Kelvin Davis joins White Ribbon and urges us to #Speakout

Kelvin Davis is asking us to #speakout against sexual violence

Kelvin Davis is asking us to #speakout against sexual violence

Kelvin Davis has been busy. Recently he helped to organise a march from West Auckland to Cape Reinga that began on Friday 29 May to raise awareness of sexual violence. The Massive: Men Against Sexual Violence walk is the first of its kind to be held in the country organised by men, and took 17 days and covered more than 400 kilometres beginning in West Auckland and ending at Cape Reinga.

We are also proud to announce that Kelvin has also become a White Ribbon Ambassador.

“One of my priorities coming in to Parliament was to stand up and say enough is enough over sexual violence,” says Kelvin Davis.

“It is with real pride that I have been asked to become a White Ribbon Ambassador and it is a responsibility I take seriously. I believe those of us who are committed to being loving and respectful men need to speak out loudly and clearly that we will not tolerate violence in any form, be it verbal, physical, emotional or sexual. The vast majority of men are good men;  we just need to make it known to our sons, brothers, fathers, uncles, cousins, nephews and mates who are violent, that their behaviour needs to change. Violent behaviour is a choice. With our collective determination we can turn the tide of violence against women, children – and other men, even if we have to do it one man at a time.

The #SpeakOut Men Against Sexual Violence (MASSIVE) Hikoi was a success. Our goal was to raise awareness about sexual violence and to encourage people to #SpeakOut. This was achieved through excellent media coverage, rallies in towns, visits to schools, visibility while on the road, support of Members of Parliament from across all political parties, calls to our 0800 MASSIVE helpline and regular social media updates.

We encouraged people to #SpeakOut if they were survivors, bystanders or are perpetrators. Survivors need to tell someone for support, bystanders need to intervene, and perpetrators need to get help before they commit harmful sexual behaviour. At its most basic level harmful sexual behaviour is a choice that perpetrators make and often the behaviour can be changed if addressed.

We are grateful to White Ribbon, Green Ribbon, The Redeemed Riders and numerous other supporters including Labour Leader Andrew Little, for their tautoko of us on the final day as we marched up to Cape Reinga.

The Hikoi has ended but the journey to end sexual violence continues. Although sexual violence is perpetrated by females and males against females and males, men make up the majority of offenders. The crucial voices missing from conversations about sexual violence are the voices of men. If we are part of the problem we need to be part of the solution. We are looking to other ways now to spread the #SpeakOut MASSIVE message across the country and to keep the issue in the public eye.

Kelvin Davis MP

All political parties have got behind the event and a help-line (0800 MASSIVE) is now available for anyone wanting to disclose issues around sexual violence.

All political parties have got behind the event and a help-line (0800 MASSIVE) is now available for anyone wanting to disclose issues around sexual violence.

MASSIVE

A quick look back

  • Visit the Massive Facebook page here
  • Take a photo and post using the tag #speakout
  • Donate to Massive here
  • Watch Kelvin talk on Marae about the Hikoi here
Visit the Massive Facebook Page

Visit the Massive Facebook Page

Hutia te rito o te korari
Kei hea te komako e ko?
If you destroy the centre shoot of the flax
Where will the bellbird sing?
It has been said that sexual violence destroy whakapapa. A story was relayed to us about a young girl who accused her father of sexual violence against her. The girl’s grandfather banned the girl from their marae and she now lives in Australia and has little to do with her family. Sexual violence has destroyed that family, she has lost the connection with her whanau, her whakapapa.
A whanau is like a flax bush. The young shoots (rito) are in the centre protected on the outside by awhi rito (parents) and tupuna leaves. If the centre shoot is destroyed, the native komako (bellbird) has nowhere from where to sing. The komako’s magnificence will not be realised for the world to hear.
Sexual violence likewise makes it extremely difficult for those affected to realise their full magnificence and to be recognised in their world.
Hence the symbolism of the komako and flax bush as a tohu (emblem) for Men Against Sexual Violence. #SpeakOut

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Supporting White Ribbon – St Hildas Collegiate – Dunedin

Josie Kyle and Madison Hughes are helping to raise awareness and funds for White Ribbon

Josie Kyle and Madison Hughes are helping to raise awareness and funds for White Ribbon

“Violence to women is a tragedy that runs deep within New Zealand society” say Josie Kyle and Madison Hughes of St Hilda’s Collegiate. “It’s also something that isn’t talked about often, even though it drastically affects people’s lives. We attend an all-girls school and find this issue relevant to our school and its special character. Violence to women is also very topical and we want to help the New Zealand community and do our part to raise awareness in New Zealand.”

