Research – #UnspokenRules

A challenge facing too many young men is the sense that they have to live up to the unspoken rules of masculinity – clichés such as “boys don’t cry” and “toughen up”.

White Ribbon is encouraging everyone to challenge the unspoken rules, so we can let boys and young men enjoy their individuality and define themselves as men who have respectful relationships with themselves and their partners – creating happier, healthier communities for us all.

“The massive levels of violence by men against women in New Zealand are in part driven from behaviours men frequently assume are normal,” says White Ribbon Manager Rob McCann. “These clichés or #UnspokenRules help shape who we become and what we believe. Ultimately they are damaging and unhealthy.”

The research found that that 47% of men were told that ‘Boys’ don’t cry’ while 65% were told that ‘boys should harden or toughen up’ when they were boys. Conversely only 9% of women were told that ‘girls don’t cry.’

“These findings are very concerning,” says Mr McCann. “We are programming our young men with unrealistic and unhealthy ideas about what it means to be a man. These rules put pressure on boys and young men to behave in certain ways and dismiss “unmanly” behaviour, leading them to suppress their emotions and their individuality. This affects how our boys and young men feel about themselves, and how they treat others. It affects how they approach their relationships, and can lead them to act disrespectfully – even violently – toward their partners.”

Survey conducted by Research NZ

Download the full Research here.

Please note there are two tabs on the excel file. One is data by age, the other is by gender.
The information below is data by gender.

Questions to Males
When you were growing up, which of the following were you led to believe were true about boys?

That boys don’t cry
47% – Yes, I was led to believe this was true (only 10% of girls were told this)
46% No, I was not led to believe this was true
7% Don’t know

That boys should harden or toughen up
65% Yes
30% No
5% Don’t know

That boys need to be THE man (which means being in-charge, dominant, the main breadwinner)
55% Yes
41% No
4% Don’t know

That boys don’t back down from fights
36% Yes
59% No
5% Don’t know

That boys need to control their emotions (i.e. don’t show their feelings)
44% Yes
50% No
6% Don’t know

That boys are supposed to be muscular
47% Yes (57% of 18-24 year olds believe this)
48% No
5% Don’t know

Questions to Females
Thinking about when you were growing up, which of the following were you led to believe were true about girls? That girls are not supposed to be dominant or in charge
30% Yes I believe this was true
65% No
5% Don’t know

That girls are not supposed to sleep with lots of guys
71% Yes I believe this was true
23% No
7% Don’t know

That girls shouldn’t cry
9% Yes I believe this was true
87% No
4% Don’t know

That girls are supposed to be skinny (and/or pretty)
46% Yes I believe this was true
49% No
5% Don’t know