No Shades of Grey

No Shades of Grey_Layer 1

NO SHADES OF GREY

White Ribbon spoke to Vicious de Milo, a non-skating official (NSO) who is excited that the local Roller Derby league is supporting White Ribbon as their charity of choice, but first we’d better explain the name. All the girls in the game have a nickname (5 Foot Fury, Scarlet Venom, Sonic Screwdriverher (for the Dr Who Fans), Serious Crash Unit and Evil K.Neevil.

The vicious part is in no way a reflection of her temperate. In fact it evolved because of the strength of her vocal cords. Vicious helps out with kappa haka groups, and it’s been said her voice is quite (extremely) loud – that’s how the description “vicious” came about.

Vicious helps to organise parts of the ‘bout’, taking responsibility for what is termed the penalty box and the penalty scoring. It’s a complicated game for the uninitiated, but it sounds like tremendous fun and I’m assured that once you watch the game, it all clicks. And to be honest, it sounds exciting at the other end of the phone and explains why the game is growing at such a tremendous pace all around the world.

Vicious sounds energised when she talks about the game. That’s a far cry from an earlier time in her life when she was subjected to family violence and had to endure ongoing physical and psychological abuse. As Vicious explains, it was the emotional abuse that she remembers as the worst.

“Being told that I wasn’t a good mum, that my family thought I was useless, that I was never going to have any friends… by then I believed every single thing the abuser said”. In her own words she was so downtrodden “…that I shut down. The only person I would talk to were my daughters and unfortunately, him.”

“It knocked my confidence a lot. Before that I was extremely outgoing but after that, I withdrew from society quite a bit. The only time you’d see me outside of the house was for shopping and when I took my kids to school. I didn’t leave the house for pretty much two or three years.”

“I didn’t trust anyone outside my family and it took a lot to start trusting people again, especially males.” In fact it was four years of trying to deal with the after effects of the violence alone, before Vicious was able to ask for help.

There was one male she had to communicate with, because he was her daughter’s teacher. “He ended up being a really good person to talk to. I went and got some counselling, and then I started dealing with people outside of the house and slowly the confidence came back.”

Squirrel (White) and Champain (Black)

Squirrel (White) and Champain (Black) competing in the derby

The league has also helped. “Being around lots of really strong women and being able to talk to them about what actually happened to me, it’s made me feel a lot stronger. They’ve never said a nasty thing and they’ve always got a big smile and hello for you and want to know how you’re doing. It’s like a slightly big dysfunctional family. They make me feel a lot stronger than I was.”

“Many of them are professionals and you wouldn’t think they would do something like Roller Derby, but you can’t always judge a book by its cover. They made me feel a lot stronger and more confident and ready to take on the world.”

“It was a group decision to make White Ribbon the charity for the game, and an easy one once the No Shades of Grey title had been agreed upon. While not having seen the movie and with no plans to see or read it, this was an opportunity to support something really worthwhile.”

“There aren’t a lot of things that draw attention to this massive problem we have in New Zealand. So the more information White Ribbon gets out there, the more people you can help, the better.”

So if you want to support a good cause and have a night of fun-filled entertainment, come along to the Roller Derby. The game will feature two equally skilled teams that will be picked on the night, right before the first whistle. The teams will be put into either the BLACK or WHITE team. This means anything could happen as the teams won’t have time to talk strategy or have bench line-ups before the game. With big hits and daring jumps, what these girls can achieve on eight wheels must be seen to be believed. The doors open at 6pm and the derby action starts at 7pm. Teams will be dressed in Black or White – so wear your fan colours accordingly! Come along and find out more about the amazing sport of derby and support the campaign to end violence against women.

