting others that are close
          Copying controlling and violent behaviour
   

  What action can you take?

  By naming the behaviour as violence, we say this behaviour is not ok. If someone is suffering from non-physical violence you can:

  • Listen
  • Be there
  • Look after the children
  • Offer practical help
  • Get help from It’s Not Ok – 0800 456 450, Women’s Refuge 0800 733 843, Shakti, Te Kaupenga/NNSVS, Shine, Police, Family Services Directory

  When helping:

  • Give support, not advice
  • Take violence seriously
  • Challenge the behaviour, not the person
  • Think about (their/your) safety
  • Don’t intervene in a violent situation or when people are angry or drunk
  • Choose a quiet time

  For further information look at the It’s Not OK website

  How will the campaign deliver the non-physical violence messages?

  The campaign will use this language; ‘Violence isn’t just physical, it’s also emotional or verbal behaviour used to control someone through fear. Things we say, or don’t say, contribute to the abuse. Using fear or domination to get what you want is not OK’. The messages will be included part way through the campaign, so that the early focus of the media is about a men’s movement.

  • name the behaviour that is described as non-physical violence
  • name the effects of non-physical violence
  • inform the public what action they can take