We asked what prompted Josie and Madison to support White Ribbon?

“Initially we both sat down with our Chaplain and explained our wish to help a cause. We found White Ribbon to be a valuable charity in New Zealand. It supports a cause that should not be an issue in New Zealand and yet unfortunately is. We hope to raise awareness for this cause and bring the issue to light in our community.

As it seems to be a topic that people avoid as a conversation topic, we want to make people think about it and not avoid it. We’re going to be selling the white ribbons to our school and community with the support of the Z-Club that we are also in, and we have planned a mufti day in the third term with all proceeds going towards the charity. By doing these things we hope that women will realise that there is a support network for them, and hopefully they will feel encouraged to get help if they find themselves in an abusive relationship.

“We have had the full support of our Chaplain, Z-Club and Senior Leadership at St Hilda’s Collegiate. We are hoping that in future years we will make this an annual event that is passed down with two year twelves and two year thirteens organising the event. Ideally this will create a connection between our school and White Ribbon and each year we hope it will grow.”

On behalf of White Ribbon, we’d like to thank Josie, Madison and St Hilda’s Collegiate. We are supplying them with free ribbons which they are then selling to raise awareness and funds for the White Ribbon Trust.

 

 

 

Karen’s Story

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It all started in 2010. My Mum had just gotten together with her boyfriend, Richard. We would go and visit them every chance we got. It was a two-hour drive, but we managed. I also have a brother and sister, Sam and Jacob. He has a daughter named Hannah. When we went round we would go fishing and shearing, we thought he was awesome. After a year, we all moved out to a country house only a half an hour drive away. We loved it there. I remember us going down to the creek and paddling in the water. Sometimes I would wake up at 5:00 am, look out the window and see a sheep staring at me.

My sister slept at the end of the hallway and she could see down the hall. I remember she told me once that she heard them having a bad argument and he was about to do something but saw Sam so he stopped. But since I trusted him so much I said that she was lying. One night I woke up to them nearly screaming at each other and then mum ran into my room that I shared with my brothers room and hugged him and just cried. The next morning was the weekend, we left at about 8:00 in the morning, aunty came to pick us up. Mum decided it was best for us to shift into our own house. Mum told us that Richard cheated on her with a few other ladies.

A while passed without anything bad happening, mum decided to give him another chance. But we weren’t allowed to see him and that meant seeing mum way less, or she would be on her phone texting him when we were there. I remember dad was looking after us for 1 night and I started crying because of how much I missed her. We once stayed with my dad for a whole week because of it.

One time my mum got $1,000 and she went to Richard’s with it. We woke up at about 7:00 am the next morning and started watching some TV in our room. My dad was still in bed when we heard a knock. Dad went to answer it and it was my mum. We heard her crying and crying. My dad took her in the lounge and talked to her. Hannah, my step sister, was picked up by her mum at around about 8:00 am and that’s when dad came up and told us what really happened. Her money had gone missing and Richard had blamed it on his new workmate. They went over to his house, but no luck. They went back to the house and after a little while she found her wallet hidden away. She realised that Richard had taken it and confronted him, after that she ran to the bedroom and cried. He apparently came up to the bedroom and started beating her. They said if he didn’t stop he probably would have killed her.

After a bit we were allowed to see her we walked out and she had black eyes, bruises and cuts. We both went over and hugged her, my grandad was there and so was my nana. They said that the police were coming to mum about what happened after a little bit he started to text her nonstop and try to contact her so she went to the police, They gave him a warning but he wouldn’t stop. After a little bit, the police ended up arresting him and he went to jail for half a year and he isn’t allowed 100 meters close to any of us. I think we are all a little bit nervous when mum gets a new boyfriend, but we haven’t heard from him in a couple years.