TICKET DETAILS:
Door sales only, available on the night from 6pm
Adults – $15
Children – $5 (aged 5-12)
Family pass – $35 (2 adults and up to 3 kids)
Preschoolers – free!
Cash bar and food vendors onsite. Please, no stilettos allowed on the floor at
Cowles Stadium. ROAR

Iona Shotgun (White) jammer - Sarah Gingrich_Background

Iona Shotgun (White) jammer – Sarah Gingrich

About Roller Derby:
Roller Derby is a fast-evolving, world-wide phenomenon. In 2014, Texas hosted the second- ever Roller Derby World Cup. New Zealand was well-represented with women from all over the country making their way to Texas to compete. Dead End Derby’s own Evil K.Neevil and Serious Crash Unit both represented New Zealand. Unit will be skating in this bout. The game is played on an oval track, with five skaters from each team on at a time. The seven referees make sure that the skaters stay safe and legal. The point scorer from each team is distinguished by a star on their helmet and this skater, known as the jammer, must make their way through the other skaters to score. The four other skaters are blockers and their job is to stop the opposition jammer from getting through while helping out their own jammer. Points are scored when the jammer passes the opposition blockers’ hips.

More information can be found at Dead End Derby’s Facebook page:
www.facebook.com/deadendderby
Official Website: www.deadendderby.comPhotos by Victor Paul.

Arihana White – X FACTOR

arihana

Arihana White

When Arihana White-Ututaonga gets up on stage these days, it’s not just to fulfil her dream of performing. She also does it to show the person who attacked her and almost cost her vision, that they gave her an undeniable strength.

From Rebecca Malcolm Rotorua Daily Post

Arihana recently performed on the  X Factor. We’re really proud that she’s performing after experiencing violence where her vision was damaged. Check out her performance of Jennifer Hudson’s ‘Love you I do’ and read more about her in this New Zealand Herald article or check out her music video page.

“Something recently happened to me… I was assaulted and my vision was damaged from it… Since my vision was damaged I’ve learned to appreciate a lot more than I would have.”

Arihana-White

Click to play X FACTOR performance

“Love You I Do”

Never met a man

Quite like you
Doing all you can
Making my dreams come trueYou’re strong and you’re smart
You’ve taken my heart
And I’ll give you the rest of me tooYou’re the perfect man for me
I love you I doMm I love yaNever have I felt
Quite like this
Good about myself
From my very first kiss
I’m here when you call
You’ve got it all
And confidence like I never knewYou’re the perfect man for me
I love you I doYou’ve got the charm
You simply disarm me every time
As long as you drive
I’m along for the ride
Your way
I said it before
There won’t be a door
That’s closed to us
I’m putting all my trust in you
Cause you, you’ll always be true, OhI never could have known
This would be,
Oh you and you alone, yeah
Are all for me
I know you’re the best
You’ve passed every test
It’s almost too good to be trueYou’re the perfect man for me
I love you I do

You’re the perfect man for me
I love you I do

“Love You I Do” is a song performed by American R&B singer Jennifer Hudson in the 2006 film Dreamgirls. The music for the song was written by Henry Krieger, composer of the original Broadway play, with lyrics by Siedah Garrett. It is one of the four songs featured in the film that are not present in the original Broadway play. It was nominated for the 2007 Academy Award for Best Original Song, and won the 2008 Grammy Award for Best Song Written for a Motion Picture, Television or Other Visual Media.

family

Arihana’s Family

International Women’s Day – Sunday 8th March

top_header“The story of women’s struggle for equality belongs to no single feminist nor to any one organization but to the collective efforts of all who care about human rights” Gloria Steinem

White Ribbon has been invited to participate in the Wellington Women Walk For Peace event in Newtown in Wellington on Sunday 8th March. The Peace Walkevent takes place at 10.45am (with UNANZ and White Ribbon Ambassadors) see details here.

Come and celebrate International Women’s Day on Sunday 8 March at the Newtown Festival with Wellington Women Walk/Work for Peace (WWW4Peace). The theme for International Women’s Day 2015 is Make It Happen: Celebrating women’s achievements and call for greater equality. This year the annual Peace Walk will be held at Newtown Festival, followed by messages from Mayor Celia Wade Brown, HE Jonathan Sinclair, British High Commissioner and Dame Susan Devoy from the Human Rights Commission.

