Kelvin Davis joins White Ribbon and urges us to #Speakout

July 13, 2015 by

Kelvin Davis is asking us to #speakout against sexual violence

Kelvin Davis is asking us to #speakout against sexual violence

Kelvin Davis has been busy. Recently he helped to organise a march from West Auckland to Cape Reinga that began on Friday 29 May to raise awareness of sexual violence. The Massive: Men Against Sexual Violence walk is the first of its kind to be held in the country organised by men, and took 17 days and covered more than 400 kilometres beginning in West Auckland and ending at Cape Reinga.

We are also proud to announce that Kelvin has also become a White Ribbon Ambassador.

“One of my priorities coming in to Parliament was to stand up and say enough is enough over sexual violence,” says Kelvin Davis.

“It is with real pride that I have been asked to become a White Ribbon Ambassador and it is a responsibility I take seriously. I believe those of us who are committed to being loving and respectful men need to speak out loudly and clearly that we will not tolerate violence in any form, be it verbal, physical, emotional or sexual. The vast majority of men are good men;  we just need to make it known to our sons, brothers, fathers, uncles, cousins, nephews and mates who are violent, that their behaviour needs to change. Violent behaviour is a choice. With our collective determination we can turn the tide of violence against women, children – and other men, even if we have to do it one man at a time.

The #SpeakOut Men Against Sexual Violence (MASSIVE) Hikoi was a success. Our goal was to raise awareness about sexual violence and to encourage people to #SpeakOut. This was achieved through excellent media coverage, rallies in towns, visits to schools, visibility while on the road, support of Members of Parliament from across all political parties, calls to our 0800 MASSIVE helpline and regular social media updates.

We encouraged people to #SpeakOut if they were survivors, bystanders or are perpetrators. Survivors need to tell someone for support, bystanders need to intervene, and perpetrators need to get help before they commit harmful sexual behaviour. At its most basic level harmful sexual behaviour is a choice that perpetrators make and often the behaviour can be changed if addressed.

We are grateful to White Ribbon, Green Ribbon, The Redeemed Riders and numerous other supporters including Labour Leader Andrew Little, for their tautoko of us on the final day as we marched up to Cape Reinga.

The Hikoi has ended but the journey to end sexual violence continues. Although sexual violence is perpetrated by females and males against females and males, men make up the majority of offenders. The crucial voices missing from conversations about sexual violence are the voices of men. If we are part of the problem we need to be part of the solution. We are looking to other ways now to spread the #SpeakOut MASSIVE message across the country and to keep the issue in the public eye.

Kelvin Davis MP

All political parties have got behind the event and a help-line (0800 MASSIVE) is now available for anyone wanting to disclose issues around sexual violence.

All political parties have got behind the event and a help-line (0800 MASSIVE) is now available for anyone wanting to disclose issues around sexual violence.

MASSIVE

A quick look back

  • Visit the Massive Facebook page here
  • Take a photo and post using the tag #speakout
  • Donate to Massive here
  • Watch Kelvin talk on Marae about the Hikoi here
Visit the Massive Facebook Page

Visit the Massive Facebook Page

Hutia te rito o te korari
Kei hea te komako e ko?
If you destroy the centre shoot of the flax
Where will the bellbird sing?
It has been said that sexual violence destroy whakapapa. A story was relayed to us about a young girl who accused her father of sexual violence against her. The girl’s grandfather banned the girl from their marae and she now lives in Australia and has little to do with her family. Sexual violence has destroyed that family, she has lost the connection with her whanau, her whakapapa.
A whanau is like a flax bush. The young shoots (rito) are in the centre protected on the outside by awhi rito (parents) and tupuna leaves. If the centre shoot is destroyed, the native komako (bellbird) has nowhere from where to sing. The komako’s magnificence will not be realised for the world to hear.
Sexual violence likewise makes it extremely difficult for those affected to realise their full magnificence and to be recognised in their world.
Hence the symbolism of the komako and flax bush as a tohu (emblem) for Men Against Sexual Violence. #SpeakOut

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Supporting White Ribbon – St Hildas Collegiate – Dunedin

July 13, 2015 by

Josie Kyle and Madison Hughes are helping to raise awareness and funds for White Ribbon

Josie Kyle and Madison Hughes are helping to raise awareness and funds for White Ribbon

“Violence to women is a tragedy that runs deep within New Zealand society” say Josie Kyle and Madison Hughes of St Hilda’s Collegiate. “It’s also something that isn’t talked about often, even though it drastically affects people’s lives. We attend an all-girls school and find this issue relevant to our school and its special character. Violence to women is also very topical and we want to help the New Zealand community and do our part to raise awareness in New Zealand.”