(all names have been changed)

Letter from Dr Russell Wills, Children’s Commissioner and White Ribbon Ambassador

Dr Russell Wills.   Photo by KEVIN STENT/Fairfax NZ

Dr Russell Wills. Photo by KEVIN STENT/Fairfax NZ

To those it concerns,

Do your children see you get angry and shout? Have they watched you lash out at their mum? Do they cower in the corner when you enter a room? Are they frightened of you?

It doesn’t have to be like this for your children. It shouldn’t be like this.

When you are violent it always affects your kids. It changes their development and it changes how well they’ll do in life. When they grow up they are more likely to be violent themselves, or be victims of violence. They are more likely to have major mental health problems, drug and alcohol problems and physical problems.

As a pediatrician – I’ve seen your kids in my clinic. Kids like the four-year-old girl with a developmental age of two. And like the little boy who wasn’t learning at school; not because of ADHD (like everyone thought) but because he was terrified that when he got home mum would be hurt or dead.

Your kids still love you but they want you to change. I think you love your kids too. I think you want your kids’ lives to be better than yours. I’ve seen dads turn their lives around because they love their kids and they love their kids’ mum. You can too.

It’s not too late. I’m asking you to step up and get help right now. I know this is not easy but take a positive step for the sake of your kids.

You could start by taking the White Ribbon pledge to promise to never commit, condone or remain silent about violence towards women. You could talk to someone you trust about your behaviour and ask for help. You could call the Family Violence Information Line on 0800 456 450.

Be the kind of dad your kids would love you to be. They want you to walk into a room and give them a cuddle, or play with them or talk about their day. They want to be happy to see you.

Most men in New Zealand are not violent. Become one of them.

Yours Sincerely
Dr Russell Wills

Other reading:

  • The United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has released a global technical package to prevent violence against children, THRIVES. Read the article from the New Zealand Family Violence Clearinghouse here
  • In Aotearoa New Zealand, SKIP (Strategies with Kids│Information for Parents) provides a range of parenting resources, as well as funding, training, networking, hosting and support with evaluation. Resources are available for parents as well people working with parents and communities to provide support. “Whakatipu” kaupapa Māori resources reinforce how tamariki and parents can learn together through play at every age and stage. SKIP booklets are also available in 18 languages other than English.

THE FOCUS OF WHITE RIBBON’S CAMPAIGN

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White Ribbon Workshop

In this year’s campaign, White Ribbon is focusing on ‘Respectful Relationships.’

Respectful relationships’ is a simple description of the positive behaviour we want to be normal for everyone, instead of men’s violence against women being too often an everyday occurrence.

It involves using communication skills to safely share feelings and concerns, as well as treating partners as equals and ensure that consent is the basis of all relationships.

These building blocks have been proven to prevent violence and create happier, healthier lives for everyone

Within the campaign White Ribbon is also targeting the risks of sexual violence by promoting ’consent’. ‘Consent’ means there’s agreement by all participants in any sexual activity. If someone disagrees to the activity but the other person continues, it is sexual violence. By promoting consent, White Ribbon is working to prevent men’s sexual violence toward women. Mutual agreement (consent) is a significant aspect of a respectful relationship.

White Ribbon Ambassador Mark Longley talks about the campaign

White Ribbon Ambassador Mark Longley talks about the campaign

A key part of ‘respectful relationships’ is men treating women as equals by genuinely sharing decision-making, listening to her experience and deferring to her expertise. This provides significant protection against violence. This year’s campaign will be flexible so that different communities (and Ambassadors) will be able to explain both ‘respectful relationships’ and ‘consent’ in ways that work for their audiences.

White Ribbon will continue using its key strategy of men role-modelling good behaviour and challenging other men who use violence. That means you’ll be hearing from our White Ribbon Ambassadors, our White Ribbon Riders and anti-violence advocates from all around New Zealand.

This year we will also talk about men acting consistently both in private and public. This means that men will be as respectful towards their partners in private, as they are in public. It will also show that he values women publically as much as he does privately. This fits in with White Ribbon’s focus on changing men’s ‘social norms’ – ways that men think they need to behave around other men.

social norms

Social Norms

‘Social norms’ are how male attitudes and behaviours are shaped by male peers. They are a powerful influence, especially in regard to our notions about male power and how we behave towards women, including using violence. Changing male social norms is a common and proven strategy to preventing male violence.

