Richie Hardcore talks about Porn

White Ribbon Ambassador Richie Hardcore talks about porn on Newstalk ZB. Click HERE to listen.

We need parents and especially dads to step up and start talking to their boys about respectful relationships and respectful sexual relationships. The behaviour within Wellington College and St Patricks Silverstream highlights that boys don’t understand what respectful sexual behaviour is, and that there’s more that fathers can do.

Research commissioned last year by White Ribbon New Zealand found that Kiwi dads rarely discuss the importance of consent and knowing when it is OK or not OK to engage in sexual activity with someone with their teenage sons.

Kiwis might not want to hear this, but rape culture is embedded in most of our high schools and universities – any student will tell you this.

If young men are not receiving good information from their dads (and parents), then they look to their peers, media, movies, the internet and pornography for clues on how to behave.

Many schools are trying to get this information to their students through programmes such as Mates and Dates or Loves Me Not programme and by participating with the White Ribbon Campaign, but as a society we have to do more, and that means dads talking to their sons.

During interviews with men in 2015 we learnt that fathers were uncomfortable talking to their sons about respectful sexual relationships. To find out more we commissioned Research New Zealand to discover what topics fathers were comfortable talking to their sons and daughters about.

Kiwi dads said they least ‘regularly’ discuss the importance of consent and knowing when it is OK or not OK to engage in sexual activity with someone with their teenage sons. 22% said they regularly discuss this, compared with 66% who regularly discussed ‘doing well at school’.

These findings are concerning, because our sons want and need to hear this information from their dads (and parents). If dads don’t talk to their sons, they will go elsewhere and get their information from less reputable sources such as pornography.

Year 9 students suspended from St Patrick’s College Silverstream for inappropriate filming of female staff

Pornography typically shows aggression against women and it intensifies sexist and violence-supportive attitudes and behaviours, as well as increasing sexually aggressive behaviour. Fathers need to counter this with positive talk about consent and showing respect. Research shows that children are being exposed at younger ages to pornography.

White Ribbon Richie Hardcore was exposed to pornography at a young age and now in his 30s he recognises just how harmful pornography is. Listen to Richie talk about the issue here.

White Ribbon also wants to give kiwi dads the confidence and skills to talk about respectful relationships and respectful sexual relationships with their sons. To facilitate this we have created a toolbox for dads and young men. The Start with Respect toolbox gives suggestions to young men on how to have a respectful sexual relationship. We have also created short videos that focus on the top five tips for dads featuring Richie and former All White Harry Ngata. These can be downloaded here.

Download the Toolbox

The research also found that dads with a teenage daughter were twice as likely to ‘regularly’ discuss the importance of consent and knowing when it is OK or not OK to engage in sexual activity with someone with their daughter, than their teenage son.

There is classic double standard with daughters. Dads often want to protect their daughters and therefore have conversations with the aim of keeping them safe. But when it comes to their sons, dads too often think boys will be boys and lack the confidence and skills to have what are vital conversations.

We can’t expect girls to take all the responsibility for their sexual safety; we need to teach our boys to behave respectfully and legally.

As men we can influence the attitudes and behaviour of our sons by talking about, and demonstrating respectful relationships. This emphasises the values and behaviours we want instead of violence and sexual violence.

 

 

 

Blueprints – mapping out a better future together

White Ribbon is delighted to be able to share the details of an exciting new opportunity to assist “at risk” youth in South Auckland.

In July of this year, a partnership agreement was established between White Ribbon and the New Zealand Police within Counties Manukau East. The intention was to work collaboratively together on a programme addressing the numerous issues facing young men 14 to 18 years of age, that come to attention of the Police within this community.

Blueprints receives referrals for 15 young men for each intake from Youth Aid Police and their community contacts, who engage for an initial 10-week period within the four school terms.  After their term on the programme, participants receive ongoing support from the White Ribbon Youth Mentor-Social Worker for another 10 months.

White Ribbon Youth Social Worker Sean Apai and White Ribbon National Relationships Manager Pam Hughes with an artwork created by Petia Wilson (one of the founders of the 1 degree workshops) and presented to the team at the first Blueprints Graduation.

Sessions address many of the current challenges facing our youth and are delivered by contracted providers experienced within their given subjects.  These include: Caroline and Petia Wilson founders of 1-degree Educational Workshops, who tailor their sessions to the specific needs of each group, covering issues such as resilience, emotions, mental health, bullying and leadership; Richie Hardcore, White Ribbon Ambassador and educator, who talks about respectful relationships and challenging the unspoken and outdated rules and stereotypes that limit individual development and inhibit healthy masculinity; Peter Thorburn, Director of MESS, an educator and clinician (AOD), specialising in youth, who delivers a session on alcohol and drugs.

After the completion of these sessions, participants set their own short, medium, and long-term goals where their individual “Blueprint” is developed, and they then receive dedicated support for the following ten-months.

The first intake saw 9 participants completing the individual sessions component in late October with an additional participant moving into employment. More than 60 people, families and supporters attended the enjoyable Graduation event for this first cohort.

Area Commander Inspector Wendy Spiller, Manukau East Police and Pam Hughes, White Ribbon Relationship Manager were incredibly pleased with the successful completion of the first cohort intake. Changing Covid levels during this first term saw the Blueprints team working with significant challenges that required considerable flexibility to navigate. Support from our contractors, participants and parents over this time was vital enabling both continuation and completion.

The second intake has now commenced, with 15 young men attending the individual sessions.

Sean Apai, White Ribbon, Youth mentor/social worker is based at Ormiston Police Station and continues to work closely the Counties Manukau East Youth Aid Team, to deliver positive outcomes for the young men within this partnership programme.

The victim-blaming defence (that didn’t work this time)

White Ribbon Media Release
21 February 2020

 

The victim-blaming defence (that didn’t work this time)

The sentencing of Grace Millane’s killer to life in prison with a minimum non-parole period of  17 years marks the end of a judicial process that can only have been extremely harrowing for her family. They had already experienced the loss of their daughter, literally every parent’s worst nightmare.

White Ribbon Campaign Manager Rob McCann states: “We need to act to prevent other women suffering the same fate. We need to focus on educating our young people about healthy sexual relationships and the meaning of consent. If we do not, they will learn from other sources – their mates or the increasingly violent pornography that is now readily available to anyone with an internet connection irrespective of age.”

A useful resource for understanding and teaching consent is the cup of tea video. https://whiteribbon.org.nz/2015/07/12/consent-explained-with-a-cup-of-tea/

Access to pornography has never been easier and the content regularly features the domination of women. Last year BBC Radio 5 live, commissioned a survey in which it asked 2,002 UK women aged between 18 and 39 if they had experienced various acts during sex.

The majority (59%) had experienced slapping, 38% had experienced choking, 34% had experienced gagging, 20% had experienced spitting and 59% had experienced biting. Almost half of the women (44%) surveyed, said these acts were always wanted.

However, 29% said they were unwanted some of the time, 14% said they were unwanted most of the time, and 10% said they were unwanted every time.[1] A substantial number of respondents felt pressured into these behaviours which suggests their partners lacked a clear understanding of consent. McCann notes: “While this survey was conducted in the UK, there is no reason to believe results would be significantly different in the New Zealand context. In fact, with our intimate partner violence statistics they may be worse.”

The Centre for Women’s Justice in the UK said the figures showed a “growing pressure on young women to consent to violent, dangerous and demeaning acts”, which was “likely to be due to the normalisation of extreme pornography”.[2]

“In December 2018, strangulation became a stand-alone offence,” says Mr McCann “and immediately the number of charges and convictions went through the roof. What we think this indicates is widespread use of strangulation being used not as part of what is known as ‘breath play’, a sexual act that is consented to, but as acts of violence towards women.” As reported by Alison Mau, Women’s Refuge Chief Executive, Dr Anj Jury, said strangulation was so common many victims neglected to even mention it.[3]

This is relevant because Millane’s killer sought to avoid facing the penalty for committing murder by arguing that her death was the result of an accident during consensual rough sex. This is an international issue and there is increasing pressure on Western governments worldwide to ban the so-called “rough sex” defence for murder, which many suggest has evolved from the “she asked for it” defence commonly used in rape trials.

As Canadian commentators have observed: “The “rough sex” defence is not gender neutral. The sex is “rough” for women, not men. “Rough sex” depicted in pornography and in practice is marked by gender asymmetry. It is overwhelmingly women who are on the receiving end of this violence and whose health and very lives are on the line.”[4]

Rob McCann says “In this type of defence, the defendant takes the focus off their own behaviour and encourages discussion of the victim’s prior sexual history and preferences. This is an irrelevant distraction in a murder trial. They use the defence to blame the victim and it is totally unacceptable. There is no way of knowing what the victim wanted or said in this instance, and you simply cannot consent to being murdered.”