We asked what prompted Josie and Madison to support White Ribbon?

“Initially we both sat down with our Chaplain and explained our wish to help a cause. We found White Ribbon to be a valuable charity in New Zealand. It supports a cause that should not be an issue in New Zealand and yet unfortunately is. We hope to raise awareness for this cause and bring the issue to light in our community.

As it seems to be a topic that people avoid as a conversation topic, we want to make people think about it and not avoid it. We’re going to be selling the white ribbons to our school and community with the support of the Z-Club that we are also in, and we have planned a mufti day in the third term with all proceeds going towards the charity. By doing these things we hope that women will realise that there is a support network for them, and hopefully they will feel encouraged to get help if they find themselves in an abusive relationship.

“We have had the full support of our Chaplain, Z-Club and Senior Leadership at St Hilda’s Collegiate. We are hoping that in future years we will make this an annual event that is passed down with two year twelves and two year thirteens organising the event. Ideally this will create a connection between our school and White Ribbon and each year we hope it will grow.”

On behalf of White Ribbon, we’d like to thank Josie, Madison and St Hilda’s Collegiate. We are supplying them with free ribbons which they are then selling to raise awareness and funds for the White Ribbon Trust.

 

 

 

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THE FOCUS OF WHITE RIBBON’S CAMPAIGN

July 13, 2015 by

workshop

White Ribbon Workshop

In this year’s campaign, White Ribbon is focusing on ‘Respectful Relationships.’

Respectful relationships’ is a simple description of the positive behaviour we want to be normal for everyone, instead of men’s violence against women being too often an everyday occurrence.

It involves using communication skills to safely share feelings and concerns, as well as treating partners as equals and ensure that consent is the basis of all relationships.

These building blocks have been proven to prevent violence and create happier, healthier lives for everyone

Within the campaign White Ribbon is also targeting the risks of sexual violence by promoting ’consent’. ‘Consent’ means there’s agreement by all participants in any sexual activity. If someone disagrees to the activity but the other person continues, it is sexual violence. By promoting consent, White Ribbon is working to prevent men’s sexual violence toward women. Mutual agreement (consent) is a significant aspect of a respectful relationship.

White Ribbon Ambassador Mark Longley talks about the campaign

White Ribbon Ambassador Mark Longley talks about the campaign

A key part of ‘respectful relationships’ is men treating women as equals by genuinely sharing decision-making, listening to her experience and deferring to her expertise. This provides significant protection against violence. This year’s campaign will be flexible so that different communities (and Ambassadors) will be able to explain both ‘respectful relationships’ and ‘consent’ in ways that work for their audiences.

White Ribbon will continue using its key strategy of men role-modelling good behaviour and challenging other men who use violence. That means you’ll be hearing from our White Ribbon Ambassadors, our White Ribbon Riders and anti-violence advocates from all around New Zealand.

This year we will also talk about men acting consistently both in private and public. This means that men will be as respectful towards their partners in private, as they are in public. It will also show that he values women publically as much as he does privately. This fits in with White Ribbon’s focus on changing men’s ‘social norms’ – ways that men think they need to behave around other men.

social norms

Social Norms

‘Social norms’ are how male attitudes and behaviours are shaped by male peers. They are a powerful influence, especially in regard to our notions about male power and how we behave towards women, including using violence. Changing male social norms is a common and proven strategy to preventing male violence.

Most New Zealand men already have respectful relationships with women and do not use violence. In this case, White Ribbon is about strengthening this behaviour and promoting it as the social norm for all men.