Most New Zealand men already have respectful relationships with women and do not use violence. In this case, White Ribbon is about strengthening this behaviour and promoting it as the social norm for all men.

This campaign will also include a theme of promoting flexible behaviour. A man holding rigid views on what it means to be a man, or how a woman should behave, is at risk of being violent toward women, especially if he feels his views are threatened. Encouraging men to behave more flexibly, and not limiting them to only doing ‘manly’ things, will help prevent violence.

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A relationship I’d like to be part of is… one of mutual respect & consent

Promoting ‘Respectful Relationships’ is a positive approach, which is more effective at getting men to support White Ribbon’s work.This involves: showing positive examples of equitable, respectful behaviour; strengthening current non-violent actions, attitudes and values; and providing a safe environment and framing discussion in terms of men’s responsibility. Internationally, the use of positive and affirmative messages has been proven to be a key feature of successful interventions with men.

White Ribbon is currently developing messages for this year’s campaign. These need to:

  • identify the action we want men to take by specifying desirable behaviour and explaining its benefits.
  • attract men’s attention with positive messages that appeal to men’s sense of responsibility and their positive intentions (such as wanting a better life for their children).
  • motivate men to adopt, or continue to use, respectful behaviour. Men are usually motivated to take action by hearing how women and children are hurt by violence, and/or seeing how violence compromises their religious, ethical or cultural values.
  • be tailored to different male audiences and reflect their diverse identities. For a man to notice White Ribbon messages he will need to see they’re for “people like me”, reflect “my life” and be delivered by messengers who are “from my world”.
Workshopping in progress

Work-shopping in progress

White Ribbon has already held two public workshops with experts, social services, interested organisations and government departments to develop this year’s campaign. At each workshop a presentation was made on Connecting with men – Ideas for White Ribbon 2015. This is available as a PDF (from www.graymatterresearch.net/supporting-white-ribbon-prevent-violence). This presentation is based on and includes the link to a research paper on effectively involving men in preventing violence.

We have also held a number of smaller workshops as we refine the campaign and begin to work with an agency before launching in November. If you have any ideas or wish to participate, please get in touch with us at contact@whiteribbon.org.nz

 

 

 

 

 

Consent explained with a cup of tea

Consent. It’s a powerful word that, for some bizarre reason, is still argued about to this day. It seems many people still don’t really get what “consent” means.Rockstar Dinosaur Pirate Princess created a metaphor that simplifies the concept and this was later made into a video. Have a watch or a read, and please share.

If you’re still struggling, just imagine instead of initiating sex, you’re making them a cup of tea.

You say, “Hey, would you like a cup of tea?” and they go, “OMG, f*ck yes, I would f*cking LOVE a cup of tea! Thank you!” Then you know they want a cup of tea.

If they are unconscious, don’t make them tea. Unconscious people can’t answer the question, “Do you want tea?” because they are unconscious.

If you say, “Hey, would you like a cup of tea?” and they um and ahh and say, “I’m not really sure…” then you can make them a cup of tea or not, but be aware that they might not drink it, and if they don’t drink it then — this is the important bit — don’t make them drink it. You can’t blame them for you going to the effort of making the tea on the off chance they wanted it; you just have to deal with them not drinking it. Just because you made it doesn’t mean you are entitled to watch them drink it.

If they say, “No, thank you,” then don’t make them tea. At all. Don’t make them tea, don’t make them drink tea, don’t get annoyed at them for not wanting tea. They just don’t want tea, okay?

They might say, “Yes, please, that’s kind of you,” and then when the tea arrives they actually don’t want the tea at all. Sure, that’s kind of annoying as you’ve gone to the effort of making the tea, but they remain under no obligation to drink the tea. They did want tea, now they don’t. Sometimes people change their mind in the time it takes to boil that kettle, brew the tea and add the milk. And it’s okay for people to change their mind, and you are still not entitled to watch them drink it even though you went to the trouble of making it.

If they are unconscious, don’t make them tea. Unconscious people don’t want tea and can’t answer the question, “Do you want tea?” because they are unconscious.