“The idea that rough sex could result in accidental death is a fallacy. It takes considerable pressure to strangle someone and if a sexual partner loses consciousness for any reason during sex, the logical response would be stop and check they are ok. While engaging in sadomasochistic behaviours can be a valid choice for consenting adults, it comes with the responsibility to ensure the safety of your partner.”

For more information about how to support Healthy Masculinity go to www.whiteribbon.org.nz

 

White Ribbon Media
Nancy Blackler 0272425318 nancy@blackoutmusic.co.nz
Rob McCann 0212122953 rob@whiteribbon.org.nz
Spokespeople Rob McCann, Mark Longley, Richie Hardcore, Anna Campbell, Karlene Jonkers

 

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Grace Millane Sentencing

White Ribbon Media Release
21 February 2020

 

A minimum of 17 years for one life. How can we make this better?

 

Today the unnamed man found guilty of murdering Grace Millane was sentenced to life in prison with a non-parole period of 17.

“One person has been locked away but are New Zealand women any safer?” asks White Ribbon Manager Rob McCann.

“We certainly feel better about ourselves, but in locking away one person we have not addressed the fact that one in three women experience violence from a partner or ex-partner in their lifetime. We have not addressed the unhealthy attitudes towards women that are nurtured by pornography, or the clichéd masculinity that is created when we tell our young men that ‘boys don’t cry’ or to ‘harden up’.”

“We have not addressed the victim blaming which the defence tried to utilise and that those same myths were repeated by sections of our communities.”

White Ribbon Ambassador Mark Longley agrees. “It is great that justice has been done today and the man who murdered Grace will spend a long time behind bars.

“What is a shame though is that in the 12 months after Grace’s murder we saw a higher than average number of women in New Zealand die at the hands of their partner.

The behaviour displayed by the man who killed Grace shocked me. Descriptions of how he smuggled her body out of the hotel, went on a date and he watched pornography hours after killing her were appalling.

I am sure the traits of an abusive personality would have been seen by friends and colleagues, but were likely never challenged.

The death of Grace and the women after her must not be in vain, violence against women, in any form, is wrong and it is up to us men to spread that message.

As men our voice can be incredibly powerful, whether that is just checking in on a mate and asking if he is ok, or uniting to speak out against violence towards women, says Mr Longley.

White Ribbon is adamant that we must learn from the Grace Millane murder.

“If we want to address the violence that killed Grace, we have to look at the causes,” says Mr McCann. We must examine and undermine the attitudes and behaviours that enable the kind of toxic masculinity that drove the killer, and at the same time support healthy masculinity and respectful relationships (which are a protection against violence).

“We see Healthy Masculinity as rejecting unhelpful stereotypes and #unspoken rules about what it is to be a boy or man and replacing those with qualities such as kindness, being empathetic and finding peaceful resolutions to problems.

“Healthy masculinity is about boys and men being confident in who they are, without feeling pressure to be a certain type of boy/man.

“Boys and men can still be ‘brave’, ‘have muscles’, assertive, tough, love rugby, enjoy time with other men and boys, enjoy a ‘pint’ with the lads. But boys and men should also be free to express sad emotions, enjoy cooking, dancing, gardening and anything else that does not fit into rigid gender stereotypes.

“Healthy masculinity is treating everyone with respect and having Respectful Relationships (which always include consent).

“This is what we much teach our boys to ensure they do not buy into the kind of toxic behaviour that encourages men to use violence and disrespect women.

“And when men encounter men that are violent or hold sexist views, they must be encouraged to stand up and call out the bad behaviour.

“These actions will help reduce violence by undermining the attitudes that support violence and by promoting the healthy masculinity that supports Respectful Relationships.”

For more information about how to support Healthy Masculinity go to www.whiteribbon.org.nz

White Ribbon Media
Nancy Blackler 0272425318 nancy@blackoutmusic.co.nz
Rob McCann 0212122953 rob@whiteribbon.org.nz
Spokespeople Rob McCann, Mark Longley, Richie Hardcore, Anna Campbell, Karlene Jonkers

 

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Following the Grace Millane trial, what can we do?

White Ribbon Media Release
22 November 2019

 

Following the Grace Millane trial, what can we do?

White Ribbon acknowledges the unimaginable hurt and pain the Millane family has suffered, and will continue to endure following the guilty verdict handed down today.

“While one person that has caused so much harm is behind bars, this trial must do something to prevent violence towards women,” says Rob McCann, White Ribbon Manager.

“As a father, I am grateful the jury were able to understand the issue of consent. In my experience there are far too many people that do not understand the concept and the need for consent to be ongoing and active.”

“White Ribbon explains the concept using what is called the ‘cup of tea video’. In the video the act of sex is replaced with having a cup of tea. The video explains you can’t force a person to drink tea, people can change their mind about drinking tea, and if they fall unconscious they can’t be forced to drink the tea.”

“This is a really simple and effective way of teaching consent,” says Mr McCann.

“We also need to acknowledge that a perpetrator’s attitudes and behaviour will be known to their mates. Poor behaviour does not come from a vacuum and it is incumbent on all of us to call out bad behaviour when we see it. It might start off as disrespectful jokes about women while you are in a bar. That might not initially seem harmful, but the reality is that by saying nothing, you are actually sending the signal that the disrespectful behaviour is ok and all too often that behaviour escalates.”

“We are asking the public to intervene and disrupt other men’s violence.  This is commonly called bystander intervention.”

White Ribbon produced a video about how to help by disrupting other men’s violence. You can watch the video here.

The third thing White Ribbon is suggesting is that we talk about pornography with our young men and women.

“Pornography is becoming more violent and more readily accessible,” says Mr McCann. “We believe it is changing the attitudes and behaviour of our young men and women. If our young men mimic pornography, then they treat women as conquests rather than human beings. This behaviour might be seen by some as manly, but ultimately, it’s unhealthy and bad for both men and women.”

White Ribbon recommends you be clear with your children – tell them that porn isn’t real. That it doesn’t show any real relationships, and the sex is often degrading, violent or disrespectful to women. We recommend that you talk about what respectful sexual behaviour looks like – and how you won’t see it in most porn. White Ribbon has produced a video about talking with young men about respectful relationships and porn.

“Following the verdict we must take action to prevent violence. That means taking real steps such as talking about consent, disrupting other men’s violence or talking about respectful sexual relationships and pornography. Doing nothing is one option that is not open to the country with the highest rate of reported violence towards women.”

 

 

White Ribbon Media
Nancy Blackler 0272425318 nancy@blackoutmusic.co.nz
Rob McCann 0212122953 rob@whiteribbon.org.nz
Spokespeople Rob McCann, Mark Longley, Richie Hardcore, Anna Campbell, Karlene Jonkers

 

Additional notes:

Rape Culture
Refers to when society normalises sexualised violence. By doing that we accept and create rape culture.

Rape culture includes jokes, TV, music, advertising, legal jargon, laws, words and imagery, that make violence against women and sexual coercion seem so normal that people believe that rape is inevitable. Rather than viewing the culture of rape as a problem to change, people in a rape culture think about the persistence of rape as “just the way things are.”

White Ribbon focuses on changing men’s social norms to undermine their support of sexual violence. Having men break out of the Man Box prevents a ‘rape culture’ from developing.

Examples of Rape Culture

  • Blaming the victim (“She asked for it!”)
  • Trivialising sexual assault (“Boys will be boys!”)
  • Sexually explicit jokes
  • Tolerance of sexual harassment
  • Inflating false rape report statistics
  • Publicly scrutinizing a victim’s dress, mental state, motives, and history
  • Gratuitous gendered violence in movies and television
  • Defining “manhood” as dominant and sexually aggressive
  • Defining “womanhood” as submissive and sexually passive
  • Pressure on men to “score”
  • Pressure on women to not appear “cold”
  • Assuming only promiscuous women get raped
  • Assuming that men don’t get raped or that only “weak” men get raped
  • Refusing to take rape accusations seriously
  • Teaching women to avoid getting raped

 

Bystander Intervention
It is likely that many of the accused’s mates will have known of his behaviour or elements of it. As mates we have an opportunity to set the norms of what is ok and what is not.