This campaign will also include a theme of promoting flexible behaviour. A man holding rigid views on what it means to be a man, or how a woman should behave, is at risk of being violent toward women, especially if he feels his views are threatened. Encouraging men to behave more flexibly, and not limiting them to only doing ‘manly’ things, will help prevent violence.

Respectful-Relationships2-WEB-250

A relationship I’d like to be part of is… one of mutual respect & consent

Promoting ‘Respectful Relationships’ is a positive approach, which is more effective at getting men to support White Ribbon’s work.This involves: showing positive examples of equitable, respectful behaviour; strengthening current non-violent actions, attitudes and values; and providing a safe environment and framing discussion in terms of men’s responsibility. Internationally, the use of positive and affirmative messages has been proven to be a key feature of successful interventions with men.

White Ribbon is currently developing messages for this year’s campaign. These need to:

  • identify the action we want men to take by specifying desirable behaviour and explaining its benefits.
  • attract men’s attention with positive messages that appeal to men’s sense of responsibility and their positive intentions (such as wanting a better life for their children).
  • motivate men to adopt, or continue to use, respectful behaviour. Men are usually motivated to take action by hearing how women and children are hurt by violence, and/or seeing how violence compromises their religious, ethical or cultural values.
  • be tailored to different male audiences and reflect their diverse identities. For a man to notice White Ribbon messages he will need to see they’re for “people like me”, reflect “my life” and be delivered by messengers who are “from my world”.
Workshopping in progress

Work-shopping in progress

White Ribbon has already held two public workshops with experts, social services, interested organisations and government departments to develop this year’s campaign. At each workshop a presentation was made on Connecting with men – Ideas for White Ribbon 2015. This is available as a PDF (from www.graymatterresearch.net/supporting-white-ribbon-prevent-violence). This presentation is based on and includes the link to a research paper on effectively involving men in preventing violence.

We have also held a number of smaller workshops as we refine the campaign and begin to work with an agency before launching in November. If you have any ideas or wish to participate, please get in touch with us at contact@whiteribbon.org.nz

 

 

 

 

 

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Bolton Hotel Charity Banquet

April 24, 2015 by

Charity-Dinner-landscape-po

Bolton Hotel Charity Banquet
supporting White Ribbon and Women’s Refuge

Monday 06 July 2015

In July 2015 the Bolton Hotel will be hosting their inaugural charity banquet. Their chosen charities for this year are Women’s Refuge and White Ribbon.
This degustation dinner with wine match features five local up and coming chefs from prestigious restaurants in the capital. The evening will also include live music, auction and other entertainment in a beautiful Wellington setting; St Andrew’s on the Terrace. This historic church will be transformed into a fine dining restaurant for 180 guests, a very unique opportunity not to be missed.

The event will not be possible without the generosity of sponsors donating time, effort, produce, equipment, auction items, marketing and entertainment. We are proud to have the following businesses already supporting the event:

St Andrew’s on the Terrace
ARTISAN restaurant
Hummingbird
Muse on Allen
Ortega Fish Shack
Thief
HireMaster
Silver Fern Farms
Weltec
Meadow Mushrooms
Global Wines
Pete Roe
Wellington Chocolate Company


Womens’ Refuge
Your support for Women’s Refuge at this event will help the 216 women and children who find sanctuary in a refuge safe house every night in New Zealand. Women’s Refuge is the largest agency providing domestic violence services in New Zealand. A significant amount of our work is achieved with women in the process of leaving unsafe relationships as well as those who have left. We reach 20,000 women and children annually and answer a crisis call every seven minutes. With your support, our refuges will be able to spend more time, more resources and more programmes to help the women and children we work with, lead safer lives.

White Ribbon
The White Ribbon Campaign offers men the opportunity to be part of the solution to ending violence towards women. Violence is endemic within New Zealand with one in three women experiencing violence from a partner in their lifetime, while on average, 14 women are killed each year by a member of their own family. This global campaign is led by men who have taken a pledge to take action against violence. Thank you to the Bolton Hotel for asking us to be part of this event and contributing to the efforts to eliminate domestic violence in New Zealand.