Okay, maybe they were conscious when you asked them if they wanted tea, and they said yes, but in the time it took you to boil that kettle, brew the tea and add the milk they are now unconscious. You should just put the tea down, make sure the unconscious person is safe, and — this is the important bit — don’t make them drink the tea.

If someone said yes to tea, started drinking it and then passed out before they’d finished it, don’t keep on pouring it down their throat.

If someone said yes to tea, started drinking it and then passed out before they’d finished it, don’t keep on pouring it down their throat. Take the tea away and make sure they are safe.  Because unconscious people don’t want tea. Trust me on this.

If someone said “yes” to tea around your house last Saturday, that doesn’t mean that they want you to make them tea all the time. They don’t want you to come around unexpectedly to their place and make them tea and force them to drink it going, “BUT YOU WANTED TEA LAST WEEK,” or to wake up to find you pouring tea down their throat going “BUT YOU WANTED TEA LAST NIGHT.”

Timberlea Event 2014

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The Timberlea Residents Association and our local Timberlea kaumatua opened our White Ribbon Family Day Event at Timberlea with a powhiri for our White Ribbon Riders, distinguished guests and the children, young people and their families in our community. We were privileged to have local White Ribbon ambassadors’ Judge Peter Boshier, Upper Hutt Mayor Wayne Guppy and Upper Hutt Multicultural Society Chairperson Pancha Narayanan present throughout our event to speak to the crowd of up to 500 participants about the White Ribbon messages and pledges against violence towards Women in our community.

Live entertainment for our White Ribbon Family Day Event was performed by our local Maori and Chinese cultural groups, dance performers and solo artists. Other activities offered at our event for the children, young people and their families included free bouncy castles, face painting, sausage sizzle, candy floss, food, cold drinks, tea, coffee and white ribbons.

Special mention also goes out to the local volunteers, Government and non-Government services and local businesses that participated and gave their resources and time resulting in a wonderful and successful White Ribbon Family Day Event at Timberlea.

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Reece Mastin – latest Australian White Ribbon Ambassador

Reece Mastin Rebel and the Reason

Click to watch Reece Mastin ‘Rebel and the Reason’

Reece Mastin (Australian Musician and 2011 winner of the X Factor in Australia) is now an Australian White Ribbon Ambassador. “I’m extremely proud to be a White Ribbon Ambassador in Australia, this is a cause I feel very strongly about. Violence against women is never acceptable and it horrifies me that one woman a week is killed by a current or former partner. I have 3 beautiful sisters and a lot of amazing women in my life and I want to help do whatever I can to raise awareness around this massive issue in the community. I want people to know that I will not be silent and I call on others, young and old, to speak out against domestic violence.” Reece says.

Reece-Mastin-Rebel-and-the-

Click to read Stuff article

Rob McCann, White Ribbon Campaign Manager New Zealand is delighted that Reece has been willing to spread the White Ribbon message while he is in New Zealand. “We hope that the action’s of Reece will inspire more  young New Zealanders to make good choices and reject violence. Violence is not normal behaviour and his new video illustrates some of the shocking effects violence has on families.” Reece Mastin came to fame when he won the 2011 series of The X Factor in Australia. His magnetic stage presence and killer vocals established him as a genuine superstar with a legion of dedicated, loyal fans, affectionately known as Lil’ Rockers. Reece has since released two Gold selling number one albums and two consecutive chart-topping singles. If you’re experiencing violence visit www.areyouok.org.nz for information, resources and services on family violence or call 0800 456 450. If you are in danger call the Police 111. For further information on Reece https://www.facebook.com/reecemastinofficial      https://twitter.com/reecemastin http://instagram.com/reecemastinofficial

Bolton Hotel Charity Banquet

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Bolton Hotel Charity Banquet
supporting White Ribbon and Women’s Refuge

Monday 06 July 2015

In July 2015 the Bolton Hotel will be hosting their inaugural charity banquet. Their chosen charities for this year are Women’s Refuge and White Ribbon.
This degustation dinner with wine match features five local up and coming chefs from prestigious restaurants in the capital. The evening will also include live music, auction and other entertainment in a beautiful Wellington setting; St Andrew’s on the Terrace. This historic church will be transformed into a fine dining restaurant for 180 guests, a very unique opportunity not to be missed.