Assembling for the Peace Walk will commence from 10.15am in front of the International Women’s Day Stage, for a sharp 10.45am start. WWW4Peace are excited that the While Ribbon Campaign Ambassadors are also supporting the Peace Walk this year. So please come and support the Peace Walk and listen to the fantastic speakers that will deliver key messages on women. After the Peace Walk there is an exciting array of cultural performances planned for the day, starting with a cooking demonstration from Migrating Kitchen – so don’t miss out on sampling international cuisine prepared by passionate chefs! This will be followed by musical performances from the Taikoza Drummers, Munting Tinig (a Filipino Children’s Ukulele Choir), Virtuoso Strings and Womansong and dance performances from DANZA MIA (Mujeres in Aoteaora) and the Wellington Chinese Language School Dance Group. Also, there is a line-up of international games for children.

There are lots of other events around NZ. Check out UN Women who have a list of events on their website.
Other information and events we have found are below:
Ministry for Women
Christchurch City Library
Zonta Auckland
Te Manawa - Palmerston North
Christchurch
Adventist Church NZ
Association for Women in the Sciences (AWIS) – Auckland

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White Ribbon in Christchurch

Andy Moscrop-Giblin

Andy Moscrop-Giblin

White Ribbon asked one of our White Ribbon Ambassadors to talk about his experience of helping to organise White Ribbon Activities in Christchurch. Here’s Andy’s take on how they tackled the campaign.

“The success of White Ribbon in Christchurch would be put down to planning. We are having our debriefing meeting at the end of December to look at what went well and where we could improve. Each member of the planning group comes with a particular are of

White Ribbon March

White Ribbon March

expertise and from a different area. This year we were fortunate to have “key staff” from the local Christchurch City Council, Area health board, Police, Correction, as well as linkages with our local Family Violence Collaboration partners and NGO agencies. Having a local White Ribbon Ambassador and an NGO manager who was also a White Ribbon Rider was also helpful. We met Monthly for most of the year and weekly for the last 6 weeks or so.

In 2013 we had our first march which attracted about 450-600 people and the White Ribbon organisation group wanted to raise even more awareness by growing the numbers of those who are marching. We decided to have a combined communications team including comms people from NZ Police, our Canterbury Family violence Collaboration and Child, Youth and Family. Our communications experts decided to have their own meeting to ensure that they could combine messages and work together.

This year we succeeded in getting between 1,000 -1,1500 people to attend our march.  Next year we re looking to grow and improve the experience for our participants and to continue to  strive to deliver a positive message of challenge, hope and support to those who are gathered to end violence towards women, to take the Pledge and to take action between now and next November 25th.

Feel free to contact me

Andy Moscrop-Giblin
White Ribbon Ambassador

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Please note this is only a snapshot of the Christchurch region as there were many other events that took place.

Fifty Shades – does it glamourise violence?

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Fifty Shades of Grey

There’s a great deal being written and said about 50 Shades of Grey. Sir Salman Rushdie has admitted that it’s one of his least favourite books saying “I’ve never read anything so badly written that got published. It made Twilight look like War and Peace.” While many reviews of the movie are explicit in their negativity “highly unsatisfying” and “plodding, inane and wretchedly acted movie… lacks grey matter as well as heat.”

But despite the bad reviews this movie trailer has already racked up over 52 million views while the books sold over 100 million copies.

What concerns many people who advocate for non-violence is how Fifty Shades misrepresents BDSM (bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism) and casually associates hot sex with violence, but without any of the context.

And context is important. For a better understanding of this issue read Consent Isn’t Enough: The Troubling Sex of Fifty Shades by Emma Green.

This film glamourises sexual violence and leaves the impression that women want to be controlled and that’s concerning. In a country where one in three women experience partner violence at some point in their lives, Fifty Shades has the potential to further influence young men and warp their ideas of a healthy relationship. It could also distort what women understand as normal or acceptable behaviour.

Beth Penny a facebook user has hit the nail on the head with this so called romantic story.