If you want to be part of or contribute to this fantastic event please contact Amy Brown at the Bolton Hotel. All supporters will be acknowledged during build up to the event via social media and marketing material and on the night in the event program and slideshow presentation.

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White Ribbon in Palmerston North

April 15, 2015 by

IMG_0797 croppedContracted by the Manawatu Abuse Intervention Network (MAIN), Blacksheepdesign’s George Street Dash on 22 November 2014 was the region’s twist on the international ‘Walk a Mile in Her Shoes’ campaign.

Raising awareness of White Ribbon and getting local men taking the pledge to “promise to never commit, condone or remain silent about violence towards women” saw almost twenty high profile Manawatu men dashing in high heels.

Turboman

Turboman

Timed to coincide with the launch of the North Island leg of the White Ribbon Ride, community leaders, Turboman, radio DJs, actors, CEOs, Palmerston North mayoral candidates, local MPs joined, Ribbon Riders and other participants were also greeted by early morning risers and media.

The audience heard from Palmerston North MP Iain Lees-Galloway and White Ribbon Rider Aaron Morrison; both reminding us that we all have a part to play in making a difference for the women in our ‘patch’.

Preparing for the event proved challenging for many, heels don’t always come in larger sizes. While the George Street dash itself adding further hurdles including donning extra accessories such as handbags, as well as meeting a wall of police, because after all – you can’t really understand another person’s experience until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.

Closing George Street for two hours involved obtaining signatures from over fifty retailers and seeking Council permission to close the road. Nearby retailers were encouraged to offer on the day discounts to those who purchased a white ribbon on the day.

Sponsorship support from More FM and the Manawatu Standard assisted in promoting the event through radio campaigns and newspaper advertising. Special thanks also to MidCentral Health who helped fund the radio campaign and Detective Sergeant and Family Violence Co-ordinator, Phil Skoglund for his support and staff on the day. A highlight for Blacksheepdesign’s event coordinator, Chrissie Morrison, was working with Aaron Morrison and the White Ribbon Riders. “These men bring such mana to one of the most rewarding campaigns I have ever worked on.”

by Chrissie Morrison
Blacksheepdesign

Blacksheepdesign

6747-White-Ribbon-Flyer-V1-

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No Shades of Grey

March 17, 2015 by

No Shades of Grey_Layer 1

NO SHADES OF GREY

White Ribbon spoke to Vicious de Milo, a non-skating official (NSO) who is excited that the local Roller Derby league is supporting White Ribbon as their charity of choice, but first we’d better explain the name. All the girls in the game have a nickname (5 Foot Fury, Scarlet Venom, Sonic Screwdriverher (for the Dr Who Fans), Serious Crash Unit and Evil K.Neevil.

The vicious part is in no way a reflection of her temperate. In fact it evolved because of the strength of her vocal cords. Vicious helps out with kappa haka groups, and it’s been said her voice is quite (extremely) loud – that’s how the description “vicious” came about.

Vicious helps to organise parts of the ‘bout’, taking responsibility for what is termed the penalty box and the penalty scoring. It’s a complicated game for the uninitiated, but it sounds like tremendous fun and I’m assured that once you watch the game, it all clicks. And to be honest, it sounds exciting at the other end of the phone and explains why the game is growing at such a tremendous pace all around the world.

Vicious sounds energised when she talks about the game. That’s a far cry from an earlier time in her life when she was subjected to family violence and had to endure ongoing physical and psychological abuse. As Vicious explains, it was the emotional abuse that she remembers as the worst.

“Being told that I wasn’t a good mum, that my family thought I was useless, that I was never going to have any friends… by then I believed every single thing the abuser said”. In her own words she was so downtrodden “…that I shut down. The only person I would talk to were my daughters and unfortunately, him.”

“It knocked my confidence a lot. Before that I was extremely outgoing but after that, I withdrew from society quite a bit. The only time you’d see me outside of the house was for shopping and when I took my kids to school. I didn’t leave the house for pretty much two or three years.”

“I didn’t trust anyone outside my family and it took a lot to start trusting people again, especially males.” In fact it was four years of trying to deal with the after effects of the violence alone, before Vicious was able to ask for help.