The event will not be possible without the generosity of sponsors donating time, effort, produce, equipment, auction items, marketing and entertainment. We are proud to have the following businesses already supporting the event:

St Andrew’s on the Terrace
ARTISAN restaurant
Hummingbird
Muse on Allen
Ortega Fish Shack
Thief
HireMaster
Silver Fern Farms
Weltec
Meadow Mushrooms
Global Wines
Pete Roe
Wellington Chocolate Company


Womens’ Refuge

Your support for Women’s Refuge at this event will help the 216 women and children who find sanctuary in a refuge safe house every night in New Zealand. Women’s Refuge is the largest agency providing domestic violence services in New Zealand. A significant amount of our work is achieved with women in the process of leaving unsafe relationships as well as those who have left. We reach 20,000 women and children annually and answer a crisis call every seven minutes. With your support, our refuges will be able to spend more time, more resources and more programmes to help the women and children we work with, lead safer lives.

White Ribbon
The White Ribbon Campaign offers men the opportunity to be part of the solution to ending violence towards women. Violence is endemic within New Zealand with one in three women experiencing violence from a partner in their lifetime, while on average, 14 women are killed each year by a member of their own family. This global campaign is led by men who have taken a pledge to take action against violence. Thank you to the Bolton Hotel for asking us to be part of this event and contributing to the efforts to eliminate domestic violence in New Zealand.

If you want to be part of or contribute to this fantastic event please contact Amy Brown at the Bolton Hotel. All supporters will be acknowledged during build up to the event via social media and marketing material and on the night in the event program and slideshow presentation.

White Ribbon in Palmerston North

IMG_0797 croppedContracted by the Manawatu Abuse Intervention Network (MAIN), Blacksheepdesign’s George Street Dash on 22 November 2014 was the region’s twist on the international ‘Walk a Mile in Her Shoes’ campaign.

Raising awareness of White Ribbon and getting local men taking the pledge to “promise to never commit, condone or remain silent about violence towards women” saw almost twenty high profile Manawatu men dashing in high heels.

Turboman

Turboman

Timed to coincide with the launch of the North Island leg of the White Ribbon Ride, community leaders, Turboman, radio DJs, actors, CEOs, Palmerston North mayoral candidates, local MPs joined, Ribbon Riders and other participants were also greeted by early morning risers and media.

The audience heard from Palmerston North MP Iain Lees-Galloway and White Ribbon Rider Aaron Morrison; both reminding us that we all have a part to play in making a difference for the women in our ‘patch’.

Preparing for the event proved challenging for many, heels don’t always come in larger sizes. While the George Street dash itself adding further hurdles including donning extra accessories such as handbags, as well as meeting a wall of police, because after all – you can’t really understand another person’s experience until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.

Closing George Street for two hours involved obtaining signatures from over fifty retailers and seeking Council permission to close the road. Nearby retailers were encouraged to offer on the day discounts to those who purchased a white ribbon on the day.

Sponsorship support from More FM and the Manawatu Standard assisted in promoting the event through radio campaigns and newspaper advertising. Special thanks also to MidCentral Health who helped fund the radio campaign and Detective Sergeant and Family Violence Co-ordinator, Phil Skoglund for his support and staff on the day. A highlight for Blacksheepdesign’s event coordinator, Chrissie Morrison, was working with Aaron Morrison and the White Ribbon Riders. “These men bring such mana to one of the most rewarding campaigns I have ever worked on.”

by Chrissie Morrison
Blacksheepdesign

Blacksheepdesign

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No Shades of Grey

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NO SHADES OF GREY

White Ribbon spoke to Vicious de Milo, a non-skating official (NSO) who is excited that the local Roller Derby league is supporting White Ribbon as their charity of choice, but first we’d better explain the name. All the girls in the game have a nickname (5 Foot Fury, Scarlet Venom, Sonic Screwdriverher (for the Dr Who Fans), Serious Crash Unit and Evil K.Neevil.

The vicious part is in no way a reflection of her temperate. In fact it evolved because of the strength of her vocal cords. Vicious helps out with kappa haka groups, and it’s been said her voice is quite (extremely) loud – that’s how the description “vicious” came about.