If you hear someone say something disrespectful or display unhealthy behaviours such as harassing women, telling inappropriate jokes, picking a fight, etc., there are a few things you can do to challenge the language or behaviour. By doing nothing we are effectively condoning the behaviour. You can use one or more of the 4Ds;

  • be Direct – challenge them verbally ‘that’s not cool, bro’
  • Distract – get them to do something else, or ask a question of the person who is on the receiving end of the unhealthy behaviour to engage them in conversation (useful if you don’t feel safe being direct)
  • Delegate – talk to someone else about what is going on. Ask their friend/parent/workmate/boss what they think of the behaviour and if there is anything they can do to address it. Work together to see what you could do.
  • Delay – it might not always feel safe to intervene or challenge at the time, depending on the situation, so you can ask them later about whether they realised their behaviour was harmful, or ask the person who might have been on the receiving end how they are.
    (Adapted from – https://www.ihollaback.org/resources/bystander-resources/)
  • Watch and talk to others about this resource – Who Are You? (for older teenagers) https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=iUj2OHLAG3w

Get support for yourself

 

The need to educate your young men and women
When it comes to issues such as pornography and sexual relationships, adults need to have conversations about respectful sexual relationships and consent with our young men and women. By keeping silent (whether through embarrassment or a lack of knowledge or fear) we are allowing third parties such as pornography, media, or their mates to educate our youth. The information they receive can be harmful and often does not ensure they know what they are seeing is NOT real. Many young men are presenting with issues such as erectile dysfunction because the porn they are watching is so violent or extreme and real life does not create the same excitement. Young women are presenting with incontinence issues due to the extreme sex they think they need to participate in. There are also real issues with the increase in violence within porn with physical hitting, strangulation and treating women as receptacles for men’s pleasure. The key issue is that we have to have these conversations. White Ribbon provides information in the Toolbox Section – Respectful Sexual Relationships and Start with Respect at https://whiteribbon.org.nz/toolbox/ (this includes ages and stages information), a video on talking about sexual relationships and pornography with young men https://vimeo.com/299375746. You can also use the Cup of Tea Video to talk about the issue of Consent https://whiteribbon.org.nz/?s=cup+of+tea

All these resources are freely available.

 

What causes the violence

Violence is not about people losing control. Intimate partner violence is about power and control. Violence is a tool used to keep control in a relationship.

It is rigid ideas about gender and gender roles that contribute to men’s use of violence against females.

Even with 80% of family and intimate-partner violence incidents going unreported, New Zealand still has the worst rate for this violence in the world. Our country also has the third highest rate of sexual assault in the world. This indicates that too many New Zealand men still express their masculinity through dominance and power over women.

 

Specific links between masculinity and violence are:

  • Where a culture expects masculinity to involve dominance and toughness there is male violence against females.
  • If an individual man over-conforms to perceived male gender expectations of strength, power and domination, he is more likely to rape women.
  • There’s more sexual violence where men and women have segregated lives, a belief in male sexual conquest, strong male bonding, high alcohol consumption, use of pornography, and sexist social norms.
  • Sexual violence serving as a tool for men and boys to prove their manhood, achieve the social status of a “real man,” and establish power over others.
  • When men believe that they are not – or are not perceived to be – “masculine enough,” they may use intimate partner violence to overcompensate or conform with gendered expectations.

White Ribbon believes young men can be socialised into having unhealthy attitudes and behaviours. This occurs through the media we watch, society’s expectations and the #UnspokenRules that surround us. Our November Campaign focuses on Challenging the #UnspokenRules such as Boys Don’t Cry, Toughen Up and Be the Man.

These #unspoken rules put pressure on boys and young men to behave in certain ways and dismiss “unmanly” behaviour, leading them to suppress their emotions and their individuality. This affects how our boys and young men feel about themselves, and how they treat others. It affects how they approach their relationships, and can lead them to act disrespectfully – even violently – toward their partners.

We have the opportunity to use our voices as parents, caregivers and influencers to speak up over the #unspoken. By saying out loud to our boys and young men that it’s ok for them to be who they are, we can encourage them to define themselves as men who have respectful relationships – protecting our whole community.

 

The campaign will focus on undermining these unhelpful #unspoken rules, and promoting healthy masculinity (and Respectful Relationships) as an alternative.

  • Healthy masculinity is rejecting unhelpful stereotypes and #unspoken rules about what it is to be a boy or man.
  • Healthy masculinity is about being kind, empathetic, finding peaceful resolutions to problems.
  • Healthy masculinity is about boys and men being confident in who they are without feeling pressure to be a certain type of boy/man.
  • Boys and men can still be ‘brave’, ‘have muscles’, assertive, tough, love rugby, enjoy time with other men and boys, enjoy a ‘pint’ with the lads. But boys and men should also be free to express sad emotions, enjoy cooking, dancing, gardening and anything else that does not fit into gender stereotypes.
  • Healthy masculinity is treating everyone with respect and having Respectful Relationships (which always include consent).
  • Healthy masculinity is recognising that people express gender and sexuality in a variety of ways.

 

White Ribbon promotes respectful relationships to prevent domestic and sexual violence against women. Respectful relationships are based on:

  • Equality between men and women. Gender equity in personal relationships and all social spheres, reduces violence against women.
  • Flexible gender behaviour for all. Having men breaking out of the Man Box and choosing their own masculine identity prevents their use of violence.
  • Non-violent communication. Men being emotionally aware and expressive gives them alternatives to aggression.
  • Enthusiastic consent for all sexual activities. Having willing participation is crucial to preventing sexual violence.

 

New Research – young men are told to harden up and that boys don’t cry

Media Release
17 November

New Research – young men are told to harden up and that boys don’t cry

 

Research commissioned by White Ribbon has shown that problematic stereotypes around masculinity remain pervasive in New Zealand.

The research found that that 47% of men were told that ‘boys don’t cry’ while 65% were told that ‘boys should harden or toughen up’ when they were boys. Conversely only 9% of women were told that ‘girls don’t cry.’

White Ribbon Manager Rob McCann says the massive levels of violence by men against women in New Zealand are in part driven by behaviours men frequently assume are normal. “These clichés or #UnspokenRules help shape who we become and what we believe. Ultimately they are damaging and unhealthy.”

Mr McCann says a challenge facing too many young men is the sense that they have to live up to the unspoken rules of masculinity – clichés such as “boys don’t cry” and “toughen up”.

“White Ribbon is encouraging everyone to challenge the unspoken rules, so we can let boys and young men enjoy their individuality and define themselves as men who have respectful relationships with themselves and their partners – creating happier, healthier communities for us all.”

Mr McCann says the research findings are very concerning. “We are programming our young men with unrealistic and unhealthy ideas about what it means to be a man. These unspoken rules put pressure on boys and young men to behave in certain ways and dismiss ‘unmanly’ behaviour, leading them to suppress their emotions and their individuality. This affects how our boys and young men feel about themselves, and how they treat others.”

Mr McCann says these unspoken rules affect how young men approach their relationships, and can lead them to act disrespectfully – even violently – toward their partners.

“White Ribbon is asking the community to use our voices as parents, caregivers and influencers to challenge the #unspoken rules. We need to say out loud to our boys and young men that it’s ok for them to be who they are, and not get trapped in what we sometimes call the man box,” says Mr McCann.

To undermine the #UnspokenRules White Ribbon has created a number of resources that highlight and attempt to undermine three of these clichés with a range of posters and online videos promoting healthy masculinity.

 

Notes:

What Healthy Masculinity looks like:

  • Healthy masculinity is rejecting unhelpful stereotypes and unspoken rules about what it is to be a boy or man.
  • Healthy masculinity is about being kind, empathetic, finding peaceful resolutions to problems.
  • Healthy masculinity is about boys and men being confident in who they are without feeling pressure to be a certain type of boy/man.
  • Boys and men can still be ‘brave’, and have ‘muscles’, be assertive, tough, love rugby, enjoy time with other men and boys, enjoy a ‘pint’ with the lads (for men!). But boys and men should also be free to express sad emotions, enjoy cooking, dancing, gardening and anything else that does not fit into gender stereotypes.
  • Healthy masculinity is treating everyone with respect.
  • Healthy masculinity is recognising that people express gender and sexuality in a variety of ways.

 

The Man Box

  • White Ribbon calls the expectations that men must always appear dominant, tough and in charge “The Man Box”.
  • It’s a box that’s prescriptive and restrictive. Any different behaviours are dismissed as being not manly.
  • Often a boy and a man will believe he needs to appear tough and in-control in front of other men. This is from a fear, real or not, that they’ll reject him, possibly violently, if he doesn’t fit in. Being told to ‘Man Up’ is to be reminded to get back into The Man Box. A man may use violence to show his peers he is manly.
  • Suppressing individual identities and diverse emotional responses is stressful. It’s also unhealthy as these men avoid asking for help.
  • Men who break out of The Man Box to choose their own masculine identity report that they’re less stressed, more satisfied with life and have happier relationships.