“… I was 18 when I first read 50 shades of grey. Whilst reading it, I felt so uncomfortable and it had nothing to do with the sex or ‘kinky’ stuff that was happening. After re-reading I realised it was because what was really written on those pages was an abusive relationship being sold to me as a love story. Not only me, but millions of people were reading this book and worryingly, falling in love with the man that is Christian Grey wishing they had their very own version of him. But we need to ask the question- would you be happy with a partner who micro managed your life, dictated what you ate, required you to exercise a certain amount of days a week and cut you off from your friends and family? Add some good looks, a six pack and a billionaire status and you have Christian Grey.

If your friend told you that a man she’d never given her address to turns up at her house, someone she’d asked to stop when having sex and he carried on, bought the business they started working for so they can have that much extra power over them, you’d tell them to run. But people around the world think this relationship is one to be desired and I have no idea why.

I’ve been accused of being too young to understand this relationship, being too embarrassed by BDSM and not experiencing a ‘grown up’ relationship. After doubting myself I decided to research BDSM (unlike the author) and found myself in a world that is based on trust and respect. It is a role play. It is NOT how you live everyday life like the author has portrayed. One of the biggest things of sub/dom relationships is aftercare. After the acts, you have a period where you make sure your partner is okay. This doesn’t happen in the books, and it’s misrepresenting BDSM because the author was too lazy to do research.

This valentines weekend, the film is coming out. All I ask is please don’t give this franchise your money. If you’re willing to part with it, donate the money you’d spend on a cinema ticket, to a charity that helps people who have suffered from domestic abuse. Having this film come out on valentines weekend is farcical, and a massive 2 fingers up to every survivor of abuse.

So E.L James, on behalf of all the victims and survivors out there of domestic abuse and all of the people who suffered child abuse and grew up to be great people and didn’t use it as an excuse to abuse others, fuck you…”
Beth Penny

In New Zealand you can see the film/read the book and or, you could donate to these agencies:

White Ribbon on TV

2014 saw the White Ribbon Campaign feature on many major tv programmes. Here’s a quick peak at some of those.

 

SUNDAY – advance screening in Christchurch, Wellington and world premiere in Auckland

Sunday the FilmHelp Sunday support White Ribbon.
$1 from every ticket sold to the following screenings will be donated to White Ribbon & the Canterbury Family Violence Collaboration.
Plus – if you use the promo code WHITERIBBONNZ  you’ll get a 15% discount (excluding Wellington).

  • Tickets to the Advanced Screening Christchurch – Saturday December 6
  • Tickets to the World Premiere  Auckland Sunday December 7
  • Tickets to the Wellington Screening with Q&A at Penthouse Cinema December 7th

Dustin Clare is familiar to many from his roles in television shows like Satisfaction, McLeod’s Daughters, Underbelly and Spartacus. Based in Australia, he and his real life partner, actress Camille Keenan ended up starring in SUNDAY when they were 7 months pregnant with their first child. Dustin took time out of filming his latest project in Turkey to answer some questions about his involvement with White Ribbon for us ahead of his New Zealand visit

Dustin Clare & Camille Keenan are proud to support White Ribbon in their mission to end violence against women.

Dustin Clare & Camille Keenan are proud to support White Ribbon in their mission to end violence against women.

Hi Dustin, You first got involved with White Ribbon in Australia where you’re based. How did that come about?

It was a cause that I saw benefited the community and bettered society in general. So I approached White Ribbon about how I could become involved as an ambassador for the campaign.

What have you learned through your experience working with White Ribbon?

That what they do takes courage. But most of all the grass roots communities that get involved are really the most important part of this campaign. The families, the sporting groups, cultural organisations, community groups, public servants all the wonderful support that gets thrown behind White Ribbon comes from a real passion within communities. And this is where it all starts, at home and in our communities. That’s where we start.

In your opinion, what’s one of the biggest problems young men face in today’s society?