There was one male she had to communicate with, because he was her daughter’s teacher. “He ended up being a really good person to talk to. I went and got some counselling, and then I started dealing with people outside of the house and slowly the confidence came back.”

Squirrel (White) and Champain (Black)

Squirrel (White) and Champain (Black) competing in the derby

The league has also helped. “Being around lots of really strong women and being able to talk to them about what actually happened to me, it’s made me feel a lot stronger. They’ve never said a nasty thing and they’ve always got a big smile and hello for you and want to know how you’re doing. It’s like a slightly big dysfunctional family. They make me feel a lot stronger than I was.”

“Many of them are professionals and you wouldn’t think they would do something like Roller Derby, but you can’t always judge a book by its cover. They made me feel a lot stronger and more confident and ready to take on the world.”

“It was a group decision to make White Ribbon the charity for the game, and an easy one once the No Shades of Grey title had been agreed upon. While not having seen the movie and with no plans to see or read it, this was an opportunity to support something really worthwhile.”

“There aren’t a lot of things that draw attention to this massive problem we have in New Zealand. So the more information White Ribbon gets out there, the more people you can help, the better.”

So if you want to support a good cause and have a night of fun-filled entertainment, come along to the Roller Derby. The game will feature two equally skilled teams that will be picked on the night, right before the first whistle. The teams will be put into either the BLACK or WHITE team. This means anything could happen as the teams won’t have time to talk strategy or have bench line-ups before the game. With big hits and daring jumps, what these girls can achieve on eight wheels must be seen to be believed. The doors open at 6pm and the derby action starts at 7pm. Teams will be dressed in Black or White – so wear your fan colours accordingly! Come along and find out more about the amazing sport of derby and support the campaign to end violence against women.

TICKET DETAILS:
Door sales only, available on the night from 6pm
Adults – $15
Children – $5 (aged 5-12)
Family pass – $35 (2 adults and up to 3 kids)
Preschoolers – free!
Cash bar and food vendors onsite. Please, no stilettos allowed on the floor at
Cowles Stadium. ROAR

Iona Shotgun (White) jammer - Sarah Gingrich_Background

Iona Shotgun (White) jammer – Sarah Gingrich

About Roller Derby:
Roller Derby is a fast-evolving, world-wide phenomenon. In 2014, Texas hosted the second- ever Roller Derby World Cup. New Zealand was well-represented with women from all over the country making their way to Texas to compete. Dead End Derby’s own Evil K.Neevil and Serious Crash Unit both represented New Zealand. Unit will be skating in this bout. The game is played on an oval track, with five skaters from each team on at a time. The seven referees make sure that the skaters stay safe and legal. The point scorer from each team is distinguished by a star on their helmet and this skater, known as the jammer, must make their way through the other skaters to score. The four other skaters are blockers and their job is to stop the opposition jammer from getting through while helping out their own jammer. Points are scored when the jammer passes the opposition blockers’ hips.

More information can be found at Dead End Derby’s Facebook page:
www.facebook.com/deadendderby
Official Website: www.deadendderby.com Photos by Victor Paul.

Photos courtesy of Victor Paul.

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White Ribbon in Christchurch

February 25, 2015 by

Andy Moscrop-Giblin

Andy Moscrop-Giblin

White Ribbon asked one of our White Ribbon Ambassadors to talk about his experience of helping to organise White Ribbon Activities in Christchurch. Here’s Andy’s take on how they tackled the campaign.

“The success of White Ribbon in Christchurch would be put down to planning. We are having our debriefing meeting at the end of December to look at what went well and where we could improve. Each member of the planning group comes with a particular are of

White Ribbon March

White Ribbon March

expertise and from a different area. This year we were fortunate to have “key staff” from the local Christchurch City Council, Area health board, Police, Correction, as well as linkages with our local Family Violence Collaboration partners and NGO agencies. Having a local White Ribbon Ambassador and an NGO manager who was also a White Ribbon Rider was also helpful. We met Monthly for most of the year and weekly for the last 6 weeks or so.

