Help to change your behaviour | Supporting victims | Where to go for help

Cool heads, warm hearts and loving hands make for safe, nurturing families. 

We all want our mothers, daughters, sisters and girlfriends to  be safe and to have great relationships with their partners and families.  As men, we can help achieve this by actively taking responsibility to help end men’s violence against women.  For some, this may mean taking a close look at our own behaviour and making some changes.   For others it may be helping a friend or someone else in our family to get help.

Alfred Ngaro

    ‘Man up’ and be a good mate – Alfred’s story

  Alfred and his wife Mokauina have four children.

He knows what being a good mate means. “A good mate looks after his mates even if that means standing up to him and holding your ground.”

Alfred knows this first hand. He saw a close friend reach boiling point at a barbecue and knew he had to get involved or let his friend’s family get hurt.

  “He was sounding really angry. You know how your friends sound, and you know when the tone is different. This was different. I could hear his voice change and I just knew it meant he would hurt someone. I had to make a decision about what to do. “As a guy I could easily have just said – nup none of my business. Or I could ‘man up’ and tell him it’s not OK to intimidate his partner.  “So I took my mate aside and said this is no good, there’s got to be a better way. “It isn’t about being judgemental; it’s about supporting people to make changes and then standing by to make sure they can keep it up. “The good thing is he got help. We are still mates today. I’m still welcome at his home. “Saying something is better than doing nothing.“We all need to take a stand and say it’s not OK, but it is OK to ask for help.”