 

Research
Conducted by Research New Zealand in 2019. Full research here.

That boys don’t cry

  • 47% Yes, I was led to believe this was true
  • 46% No, I was not led to believe this was true
  • 7% Don’t know

That boys should harden or toughen up

  • 65% Yes
  • 30% No
  • 5% Don’t know

That girls shouldn’t cry

  • 9% Yes I believe this was true
  • 87% No
  • 4% Don’t know

 

White Ribbon Media

 

White Ribbon Graphics can be downloaded from here

Let the memory of Grace Millane change our attitudes towards violence

White Ribbon Media Release: 06 November 2019

LET THE MEMORY OF GRACE MILLANE CHANGE OUR ATTITUDES TOWARDS VIOLENCE

The Grace Millane Trial will hopefully achieve two things. Ensure that justice occurs, and provide an opportunity for something good to come from a horrific act.

While we don’t know all the facts, it is commonly known that people who commit violence towards women are often already hiding in plain sight. It is the escalation of their behaviour and violence which forces society to act, but all too often it is too late.

“Often a perpetrator’s attitudes and behaviour will be known to their mates,” says White Ribbon Manager Rob McCann. “Unfortunately we excuse unacceptable behaviour or look the other way because we have this idea that’s how men are supposed to behave.”

“We are socialised to believe we should score girls, mimic pornography and treat women as conquests rather than human beings. This behaviour is seen by some as manly, but ultimately, it’s unhealthy and bad for both men and women.”

“If there’s one lesson we can learn from the memory of Grace Millane, it’s that doing nothing is not acceptable, says Mr McCann.

If you hear someone say something disrespectful or displaying unhealthy behaviours such as harassing women, telling inappropriate jokes, picking a fight, etc., there are a few things you can do to challenge the language or behaviour. By doing nothing we are effectively condoning the behaviour. You can use one or more of the 4Ds:

  • be Direct – challenge them verbally ‘that’s not cool, bro’
  • Distract – get them to do something else, or ask a question of the person who is on the receiving end of the unhealthy behaviour to engage them in conversation (useful if you don’t feel safe being direct)
  • Delegate – talk to someone else about what is going on. Ask their friend/parent/workmate/boss what they think of the behaviour and if there is anything they can do to address it. Work together to see what you could do.
  • Delay – it might not always feel safe to intervene or challenge at the time, depending on the situation, so you can ask them later about whether they realised their behaviour was harmful, or ask the person who might have been on the receiving end how they are.

“Having a courageous talk with your mates can not only save a life,” says Mr McCann, “it can prevent a whole range of behaviour from rape to casual sexism, undermining the attitudes that underpin violence towards women.”

END

White Ribbon Media
Nancy Blackler 0272 425 318 nancy@blackoutmusic.co.nz
Rob McCann 021 212 2953 rob@whiteribbon.org.nz
Spokespeople: Rob McCann, Mark Longley, Richie Hardcore, Anna Campbell, Karlene Jonkers

Events 2019

Respectful Relationships Campaign | Downloads | Resources | Take The Pledge | Toolbox

Running an event | How to write a media release | Letter seeking retailer support | Publicising White Ribbon Day | Information for churches | Information for local government |Register an Event

 What your organisation can do to support White Ribbon and promote reducing violenceregister an event inverted

This is the information we list on the website. If you have an image please send this through as well and we will endeavor to post this on the website and from time to time on Facebook.

Town or City:
Name of Event:
Date:
Time:
Venue:
Description:

Town or City: Alexandra
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Monday 18 November
Time: 1345-1430
Venue: Alexandra Primary School
Description: School visit. Open to school families only.
Contact: Fiona Mackley, fionam@alexprim.school.nz, 03 448 8340

Town or City: Amberley (example from 2018)
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Monday 18 November
Time: 1100-1200
Venue: Community Hall, Amberley Domain, Douglas Road, Amberley
Description: The White Ribbon Ride will visit Inspire Church Amberley for the end of their Sunday morning service. Join the White Ribbon Riders as they share their stories and talk about the White Ribbon kaupapa.
Contact: Lola Love 0272 102 917

Town or City: Ashburton
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Friday 22 November
Time: 1145-1245
Venue: Holy Name Catholic Church Parish Centre, Cnr. Winter St and Burnett St
Description: Lunch
Contact: Evans Chibanguza, Evans.chibanguza@cdhb.health.nz, 027 213 8140

Town or City: Ashburton
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Friday 22 November
Time: 1245-1415
Venue: St Joseph’s School, 87 Havelock Street
Description: School visit. Open to school families only.
Contact: Evans Chibanguza, Evans.chibanguza@cdhb.health.nz, 027 213 8140

Town or City: Auckland
Name of Event: The Theme of Social Living: Managing the Challenges of Relationships – Inaugural Lecture by Professor Nickola Overall
Date: Wednesday 6 November
Time: 1800-1900
Venue: Large Chemistry Lecture Theatre, Ground Floor, Building 301, 23 Symonds Street, Auckland
Description: Organised by School of Psychology, University of Auckland
Contact: Free but please register at https://nvite.com/universityofauckland/e9be4

Town or City: Auckland (Ellerslie)
Name of Event: Ambassador presentation
Date: Thursday 21 November
Time: 1400-1500
Venue: Youi Insurance
Description: White Ribbon Ambassador Richie Hardcore is presenting on the #UnspokenRules Campaign to staff at Youi Insurance.

Town or City: Auckland
Name of Event:
Date: 11-30 November
Time: 1000-2200
Venue: Ben and Jerry’s Mission Bay
Description: Ben and Jerry’s Mission Bay will be raising money for the White Ribbon Foundation for the month of November by selling limited edition white chocolate dipped waffle cones and donating $1 from every sale of a white chocolate dipped cone to the White Ribbon Foundation at the end of the month!
Contact: missionbay@benandjerry.co.nz
Facebook or Web Link: https://www.benjerry.co.nz

Town or City: Auckland
Name of Event: Publishing information/handing out White Ribbons
Date: Monday 25 November
Time: 0930-1300
Venue: Auckland City Hospital
Description: We will publish information about the 2019 campaign in our ‘in house’ newsletter ‘NOVA’ and be offering staff and the public a white ribbon to wear.
Contact:

Town or City: Auckland (Onehunga)
Name of Event: Ambassador presentation
Date: Monday 25 November
Time: 1400
Venue: Johnson Controls
Description: White Ribbon Ambassador Jordan Henare is speaking to staff at Johnson Controls about the White Ribbon kaupapa and this year’s campaign.

Town or City: Auckland (Papatoetoe)
Name of Event: White Ribbon Dinner
Date: Tuesday 26 November
Time: 1830-2130
Venue: level 1, Indian Association, 25 Tui Road, Papatoetoe. AUCKLAND
Description: Shahaaya and Shanti Niwas Charitable Trust invite you to a White Ribbon Dinner – tickets $40.
Contact: vishrishi@gmail.com Vishal 0212747448
Facebook or Web Link: https://www.facebook.com/events/2366093360370465/

Town or City: Auckland
Name of Event: Annual White Ribbon Breakfast
Date: Friday 29 November
Time:
Venue: Glendene School
Description: Private function – invitation only
Contact:

Town or City: Balclutha
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Wednesday 20 November
Time: 10.30-11.30 am
Venue: South Otago High School, Frances Street, Balclutha
Description: School visit. Open to school families only.
Contact: Kathryn Bartlett, Kathryn.Bartlett@police.govt.nz, 021 191 4820

Town or City: Blenheim
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Monday 25 November
Time: 1100-1230
Venue: Countdown, Blenheim
Description: Opportunity to meet and talk with the White Ribbon Riders
Contact: Ken Mahon 027 441 5662

Town or City: Cambridge
Name of Event: “Row For Respect”
Date: 23 November
Time: From 1000
Venue: Avantidrome, 15 Hanlin Road, Cambridge (as part of the New Zealand Indoor Rowing Championships)
Description: Full marathon “row for respect.” Nicola walked away from an abusive relationship which lasted 7 months ending in June this year. She has been receiving government-funded counselling as a result of what her ex-partner did to her, this has included EMDR therapy which has been very effective and is something she is incredibly grateful for. To give back she wants to raise awareness of respect: respect for partners, family members, work colleagues, teachers, students, teammates, self respect and the environment. By raising awareness of respect she hopes she can prevent this from happening to others and/or help those who might find themselves in the position she was in.
https://givealittle.co.nz/fundraiser/row-for-respect
https://www.facebook.com/RowForRespect/?modal=admin_todo_tour
https://www.instagram.com/rowforrespect/
Contact: Nicola Goss nicola.goss88@gmail.com