In 2013 we had our first march which attracted about 450-600 people and the White Ribbon organisation group wanted to raise even more awareness by growing the numbers of those who are marching. We decided to have a combined communications team including comms people from NZ Police, our Canterbury Family violence Collaboration and Child, Youth and Family. Our communications experts decided to have their own meeting to ensure that they could combine messages and work together.

This year we succeeded in getting between 1,000 -1,1500 people to attend our march.  Next year we re looking to grow and improve the experience for our participants and to continue to  strive to deliver a positive message of challenge, hope and support to those who are gathered to end violence towards women, to take the Pledge and to take action between now and next November 25th.

Feel free to contact me”

Andy Moscrop-Giblin
White Ribbon Ambassador

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Please note this is only a snapshot of the Christchurch region as there were many other events that took place.

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Family Violence requires a collaborative approach

February 20, 2015 by

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White Ribbon Chair Judge Peter Boshier

Press Release

20 February 2015

 

Family Violence requires a collaborative approach

White Ribbon Chair, Judge Peter Boshier, has applauded the decision of the New Zealand Police to engage further with experts.

“Working collaboratively is at the heart of how White Ribbon operates,” says Judge Boshier. “By tapping into experts who sit outside your organisation, you can significantly enhance your knowledge and understanding of an issue, and as an added bonus receive free and frank advice.

“Our own experience is that we have a committee made up of experts and agencies who volunteer their time to provide advice to the White Ribbon Campaign. That keeps us focused and in touch with the issues of communities.

“White Ribbon believes New Zealand needs considerable attitudinal change, and that must take place with our men.

“It is a sad but undeniable truth that the most serious and damaging violence is perpetrated by men against women, and that all men must take responsibility for changing this.

“The days of saying ‘it’s not my problem’ are over. As men, we must take responsibility for changing the attitudes and behaviour of other men. There is no other choice if we are ever to significantly reduce the appalling family violence statistics in this country.

“We can be justifiably proud of how well New Zealand achieves in any numbers of arenas, but there can be no room for pride when the police indicate that there were 94,300 family violence incidents reported last year. The statistics are horrific and we must do more.

“It is a sad indictment that family violence may well be the single greatest social issue we have to address in this country,” said Judge Boshier.

Associated media: Radio NZ report

KEY STATISTICS
  • One in three women will experience partner violence at some point in their lives
  • Less than 20 per cent of abuse cases are reported
  • Over 3,500 convictions are recorded against men each year for assaults on women
  • On average, 14 women a year are killed by their partners or ex-partners
  • Police attend a family violence incident every 5 ½ minutes
  • Family violence accounts for half of all reported serious crime
  • In 2013 Police recorded 95,101 family violence investigations (provisionally 94,300 in 2014)
KEY MESSAGES
  • Violence towards women is unacceptable
  • Violence is not just physical
  • Men are part of the solution
  • You can help fix this problem by taking The Pledge
  • 2015 will see White Ribbon launch a new November campaign
For all media enquiries contact:
Rob McCann
White Ribbon Campaign Manager
04 297 2757 | Mobile 021 212 2953
rob@whiteribbon.org.nz

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Fifty Shades – does it glamourise violence?

February 12, 2015 by

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Fifty Shades of Grey

There’s a great deal being written and said about 50 Shades of Grey. Sir Salman Rushdie has admitted that it’s one of his least favourite books saying “I’ve never read anything so badly written that got published. It made Twilight look like War and Peace.” While many reviews of the movie are explicit in their negativity “highly unsatisfying” and “plodding, inane and wretchedly acted movie… lacks grey matter as well as heat.”

But despite the bad reviews this movie trailer has already racked up over 52 million views while the books sold over 100 million copies.

What concerns many people who advocate for non-violence is how Fifty Shades misrepresents BDSM (bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism) and casually associates hot sex with violence, but without any of the context.

And context is important. For a better understanding of this issue read Consent Isn’t Enough: The Troubling Sex of Fifty Shades by Emma Green.

This film glamourises sexual violence and leaves the impression that women want to be controlled and that’s concerning. In a country where one in three women experience partner violence at some point in their lives, Fifty Shades has the potential to further influence young men and warp their ideas of a healthy relationship. It could also distort what women understand as normal or acceptable behaviour.