Vicious helps to organise parts of the ‘bout’, taking responsibility for what is termed the penalty box and the penalty scoring. It’s a complicated game for the uninitiated, but it sounds like tremendous fun and I’m assured that once you watch the game, it all clicks. And to be honest, it sounds exciting at the other end of the phone and explains why the game is growing at such a tremendous pace all around the world.

Vicious sounds energised when she talks about the game. That’s a far cry from an earlier time in her life when she was subjected to family violence and had to endure ongoing physical and psychological abuse. As Vicious explains, it was the emotional abuse that she remembers as the worst.

“Being told that I wasn’t a good mum, that my family thought I was useless, that I was never going to have any friends… by then I believed every single thing the abuser said”. In her own words she was so downtrodden “…that I shut down. The only person I would talk to were my daughters and unfortunately, him.”

“It knocked my confidence a lot. Before that I was extremely outgoing but after that, I withdrew from society quite a bit. The only time you’d see me outside of the house was for shopping and when I took my kids to school. I didn’t leave the house for pretty much two or three years.”

“I didn’t trust anyone outside my family and it took a lot to start trusting people again, especially males.” In fact it was four years of trying to deal with the after effects of the violence alone, before Vicious was able to ask for help.

There was one male she had to communicate with, because he was her daughter’s teacher. “He ended up being a really good person to talk to. I went and got some counselling, and then I started dealing with people outside of the house and slowly the confidence came back.”

Squirrel (White) and Champain (Black)

Squirrel (White) and Champain (Black) competing in the derby

The league has also helped. “Being around lots of really strong women and being able to talk to them about what actually happened to me, it’s made me feel a lot stronger. They’ve never said a nasty thing and they’ve always got a big smile and hello for you and want to know how you’re doing. It’s like a slightly big dysfunctional family. They make me feel a lot stronger than I was.”

“Many of them are professionals and you wouldn’t think they would do something like Roller Derby, but you can’t always judge a book by its cover. They made me feel a lot stronger and more confident and ready to take on the world.”

“It was a group decision to make White Ribbon the charity for the game, and an easy one once the No Shades of Grey title had been agreed upon. While not having seen the movie and with no plans to see or read it, this was an opportunity to support something really worthwhile.”

“There aren’t a lot of things that draw attention to this massive problem we have in New Zealand. So the more information White Ribbon gets out there, the more people you can help, the better.”

So if you want to support a good cause and have a night of fun-filled entertainment, come along to the Roller Derby. The game will feature two equally skilled teams that will be picked on the night, right before the first whistle. The teams will be put into either the BLACK or WHITE team. This means anything could happen as the teams won’t have time to talk strategy or have bench line-ups before the game. With big hits and daring jumps, what these girls can achieve on eight wheels must be seen to be believed. The doors open at 6pm and the derby action starts at 7pm. Teams will be dressed in Black or White – so wear your fan colours accordingly! Come along and find out more about the amazing sport of derby and support the campaign to end violence against women.

TICKET DETAILS:
Door sales only, available on the night from 6pm
Adults – $15
Children – $5 (aged 5-12)
Family pass – $35 (2 adults and up to 3 kids)
Preschoolers – free!
Cash bar and food vendors onsite. Please, no stilettos allowed on the floor at
Cowles Stadium. ROAR

Iona Shotgun (White) jammer - Sarah Gingrich_Background

Iona Shotgun (White) jammer – Sarah Gingrich

About Roller Derby:
Roller Derby is a fast-evolving, world-wide phenomenon. In 2014, Texas hosted the second- ever Roller Derby World Cup. New Zealand was well-represented with women from all over the country making their way to Texas to compete. Dead End Derby’s own Evil K.Neevil and Serious Crash Unit both represented New Zealand. Unit will be skating in this bout. The game is played on an oval track, with five skaters from each team on at a time. The seven referees make sure that the skaters stay safe and legal. The point scorer from each team is distinguished by a star on their helmet and this skater, known as the jammer, must make their way through the other skaters to score. The four other skaters are blockers and their job is to stop the opposition jammer from getting through while helping out their own jammer. Points are scored when the jammer passes the opposition blockers’ hips.

More information can be found at Dead End Derby’s Facebook page:
www.facebook.com/deadendderby
Official Website: www.deadendderby.com Photos by Victor Paul.

Photos courtesy of Victor Paul.

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