Town or City: Cambridge
Name of Event: Morning tea with White Ribbon Ambassador David White
Date: Monday 25 November
Time: 0900-1000
Venue: Onyx
Description: Join us for morning tea with White Ribbon Ambassador David White at Onyx, Cambridge. This will be an opportunity to meet David, learn about becoming White Ribbon Workplace Accredited and ‘take the pledge’ to show your support.
This event is being promoted to our Cambridge business community.
Contact: teawamutu@violencefreewaipa.org.nz
Facebook or Web Link: https://www.facebook.com/violencefreewaipa

Town or City: Cambridge
Name of Event: School Assembly with White Ribbon Ambassador David White
Date: Monday 25 November
Time: 1030
Venue: Cambridge High School – this is a private event.
Description: With Guest Speaker David White, White Ribbon Ambassador, who will provide a 15min presentation to the Year 9 and 10 students and assist with the presentation of awards.
Contact: teawamutu@violencefreewaipa.org.nz

Town or City: Carterton
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Sunday 24 November
Time: 1200-1400
Venue: Carrington Park, High Street, Carterton
Description: Hosted by Rangatahi 2 Rangatira Youth Group. The new Mayor will be in attendance, there will be a shared lunch and then a presentation by the Youth group, a presentation by White Ribbon, and then a basketball game.
Contact: Anaru Te Rangi, 0211842599, Anaru.r2r@gmail.com

Town or City: Christchurch
Name of Event: White Ribbon Accreditation Information Morning
Date: Friday 22 November
Time: 0900-1200
Venue: Presbyterian Support Upper South Island 44 Bealey Ave, Christchurch, New Zealand 8013
Description: Accreditation Information Morning
Family and sexual violence has a direct cost for businesses, through staff absenteeism and turnover, and loss of productivity. Employers have health and safety responsibilities for the safety of staff, including the risk of violence in the workplace. Find out more about White Ribbon’s Accreditation Programme for workplaces.
Public · Hosted by Presbyterian Support Upper South Island and White Ribbon New Zealand
Contact: RSVP to ps@psusi.org.nz or call Megan Waddington for more details 03 363 8209

Town or City: Christchurch
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Friday 22 November
Time: 1430pm kickoff with 1500 formal welcome
Venue: Shirley Intermediate School
Description: White Ribbon Community event in partnership with the Canterbury Family Violence Collaboration, Shirley Village Project, Shirley Intermediate School, Canterbury Police and the Ministry of Social Development. Guest speakers include Helen Leahy – Te Putahitanga o Te Waipounamu, Sela Faletolu-Fasi – VOYCE, Brain Waves and SPCA presenters
Contact: Shareen Hudson, Shareen.hudson@barnardos.org.nz, 027 707 8248

Town or City: Dannevirke
Name of Event: WHITE RIBBON DINE & DANCE (18+) Buffet Dinner. Live Band
Date: Saturday 16 November
Time: 1900-1200
Venue: Dannevirke Services & Citizens Club, 1 Princess Street, Dannevirke 4930
Description: Buffet $35 per person – Business Tables $300 (seats 10)
Guest Speaker Greg Motu from “Man Up” speaking about “Positive Change & Outcomes”
Live Band. This promises to be a fun night out night with our MC, Sharon Ward keeping us entertained as the night progresses
Facebook or Web Link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/986870834786370/
Contact: deanna@tararuareap.co.nz

Town or City: Dannevirke
Name of Event: White Ribbon Promotion
Date: Monday 25 November
Time: 1100
Venue: Clock Tower High Street
Description: Dannevirke White Ribbon Promotion Official Opening lead by our Regional Ambassador Tamai Nicholson with invited Guests.
Facebook or Web Link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/986870834786370/.
Contact: deanna@tararuareap.co.nz

Town or City: Dannevirke
Name of Event:
Date: Tuesday 26 November
Time: 1000 and repeated daily
Venue: Radio Dannevirke
Description: Radio Dannevirke interview
“Family Harm” with White Ribbon Ambassador Sergeant Gary McKernon
Featuring Anne Kelly and White Ribbon Ambassador Thomas Kamura.
Contact: deanna@tararuareap.co.nz
Facebook or Web Link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/986870834786370/.

Town or City: Dannevirke
Name of Event: Rock Hunt
Date: Wednesday 27 November
Time: 1000 onwards
Venue: Dannevirke Township and Tararua REAP, 15 Gordon Street
Description: Dannevirke White Ribbon Children’s “Rock Hunt”
Black rocks with the White Ribbon logo painted on the top will be hidden in and around the Dannevirke township, once found, children bring their rocks into Tararua REAP for a small prize (White Ribbon Balloon & a Temporary Tattoo) then all children go into the draw to win a Book Pack kindly donated to us by Tararua REAP
Contact: deanna@tararuareap.co.nz
Facebook or Web Link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/986870834786370/.

Town or City: Dannevirke
Name of Event: Sausage Sizzle to promote White Ribbon
Date: Thursday 28 November
Time: 1130
Venue: Copenhagen Square, High Street (corner of Ward Street)
Description: Police run sausage sizzle and “High 5 for Hope” to promote White Ribbon campaign. Our local Police including White Ribbon Ambassador Sergeant Gary McKernon are cooking Sausages to promote White Ribbon Awareness. “High 5 for Hope” – come along and paint your hand print on our White Ribbon sheet in hope for change and “Positive Relationships” and in remembrance of loved ones harmed by family violence

Town or City: Dannevirke
Name of Event: Friday Fun Day
Date: Friday 29 November
Time: 1600
Venue: Coronation Park, Guy Street
Description: White Ribbon Dannevirke, Friday Fun Day! Police vs Parent Touch Rugby Game
Contact: deanna@tararuareap.co.nz
Facebook or Web Link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/986870834786370/.

Town or City: Dunedin
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Wednesday 20 November
Time: 1500-1700
Venue: The Octagon, lower half
Description: Speeches by White Ribbon riders and local ambassadors
High tea and hot drinks. Performances by Malie Youth Group, Nikora Mariu, Ana Mariu
Contact: Claire Rye, claire.rye@stoppingviolencedunedin.org.nz, 0273 568 212

Town or City: Eltham
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Tuesday 19 November
Time: 1230-1430
Venue: Eltham School
Description: White Ribbon Ride
Contact: Kathryn Pick, 06 764 8099

Town or City: Gisborne
Name of Event: Walk for Peace Tairāwhiti!
Date: Monday 25 November
Time: 1700-2000
Venue: Marina Park/Lawson Field Rose Garden
Description: STAND UP – E TU Join the Walk for Peace. Meet Marina Carpark 1700. Remembering our past and changing our future. Grab your whanau, mates, work or team and come along!
SPEAK OUT – KORERO MAI – Share our Stories. Have your say, share a poem, spoken word, waiata or korero…
ACT – KARAWHIUA – Take the Pledge, make a stand, build & model Respectful Relationships.
Contact: Contact Wendy on 8691340 or 0278367495 to register.
Email: wendy.miller@barnardos.org.nz
Facebook or Web Link: https://www.facebook.com/events/2399406307055129/

Town or City: Gore
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Tuesday 19 November
Time: 0900-0945
Venue: Longford Intermediate School
Description: School visit. Open to school families only.
Contact: Sam Munroe, Sam.munroe@gorerefuge.org.nz, 027 227 5557

Town or City: Gore
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Tuesday 19 November
Time: 1000-1045
Venue: Gore Main School
Description: School visit. Open to school families only.
Contact: Sam Munroe, Sam.munroe@gorerefuge.org.nz, 027 227 5557

Town or City: Greymouth
Name of Event:
Date: Sunday 17 November
Time: 1000-1100
Venue: The Warehouse
Description: FREE sausage sizzle and an opportunity to meet the White Ribbon Riders as they come through. If you’re lucky you might even get a chance to play on their bikes!
Contact:

Town or City: Haast
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Monday 18 November
Time: 0900-0945
Venue: Haast School
Description: School visit. Open to school families only. . Open to school families only.
Contact: Simon Burges-Short, simon.burgesshort@westcoastdhb.health.nz, 027 702 1302

Town or City: Haast
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Sunday 19 November
Time: 1900-2030
Venue: Heritage Hotel Haast
Description: Meet and greet with the riders
Contact: Tracey Dinan, 03 750 0828