I think the internet has done many great things for communication, but it has also given us access to some things that are not great for developing brains. I think the sexualisation in the media and the overwhelming portrayal of degrading women in pornography has serious implications for society, and far greater hurdles for our acceptance of women being viewed as more than sexual objects in society. It’s important for young men to have access to good information surrounding these issues but more importantly good role models. We want to move forward with equality, not backwards. We need to promote sex in a positive way, not a degrading or violent way. We must talk openly about these issues if we are to combat any future problems that may arise from the advent of technology and the ability for developing minds to be influenced by the negative or harmful use of it. Education is the key. And supporting young men through this is imperative, these men will shape one half of our future.

What’s one of the best things you’ve seen through your work with White Ribbon?

A brave ambassador in Australia, who now does a lot of speaking at various events. He was someone who was a perpetrator of violence of women in the home and community, and he changed, he made actual positive steps to change his behaviour, to understand it, and to grow passed it. And now he is brave enough to stand on stage in front of hundreds of people at a time and speak about it. To talk about his process and how he took steps to change his patterns forever. That takes great courage, to speak about your journey through domestic violence like that. I admire him.

Your new film SUNDAY is helping raise money for White Ribbon ChCh. It’s about a guy who’s going to be a Dad for the first time but isn’t sure if he’s going to be a good Dad or a good partner. You star in it, you wrote it and you produced it. How did it happen?

Sunday

Sunday

SUNDAY has been a heavy collaboration from start to finish between two couples – myself and Camille, and Director Michelle Joy Lloyd and her husband Cinematographer Ryan Alexander Lloyd. I came up with the idea on a sleepless night, wrote it down and sent it out to the team, and we decided to continue with writing and producing the film together. I’m very proud of the film we made, and the themes we are addressing in it. It’s a “late coming of age” story, but it is one familiar for all couples and all relationships, especially those who are about to have or have had children. The film really mirrors the reality of society today, the choice and opportunities that we are offered and how they impact on our relationships and the in-ability to commit to important life choices.

So you’re a Dad now – was it scary? How did you deal with the stress and nerves before? And the sleepless nights after?

Being a dad is the single greatest thing you can do in this world. It gives you perspective, gives you grounding, and gives you a purpose other than yourself. It makes you less selfish, increases your capacity to love. It is a huge gift that comes with great responsibility.

Who do you talk to when things are tough?

My partner Camille first and foremost. Family members, friends. But I think your real support has to be within your home, and you being able to communicate frustrations or anxieties with your partner and find a way to work through them. Sometime things get tough or beyond you or communication breaks down, that’s really when you have to take a break, step away from the situation, gain some perspective on it, then come back to it again with fresh eyes. At the end of it, you still have each other, no matter how tough or momentous the stakes are, if you can try and find strength in that, you will overcome.

Behind the camera - Cinematographer Ryan Alexander Lloyd

Behind the camera – Cinematographer Ryan Alexander Lloyd

Why did you choose to film in ChCh?

We thought that CHCH had been through so much hardship and we really honestly wanted to find a way to give something back to the people and the city. Michelle and Camille had family in CHCH who had gone through the quakes, and are still going through the aftermath. We also see a real theme of hope in CHCH, of creativity and inspiration that has sprung up out of the destruction, and we wanted to make sure that was a big part of the film, to show the hope, the rebuilding, we saw that as much more important that making a comment on the destruction.

The filmmakers behind SUNDAY have decided to raise money for a couple of ChCh charities; how did you decide that White Ribbon ChCh & the Canty Family Violence Collaboration who they work would be one of the two organisations to benefit from SUNDAY?

Christchurch has been through so much, and now the real sense of displacement and fatigue of that city for many…it made sense for us to work with these organisations to help give something back to a city and its people who had been through so much together. Not just thematically, but we also wanted to contribute financially.

Many of the triggers of family violence have been magnified due to stress placed on the city and its inhabitants following the earthquakes 4 years ago. Instead of pressure easing, it’s getting worse as people are feeling worn down, worn out and frustrated. Now more than ever Christchurch needs organisations like the White Ribbon Trust.

As I was already an ambassador for White Ribbon in Australia, and had seen first-hand all the positive work White Ribbon do in the community it was a natural fit to become involved with the organisation in New Zealand and all of the filmmaking team have rallied behind the cause to give back.

 

 

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