Beth Penny a facebook user has hit the nail on the head with this so called romantic story.

“… I was 18 when I first read 50 shades of grey. Whilst reading it, I felt so uncomfortable and it had nothing to do with the sex or ‘kinky’ stuff that was happening. After re-reading I realised it was because what was really written on those pages was an abusive relationship being sold to me as a love story. Not only me, but millions of people were reading this book and worryingly, falling in love with the man that is Christian Grey wishing they had their very own version of him. But we need to ask the question- would you be happy with a partner who micro managed your life, dictated what you ate, required you to exercise a certain amount of days a week and cut you off from your friends and family? Add some good looks, a six pack and a billionaire status and you have Christian Grey.

If your friend told you that a man she’d never given her address to turns up at her house, someone she’d asked to stop when having sex and he carried on, bought the business they started working for so they can have that much extra power over them, you’d tell them to run. But people around the world think this relationship is one to be desired and I have no idea why.

I’ve been accused of being too young to understand this relationship, being too embarrassed by BDSM and not experiencing a ‘grown up’ relationship. After doubting myself I decided to research BDSM (unlike the author) and found myself in a world that is based on trust and respect. It is a role play. It is NOT how you live everyday life like the author has portrayed. One of the biggest things of sub/dom relationships is aftercare. After the acts, you have a period where you make sure your partner is okay. This doesn’t happen in the books, and it’s misrepresenting BDSM because the author was too lazy to do research.

This valentines weekend, the film is coming out. All I ask is please don’t give this franchise your money. If you’re willing to part with it, donate the money you’d spend on a cinema ticket, to a charity that helps people who have suffered from domestic abuse. Having this film come out on valentines weekend is farcical, and a massive 2 fingers up to every survivor of abuse.

So E.L James, on behalf of all the victims and survivors out there of domestic abuse and all of the people who suffered child abuse and grew up to be great people and didn’t use it as an excuse to abuse others, fuck you…”
Beth Penny

In New Zealand you can see the film/read the book and or, you could donate to these agencies:

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SUNDAY – advance screening in Christchurch, Wellington and world premiere in Auckland

December 1, 2014 by

Sunday the FilmHelp Sunday support White Ribbon.
$1 from every ticket sold to the following screenings will be donated to White Ribbon & the Canterbury Family Violence Collaboration.
Plus – if you use the promo code WHITERIBBONNZ  you’ll get a 15% discount (excluding Wellington).

  • Tickets to the Advanced Screening Christchurch – Saturday December 6
  • Tickets to the World Premiere  Auckland Sunday December 7
  • Tickets to the Wellington Screening with Q&A at Penthouse Cinema December 7th

Dustin Clare is familiar to many from his roles in television shows like Satisfaction, McLeod’s Daughters, Underbelly and Spartacus. Based in Australia, he and his real life partner, actress Camille Keenan ended up starring in SUNDAY when they were 7 months pregnant with their first child. Dustin took time out of filming his latest project in Turkey to answer some questions about his involvement with White Ribbon for us ahead of his New Zealand visit

Dustin Clare & Camille Keenan are proud to support White Ribbon in their mission to end violence against women.

Dustin Clare & Camille Keenan are proud to support White Ribbon in their mission to end violence against women.

Hi Dustin, You first got involved with White Ribbon in Australia where you’re based. How did that come about?

It was a cause that I saw benefited the community and bettered society in general. So I approached White Ribbon about how I could become involved as an ambassador for the campaign.

What have you learned through your experience working with White Ribbon?

That what they do takes courage. But most of all the grass roots communities that get involved are really the most important part of this campaign. The families, the sporting groups, cultural organisations, community groups, public servants all the wonderful support that gets thrown behind White Ribbon comes from a real passion within communities. And this is where it all starts, at home and in our communities. That’s where we start.

In your opinion, what’s one of the biggest problems young men face in today’s society?