Town or City: Hamilton
Name of Event: White Ribbon March
Date: Wednesday 27 November
Time: 0900-1100
Venue: Fairfield Hall, Clarkin Road,
Description: White Ribbon March involves Primary, Intermediate and High School students marching against violence towards women. This is the third year we have held this event with approx 100 0 150 students involved. At the end of the march we will have students presenting speeches and the schools kapa haka groups representing.
Contact:

Town or City: Hamilton
Name of Event: White Ribbon Walk/Hikoi
Date: Friday 29 November
Time: 1130-1300
Venue: Meteor Theatre to Garden Place
Description: In collaboration with a number of community centres, Waikato Women’s Refuge Te Whakaruruhau and Hamilton City Council are coordinating a White Ribbon Walk/Hikoi on Friday 29 November @ 11.30am. The walk will start from the Meteor Theatre, 1 Victoria Street, Hamilton and finish at Garden Place, where we are coordinating an MC, live entertainment and a couple of guest speakers on the main stage 12-1pm. White Ribbon Ambassador David White will be speaking at this event.
Contact: Rouruina Toa C/- Glenview Community Centre glenviewcent@gmail.com

Town or City: Hawarden
Name of Event:
Date: Tuesday 19 November
Time: 1200-1400
Venue: Hurunui College
Description: The Violence Free North Canterbury Network are hosting three lunch-time White Ribbon events at Hurunui College, Oxford School and Rangiora High School on 19-21 November. The students will engage in activities and conversation around the #unspokenrules social media campaign.
Contact: natalie.paterson@wmk.govt.nz
Facebook or Web Link: https://www.waimakariri.govt.nz/community/community-initiatives/community-safety/violence-prevention

Town or City: Hawera
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Thursday 21 November
Time: 1000-1030
Venue: Te Kura Kaupapa Māori o Ngati Ruanui
Description: White Ribbon Ride visit to the school
Contact: Cheryl 06 278 4350

Town or City: Hokitika
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Sunday 17 November
Time: 1200-1300
Venue: New World Supermarket, 116 Revell St, Hokitika
Free BBQ manned by Safe Man Safe Family & Hokitika INOK Champions. White Ribbon Riders to talk with shoppers. BBQ will continue after riders leave.
Contact: Simon Burges-Short, simon.burgesshort@westcoastdhb.health.nz, 027 702 1302

Town or City: Invercargill
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: 20 November
Time: 0900-0945
Venue: Te Wharekura O Arowhenua school, 734 Tweed St Invercargill
Description: School visit. Open to school families only.
Contact: Gary Davis, Principal, 03-216 7701

Town or City: Invercargill
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: 19 November
Time: 1345-1445
Venue: Fernworth Primary School
Description: School visit. Open to school families only.
Contact: Jo Johnson, 03 216 9659

Town or City: Kaikoura
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Saturday 23 November
Time: 1230-1330
Venue: West End, Kaikoura
Description: The White Ribbon riders will meet HRH the Prince of Wales and the Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, who are visiting Kaikoura that day. Opportunity for the public to meet the riders once the VIP party leaves West End.
Contact: Joanna York,joanna.york@kaikoura.govt.nz, 022 061 4558

Town or City: Kawerau
Name of Event: Kawerau White Ribbon Day 2019
Date: Saturday 23 November 2019
Time: 1000-1400
Venue: Kawerau Circus Paddock
Description: This will be a FREE community event where we will be providing free sausage sizzle, fruit, water and entertainment for all of our local whānau to enjoy. Local services have been invited to take part in the day’s event and offer fun activities for whānau to engage in. We hope to get the ‘White Ribbon’ message across our rohe by raising awareness and in turn creating a safer community.
Contact: Kataraina Anderson kataraina@eastbayreap.org.nz

Town or City: Levin
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Saturday 23 November
Time: 123j0-1400
Venue: Bounce Out of School Care, API showgrounds, Levin
Description: Relaxed Family Day with Face Painting, BBQ, Art Display, Interaction time with local people and Agencies
Contact: Nicola Manville, 027 6455057

Town or City: Lower Hutt (Taita)
Name of Event: Community Breakfast
Date: Friday 22 November
Time: 0800-1000
Venue: Walter Nash Centre, Taita
Description: A healthy breakfast, Speakers and Entertainment, Acknowledgements
Contact: Hine 027 642 8572 and Dina 027 224 5824

Town or City: Lower Hutt, Wellington
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Sunday 24 November
Time: 1500
Venue: Waiwhetu Marae
Description: Powhiri at 3.00pm followed by cuppa and settling in. Tea at 5.00pm and supper at 8.30pm. . Interaction with community at marae after tea and before supper.
Contact:

Town or City: Lower Hutt, Wellington
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Monday 25 November
Time: 0700
Venue: Waiwhetu Marae
Description: Breakfast then depart to rolling haka
Contact:

Town or City: Manaia
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Wednesday 20 November
Time: 1400-1600
Venue: Manaia Primary School
Description: White Ribbon Ride
Contact: Laila Kivell / Sandra Savenye, 06 274 8283 or 027 555 6546

Town or City: Manukau City
Name of Event: White Ribbon Community Sausage Sizzle
Date: Monday 25 November
Time: 1300-1430
Venue: Friendship House, 20 Putney Way, Manukau
Description: Free Community Sausage sizzle. Raising awareness around Family Violence.
Speak to our Living Without Violence facilitators. Gain insight and learn skills on how to survive the Holiday season.
Contact: serena@friendshiphouse.org.nz
Facebook or Web Link: https://www.facebook.com/FriendshipHouseNZTown or City: Marton

Town or City: Marton
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Saturday 23 November
Time: 0930-1030
Venue: Marton Park
Description: Riders to talk at the Marton Park showgrounds
Contact: Cath Ash, 06- 327 7633 Cell: 021 524585

Town or City: Masterton
Name of Event: I run a programme on our local community radio Station Arrow FM 92.7.
Date: 7-14-21-28 November
Time: 1700-1800
Venue: Radio House Church Street
Description: Broadcast Thursdays from 5-6pm, repeated and also shown on Wai TV.
The programme is called Tribal Nations and the focus is on Community well-being, especially the kaupapa of raising awareness around teen suicide and White Ribbon.
November will be about promoting and discussing the White Ribbon kaupapa, giving insight into the origins, raising awareness, promoting events, interviews with White Ribbon riders and others and highlighting the messages relating to the current campaign.
Facebook or Web Link: https://www.arrowfm.co.nz/programmes/show/144/tribal-nations/
Contact: clinton@cdc.govt.nz

Town or City: Milton
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Wednesday 20 November
Time: 1215-1415
Venue: Otago Corrections Facility
Description: Private Visit

Town or City: Mt Maunganui
Name of Event: White Ribbon Day Service
Date: Monday 25 Nov ember
Time: 0730-
Venue: on the summit of Mauao at the Monica Cantwell memorial. Nau mai, haere mai.
Description: 7.30am Mihi whakatau – Tamati Tata; 7.35am Blessing – Reverend Leanne Rolleston; 7.45am Fiona Sullivan – poem for the day; 7.50am Angie Warren-Clark MP and Hazel Hape – wreath; 8.05am Waiata: Waiari and Peri Kohu; 8.10am Colin Gardiner – It’s Not Ok Family Violence Campaign Advocate; 8.25am Himene – Whakaaria Mai and Karakia whakamutunga followed by Morning coffee after at the Deck Chair Café, 2 Marine Parade, Mt Maunganui

Town or City: Nelson
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Saturday 16 November
Time: 1030-1300
Venue: 1903 Square, Trafalgar St, Nelson
Description: Speeches by riders, attended by MP Nick Smith, the mayor will arrive on a motorbike, lunch provided by Soroptimists
Contact: Sheryl Waterhouse, waterhousesheryl@gmail.com, 021 034 2268

Town or City: Oamaru
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Thursday 21 November
Time: 1000
Venue: East Otago High School
Description: School visit. Open to school families only.
Contact: Jason McCoy, jason.mccoy@police.govt.nz, 021 191 4797

Town or City: Oamaru
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Thursday 21 November
Time: 1215
Venue: Waitaki Girls High School
Description: School visit. Open to school families only.
Contact: Jason McCoy, jason.mccoy@police.govt.nz, 021 191 4797

Town or City: Oamaru
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Thursday 21 November
Time: 1320
Venue: St Kevins College
Description: School visit. Open to school families only.
Contact: Jason McCoy, jason.mccoy@police.govt.nz, 021 191 4797