I think the internet has done many great things for communication, but it has also given us access to some things that are not great for developing brains. I think the sexualisation in the media and the overwhelming portrayal of degrading women in pornography has serious implications for society, and far greater hurdles for our acceptance of women being viewed as more than sexual objects in society. It’s important for young men to have access to good information surrounding these issues but more importantly good role models. We want to move forward with equality, not backwards. We need to promote sex in a positive way, not a degrading or violent way. We must talk openly about these issues if we are to combat any future problems that may arise from the advent of technology and the ability for developing minds to be influenced by the negative or harmful use of it. Education is the key. And supporting young men through this is imperative, these men will shape one half of our future.

What’s one of the best things you’ve seen through your work with White Ribbon?

A brave ambassador in Australia, who now does a lot of speaking at various events. He was someone who was a perpetrator of violence of women in the home and community, and he changed, he made actual positive steps to change his behaviour, to understand it, and to grow passed it. And now he is brave enough to stand on stage in front of hundreds of people at a time and speak about it. To talk about his process and how he took steps to change his patterns forever. That takes great courage, to speak about your journey through domestic violence like that. I admire him.

Your new film SUNDAY is helping raise money for White Ribbon ChCh. It’s about a guy who’s going to be a Dad for the first time but isn’t sure if he’s going to be a good Dad or a good partner. You star in it, you wrote it and you produced it. How did it happen?

Sunday

Sunday

SUNDAY has been a heavy collaboration from start to finish between two couples – myself and Camille, and Director Michelle Joy Lloyd and her husband Cinematographer Ryan Alexander Lloyd. I came up with the idea on a sleepless night, wrote it down and sent it out to the team, and we decided to continue with writing and producing the film together. I’m very proud of the film we made, and the themes we are addressing in it. It’s a “late coming of age” story, but it is one familiar for all couples and all relationships, especially those who are about to have or have had children. The film really mirrors the reality of society today, the choice and opportunities that we are offered and how they impact on our relationships and the in-ability to commit to important life choices.

So you’re a Dad now – was it scary? How did you deal with the stress and nerves before? And the sleepless nights after?

Being a dad is the single greatest thing you can do in this world. It gives you perspective, gives you grounding, and gives you a purpose other than yourself. It makes you less selfish, increases your capacity to love. It is a huge gift that comes with great responsibility.

Who do you talk to when things are tough?

My partner Camille first and foremost. Family members, friends. But I think your real support has to be within your home, and you being able to communicate frustrations or anxieties with your partner and find a way to work through them. Sometime things get tough or beyond you or communication breaks down, that’s really when you have to take a break, step away from the situation, gain some perspective on it, then come back to it again with fresh eyes. At the end of it, you still have each other, no matter how tough or momentous the stakes are, if you can try and find strength in that, you will overcome.

Behind the camera - Cinematographer Ryan Alexander Lloyd

Behind the camera – Cinematographer Ryan Alexander Lloyd

Why did you choose to film in ChCh?

We thought that CHCH had been through so much hardship and we really honestly wanted to find a way to give something back to the people and the city. Michelle and Camille had family in CHCH who had gone through the quakes, and are still going through the aftermath. We also see a real theme of hope in CHCH, of creativity and inspiration that has sprung up out of the destruction, and we wanted to make sure that was a big part of the film, to show the hope, the rebuilding, we saw that as much more important that making a comment on the destruction.

The filmmakers behind SUNDAY have decided to raise money for a couple of ChCh charities; how did you decide that White Ribbon ChCh & the Canty Family Violence Collaboration who they work would be one of the two organisations to benefit from SUNDAY?

Christchurch has been through so much, and now the real sense of displacement and fatigue of that city for many…it made sense for us to work with these organisations to help give something back to a city and its people who had been through so much together. Not just thematically, but we also wanted to contribute financially.

Many of the triggers of family violence have been magnified due to stress placed on the city and its inhabitants following the earthquakes 4 years ago. Instead of pressure easing, it’s getting worse as people are feeling worn down, worn out and frustrated. Now more than ever Christchurch needs organisations like the White Ribbon Trust.

As I was already an ambassador for White Ribbon in Australia, and had seen first-hand all the positive work White Ribbon do in the community it was a natural fit to become involved with the organisation in New Zealand and all of the filmmaking team have rallied behind the cause to give back.

 

 

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