Town or City: Oamaru
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Thursday 21 November
Time: 1430
Venue: Waitaki Boys High School
Description: School visit. Open to school families only.
Contact: Jason McCoy, jason.mccoy@police.govt.nz, 021 191 4797

Town or City: Opunake
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Wednesday 20 November
Time: 1200-1400
Venue: Te Kura Kaupapa Maori o Tamarongo
Description: White Ribbon Ride visit to a school
Contact: Gabrielle Whitu 027 761 7430

Town or City: Orewa
Name of Event: Stall, Sausage Sizzle, signing The Pledge
Date: Saturday 23 November
Time: 1630
Venue: Moana Reserve, Orewa Beach
Description: Te Rito Rodney along with NZ Police will be combining to set up a stall selling It’s not OK balloons, t shirts, pretend tattoos and other items. We will also be getting men to sign The Pledge that violence towards women and children is not OK. There will be also a sausage sizzle with a donation to women’s refugee to buy a sausage.
Contact: teritorodney@gmail.com

Town or City: Otorohanga
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Monday 18 November
Time: 0900-1100
Venue: Otorohanga College
Description: Hui with the students
Contact: Caren Campbell, 021 381 428

Town or City: Oxford
Name of Event:
Date: Wednesday 20 November
Time: 1200-1400
Venue: Oxford School
Description: The Violence Free North Canterbury Network are hosting three lunch-time White Ribbon events at Hurunui College, Oxford School and Rangiora High School on 19-21 November. The students will engage in activities and conversation around the #unspokenrules social media campaign.
Contact: natalie.paterson@wmk.govt.nz
Facebook or Web Link: https://www.waimakariri.govt.nz/community/community-initiatives/community-safety/violence-prevention
Town or City: Palmerston North
Name of Event: “Row for Respect”
Date: 2 November
Time: 1400
Venue: Zenith Gym
Description: Half marathon “row for respect.” Nicola walked away from an abusive relationship which lasted 7 months ending in June this year. She has been receiving government-funded counselling as a result of what her ex-partner did to her, this has included EMDR therapy which has been very effective and is something she is incredibly grateful for. To give back she wants to raise awareness of respect: respect for partners, family members, work colleagues, teachers, students, teammates, self respect and the environment. By raising awareness of respect she hopes she can prevent this from happening to others and/or help those who might find themselves in the position she was in.
https://givealittle.co.nz/fundraiser/row-for-respect
https://www.facebook.com/RowForRespect/?modal=admin_todo_tour
https://www.instagram.com/rowforrespect/
Contact: Nicola Goss nicola.goss88@gmail.com

Town or City: Palmerston North
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Saturday 23 November
Time: 1000-1400 (Riders there 1100-1200)
Venue: The Square Palmerston North
Description: Stalls, sausage sizzle, speakers
Contact: Gail Wood, 021 2477590

Town or City: Picton
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Saturday 16 November
Time: 0700-0800
Venue: Cafe Cortado, Cnr High St & London Quay, Picton
Description: Meet and greet with the riders
Contact: Ken Mahon 027 441 5662

Town or City: Piopio
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Monday 18 November
Time: 1200-1400
Venue: Piopio College
Description: BBQ lunch
Contact: Caren Campbell, 021 381 428

Town or City: Porirua
Name of Event: Daddy Daughter Breakfast
Date: Friday 22 November
Time: 0700-0800
Venue: Porirua Whanau Centre, Cannons Creek
Description: We would like an Ambassador for 20minutes-an hour to give a speech and start/take The Pledge after. Not able to contribute to costs of an Ambassador visit.
Contact: Repeka Kome, 0211955770 or 042377749,
Email repeka.kome@poriruawhanau.org.nz

Town or City: Porirua
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Monday 25 November
Time: 09:30 – 11:00
Venue: Holy Family School
Description: Kia O Rahi – a game in which the story behind it relates to White Ribbon. There will also be a sausage sizzle to sit down with the school and have a casual Korero.
Contact: Repeka Kome, 0211955770 or 042377749

Town or City: Porirua
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Monday 25 November
Time: 0930-1100
Venue: Holy Family School
Description: Kia O Rahi – a game in which the story behind it relates to White Ribbon. There will also be a sausage sizzle to sit down with the school and have a casual Korero.
Contact: Repeka Kome, 0211955770 or 042377749

Town or City: Porirua
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Monday 25 November
Time: 1130-1230
Venue: Rolling Haka in Porirua East
Description: Rolling Haka with schools on the main roads here in Porirua to show their appreciation for the cause. Beginning at Porirua Whanau Centre, visiting Glenview School, Cannon’s Creek School, Porirua Police College.
Contact: Repeka Kome, 0211955770 or 042377749

Town or City: Rangiora
Name of Event:
Date: Thursday 21 November
Time: 1200-1400
Venue: Rangiora High School
Description: The Violence Free North Canterbury Network are hosting three lunch-time White Ribbon events at Hurunui College, Oxford School and Rangiora High School on 19-21 November. The students will engage in activities and conversation around the #unspokenrules social media campaign.
Contact: natalie.paterson@wmk.govt.nz
Facebook or Web Link: https://www.waimakariri.govt.nz/community/community-initiatives/community-safety/violence-prevention

Town or City: Reefton
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Saturday 16 November
Time: 1800
Venue: Hotel Reefton
Description: Community event; opportunity to meet with the White Ribbon Riders
Contact: Simon Burges-Short, 03 788 8065, 027 702 1302

Town or City: Taupo
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Sunday 17 November
Time: 0900-1200
Venue: Local reserve
Description: Taupo District Council and partners. Agencies that are a part of the TVIN Network. An event to host the riders on a local reserve. Riders split in half – Group One visit here.
Contact: Gloria Eves, 07 3788109 ext 8 / 0274 333 529

Town or City: Tauranga
Name of Event: White Ribbon/Shakti Women’s Refuge
Date: Friday 15 November/Sunday 17 November
Time: Friday 0900-1600 / Sunday 0930 Service followed by morning tea at 1045
Venue: St Columba Church, Cherrywood
Description: Information and invitations for people to plant a white ribbon stake on our church frontage. We will ask for a donation for the cloth white ribbon and proceeds will be given to Shakti Women’s refuge. Then on the Sunday 17 November we have a special service with a speaker from Shakti at 9:30 am and then a morning tea 10:45am on our front lawn when we plant our white ribbons.
Contact:

Town or City: Te Awamutu
Name of Event: Hikoi for Change
Date: Monday 25 November
Time: 1245 for 1300 start.
Venue: Te Awamutu Ministry of Social Devlopment
Description: Hikoi for Change. Join us to take a stand as one team united against violence.
Are you up for the challenge to walk from MSD/ TA Courier up Alexandra Street to Ara Poutama (Dept of Corrections) in HIGH HEELS? Men and woman welcome!
Meeting at 12.45pm with planned start 1pm. Guest speaker – David White – White Ribbon Ambassador and New Zealander of the Year Nominee and BBQ at Ara Poutama.
We have some pairs of heels available but could do with more please. If you have spare “heels” in large sizes that you no longer want, size 10 up, please drop off to the MSD (WINZ _ Sloane Street) Thank You.
Contact: teawamutu@violencefreewaipa.org.nz
Facebook or Web Link: https://www.facebook.com/events/3027904350558982/

Town or City: Timaru
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Friday 22 November
Time: 0850-0930
Venue: Roncalli College
Description: School visit. Open to school families only.
Contact: Deb Quested, Deborah.Quested@police.govt.nz, 021 192 1382

Town or City: Timaru
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Friday 22 November
Time: 0945-1045
Venue: Placemakers Timaru, 88-94 Hilton Hwy, Washdyke
Description: BBQ for local community
Contact: Deb Quested, Deborah.Quested@police.govt.nz, 021 192 1382

Town or City: Turangi
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Sunday 17 November
Time: 1200-1400
Venue: Maunga Tihi Riders Club Rooms
Description: Welcome by Club members, shared kai and korero
Contact: Paula Reweti 021 233 4670

Town or City: Upper Hutt
Name of Event: March through Upper Hutt
Date: Saturday 23 November
Time: 1300
Venue: St Joseph’s playground
Description: We are having a march through Upper Hutt highlighting the importance of respectful relationships and finishing with a rally in the playground of Upper Hutt primary school. All those interested are welcome
Contact: ron@4abettercity.nz

Town or City: Wanaka
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Monday 18 November
Time: 1150 to 1230
Venue: Kai Whakapai Café, 121 Ardmore St
Description: Riders calling in for a meal break.
Contact: Roger and Shona, 03 443 7795

Town or City: Waverly TBC
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Wednesday 20 November
Time: 1100-1300
Venue: Waverly Primary School
Description: White Ribbon Ride
Contact: Gabrielle McCullum 0273465081

Town or City: Waitara
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Tuesday 19 November
Time: 0930-1100
Venue: Waitara East School
Description: White Ribbon Ride visit to a school
Contact: Denise Welch

Town or City: Wellington
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Friday 15 November
Time: 1100 to 1300
Venue: Bunnings Wellington Central, 46 Tory St
Description: Meet and greet with the riders
Contact: Jocelyn Smith, 027 645 8872

Town or City: Wellington
Name of Event: White Ribbon Breakfast
Date: Thursday 21 November
Time:
Venue: Police Headquarters
Description: Invitation only.
Contact:

Town or City: Wellington
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Saturday 23 November
Time: 0900 to 1400
Venue: Bunnings Wellington Central, 46 Tory St
Description: Fundraiser sausage sizzle
Contact: Jocelyn Smith, 027 645 8872

Town or City: Wellington
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Monday 25 November
Time: 1230
Venue: Parliament
Description: Event at Parliament
Contact: Rob McCann 021 212 2953

Town or City: Whanganui
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Friday 22 November
Time: 1130-1300
Venue: Whanganui Town Centre
Description: White Ribbon Ride joining the White Ribbon Parade
Contact: Time Metcalfe 027 445 3098

Town or City: Whanganui
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Friday 22 November
Time: 1000-1115
Venue: Keith Street School
Description: White Ribbon Ride visit to a school
Contact: Linda Ireton 06 349 1111

Town or City: Whanganui
Name of Event: White Ribbon Ride
Date: Friday 22 November
Time: 1400-1600
Venue: Rutherford Junior High School
Description: White Ribbon Ride visit to a school
Contact: Julian 021 0867 2409

Town or City: Whangarei
Name of Event: Open Exhibition on Survivor Art Installation
Date: Monday/Tuesday 25/26 November
Time: 0930-1430
Venue: 52 Cameron Street
Description: This installation provides a tangible response to one of our culture’s most pervasive rape myths. Outfits featured have been recreated from the stories of Survivors.
Contact:

Town or City:
Name of Event:
Date:
Time:
Venue:
Description:
Contact:

Raising Domestic Violence Awareness: IWD at Nielsen

This year our #InternationalWomensDay focus at #Nielsen was on raising domestic violence
awareness. We welcomed guest speakers from #WhiteRibbon to our local offices in Auckland,
Sydney, Wellington and Melbourne, where we were able to ask questions and learn more about
the harrowing effects of violence against women in our society. One week on from #IWD, we are
still blown away by the astounding statistics that, even as data experts, we struggle to grasp.
The impact to victims of domestic violence really do touch on people of every culture, age,
background, and socioeconomic status.

We were joined by Stephanie Callanan, Manager of the Australian White Ribbon Workplace
Program for four years in the Sydney office, Richie Hardcore who is a Public Speaker, Educator
and MC for Domestic Violence and on the Board of the White Ribbon in NZ who spoke in the
Auckland office, Rob McCann, who has worked for White Ribbon for over 10 years and is
currently the Manager for the New Zealand organisation, in the Wellington office, and Sunila
Kotwal, the Diversity and Inclusion Manager for White Ribbon AUS, in Melbourne.


Those who attended these events learned more about the issue of men’s violence against
women and many felt more empowered to play a part in driving awareness and contributing
towards taking a stand against this type of violence. It was great to hear feedback, from the
events that people’s perceptions and misconceptions had been altered –

“ Stephanie spoke about some very eye opening stats, and spoke very honestly about her own
experiences with domestic violence from a recent relationship. As an associate who is not
originally from Australia, I had the misconception that domestic violence doesn’t happen here. I
was shocked to find that it does, and in several different ways.”

“It was an intense session where we got to discuss and hear more about the violence against
women in different ways, making the topic feel closer to our own reality. The statistics were
shocking and it changed my mindset in regards to how much can I contribute to making an
impact against this.”

“It was a breath of fresh air to hear Richie talk so passionately and openly about ‘masculinity’
and how it can become ‘toxic,’ affecting relationships with women.I hope it made everyone think
about how they can shape societies future by providing our young men with better, more varied
role models.”

We continue to be committed to supporting any of our Pacific associates experiencing domestic
violence through our new Domestic Violence Family Leave policy. Launched on White Ribbon
Day in 2018, the policy seeks to support associates who may be experiencing the effects of
violence at home with up to 10 days paid leave.

Grace Millane

Our thoughts go out to the Millane family whose grief will be unimaginable. Their message to New Zealand is here.

So many New Zealanders have been horrified as this story has unfolded. This is a time to stand together, share that pain and show our compassion for Grace and her family. Thank you for honouring her contribution to the world and and saying time’s up on the violence, intimidation and the senseless waste of lives all around the world.

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While this story has touched all of us, the wider story often goes untold. As a country we need to wake up and recognise that as many as 14 women are killed in domestic violence each year. Many more pass through our hospitals with serious injuries. Police investigate over 118,000 family violence incidents every year. That amounts to 41% of a front line officer’s time.

White Ribbon believes attitudes have to change, and over the last few days Mark Longley, Richie Hardcore, Rob McCann and Anna Campbell have all spoken to a wide range of media saying the same thing: that something good must come out of this tragedy; that men’s attitudes towards women need to change; and that we all need to play a role in ending family violence.

Please take the White Ribbon Pledge to ‘stand up, speak out and act against men’s violence towards women’ at whiteribbon.org.nz and when you do, choose from one of eight actions that help to reduce men’s violence towards women.

That’s our challenge to you. If you haven’t taken The Pledge, do it now and encourage others to do the same. Let’s get people active now because there should not need to be another death to make us care.

Vigils Across New Zealand

There are a number of vigils planned for Grace. Please support them wherever you are. (Thanks to Newshub and NZ Herald for this information)
Queenstown, Tuesday 11th, 7pm, The Boatshed Cafe.
Auckland, Wednesday 12th, 6pm, St Patrick’s Cathedral Square
Auckland, Wednesday 12th, 7pm, Federal Street.
Hamilton, Wednesday 12th, 7pm, Location Memorial Park*
New Plymouth, Wednesday 12th, 7pm, Puki Ariki Landing.
Wellington, Wednesday 12th, 7pm, Civic Square.
Nelson, Wednesday 12th, 7pm, 1903 Square.
Christchurch, Wednesday 12th, 7pm, Cathedral Square.
Dunedin, Wednesday 12th, 7pm, Lower Octagon.
Memorial Cruise, Friday 14th, 10pm, Gather at Quay Street to cruise to Scenic Drive, Waitakere.
Auckland, Saturday 15th, 12pm, Auckland City.
Mount Manganui, Saturday 15th, 8pm Sunset vigil at Surf Club.
Blenheim, Wednesday 12th, 7pm, Taylor River Amphitheatre.
Rotorua, Wednesday Tutanekai and Hinemoa Sts,
Kapiti, Saturday 15th, 8:30pm, Paraparaumu Beach
Tauranga Friday 14th at the Waterfront on the Strand, 7pm

* Location to be confirmed

Anna Campbell on the AM Show

Mark Longley on The Project

Rob McCann on BBC World News

Mikaela aka Mouse performed an original song on the night re-writing the words to for Grace

Mikaela aka Mouse performed an original song on the night re-writing the words to for Grace.

I see a silhouette figure staring back at me
In the doorway or under the covers protecting me while I sleep
With the angel lights guiding me
I can finally tell her just what I mean

And I know that things have their time
But why’d you have to go before I finished mine

And I wish I could’ve said goodbye
I wish I could’ve told her, she’s always on my mind
This is my goodbye song
It’s what I’ve wanted to say all along
This is my goodbye song

There’s a million reasons why I could be missing you
From the way you look to all the little things you do
And I hope the world’s being good to you
That you’re looking down on me the way I’m looking up at you

And I know things happen for a reason
But is it too much to ask, for one more chance?

Just to say goodbye
Just to tell her, she’s always on my mind
This is my goodbye song
It’s what I’ve wanted to say all along
This is my goodbye song
And this is my goodbye song

Day will come and
Night will fall and
All the stars will align
Clouds will form and
Winter mornings
I’ll dream she’s right there by my side

Now’s my chance to say goodbye
Now’s my chance to tell her, she’s always on my mind
This is my goodbye song
It’s what I’ve wanted to say all along
This is my goodbye song